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The Power Of Love
15 years ago
General
Anyone remember this song? I'm sure most of us do. It was in Back To The Future, after all, and that was a fucking awesome movie, if you ask me. It's a good message too. These lines of lyrics have become particularly important to me over the past 24 hours:
"It's strong and it's sudden.
It can be cruel sometimes.
But it might just save your life."
Truer words were never sung than those three above. At least, not to me right now. As I have been dealing with one of the most...well, hell, the only phrase I can think of to describe the last three weeks are "life upending." I mean, I've really gotten a huge new insight into how I interact with others, how they interact with me, who values having me around and who doesn't. These are the kinds of wake up calls that don't pull punches, but just BAM...right in the face.
But the power of love is both positive and negative. It's the initial reaction which caused all this "life upending" information to become available to me, and at the exact same time, it's what saved me from it. Well, saved me from myself, maybe, moreso I think. I'm not really sure exactly who or what I was saved from. I still am in the process of figuring all that out. But, the love and concern of five people in particular has kept me...well, let's just say it's kept me going over the past four days, and I want to take a journal entry to give a thank you to each of them:
Stormfront
Damn Storm, the amount of support and guidance and friendship you've shown so recently makes me seriously fucking regret the fact that I've not invested more time in getting to know you better. You have truly shown yourself as one of those amazing people who is willing to bypass all of his own issues in the aid of someone else. There are no words to describe the immeasurable impact you have had on me recently. You have truly saved my life. I thank you for that. Thank you for watching out for me. For being willing to have me hate you, just to make sure I'm safe. I only hope we can continue on this new-found path and build a stronger, better friendship from it.
My Husky
Sometimes the foundations of a structure are not strong enough, and they need to be torn down so they can be rebuilt properly. Yesterday was definitely one of those "let's renovate the foundation" days. The impact of the last three weeks on my relationship with my beloved Ricky have been far more extensive than I could have imagined. However, in the end, the result has been a new commitment to one another, a stronger commitment, and a desire to be with one another even sooner than we had wanted to be before. I long for the day when I can hold my Finnish husky in my arms, and, baring any major catastrophes, I will have that chance very, very soon. I love you, Ricky. Thank you for letting me be flawed and weak, and wrong on so many levels, and still loving me back anyway.
My Bunneh
Matt is probably the weirdest, silliest, goofiest bunny I know, but I am happy to say that he is mine. I adore the little shit, and he does far more than I give him credit for. When I am down, he can be the rock if I really need it, but what's great about Matt is that he doesn't let me focus on heartache, sorrow or sadness for very long. He's always there with a silly joke or a goofy comment or an unexpected response to one of my "Did you miss me?" questions, and he makes me laugh. Some who see our interactions might think he's just distracting me, but that's not it at all. Matt shows me the best things in life, even when the scenery is so clouded with tears that I can barely see my own glasses. Thank you, my beloved bunny, for all that you do. I don't think I will ever really appreciate you as much as I should, but only because I don't think it is possible. I love you. *snuggles his bunny and his husky tight to his chest*
Avalon Birke
They say that the psychological profession isn't the greatest thing in the world right now, and for a lot of people who rely on the guidance of someone else to navigate the very choppy waters of life, unfortunately that is true. However, I will say I am the lucky ones. When things get so bad that only an outside third party can begin the process of helping to figure things out, Avalon has always been there for me. Like Stormfront, she doesn't really care if I hate her...she was willing to take whatever steps were necessary to keep me safe. And for that I will never be able to repay her. She always is the person who reminds me that I am valuable, I am special, and I am important...and that my feelings matter and deserve to be heard, even if so many others in my life are telling me the opposite. Thanks Avalon, for giving me my voice.
Shayla Mistwalker
God knows that sometimes Shayla and I get so damned tired of each other...*laughs* Which is why her participation in providing me assistance over the weekend somehow seems surprising. I know I get on her nerves all the damned time, and she gets on mine, but in the end, there's enough there to work with that I know that she really does care about my safety and sanity...even when both are in very short supply. It means the world to me that she and her hunny, Dalan, have worked so hard to make sure that I'm taken care of, even while she's dealing with such catastrophic issues on her own. It is my honor and privilege to be able to help them be together, and I will do anything in my power to make it possible. Not because I have to "repay" them for their kindness...but because seeing two who love one another come together is a beautiful thing. It's what I hope for Ricky and me very soon. So thanks, Shayla...as much as we annoy each other sometimes...thanks for just taking a second out of what I'm sure was a shitty weekend...to just care, and make sure I was still around. *hugs tight*
Okay, so yeah...that's it. I genuinely feel that the roughest of the waters have been navigated, and now there are still a few pieces to pick up and resolve. But, I have a much better sense of where I am in not only my life, but other people's lives as well. It's this sort of clarity that was missing a couple nights ago...*laughs*.
Right now, my focus is on my bunny, and my husky, and my best friend, Joey. He and I still have a lot to talk about. But...*beams*...I got an IM from him this morning, and he called me his tabbeh. That made me giggle, and smile. I know it will all be okay. It'll take a bit more pain and a lot more honesty, but my connection to these people I've mentioned above, and to my soldier, will be stronger in the end. All because they had the courage to care. Thank you, all of you. *nuzzles and poofs for work*
"It's strong and it's sudden.
It can be cruel sometimes.
But it might just save your life."
Truer words were never sung than those three above. At least, not to me right now. As I have been dealing with one of the most...well, hell, the only phrase I can think of to describe the last three weeks are "life upending." I mean, I've really gotten a huge new insight into how I interact with others, how they interact with me, who values having me around and who doesn't. These are the kinds of wake up calls that don't pull punches, but just BAM...right in the face.
But the power of love is both positive and negative. It's the initial reaction which caused all this "life upending" information to become available to me, and at the exact same time, it's what saved me from it. Well, saved me from myself, maybe, moreso I think. I'm not really sure exactly who or what I was saved from. I still am in the process of figuring all that out. But, the love and concern of five people in particular has kept me...well, let's just say it's kept me going over the past four days, and I want to take a journal entry to give a thank you to each of them:
Stormfront
Damn Storm, the amount of support and guidance and friendship you've shown so recently makes me seriously fucking regret the fact that I've not invested more time in getting to know you better. You have truly shown yourself as one of those amazing people who is willing to bypass all of his own issues in the aid of someone else. There are no words to describe the immeasurable impact you have had on me recently. You have truly saved my life. I thank you for that. Thank you for watching out for me. For being willing to have me hate you, just to make sure I'm safe. I only hope we can continue on this new-found path and build a stronger, better friendship from it.
My Husky
Sometimes the foundations of a structure are not strong enough, and they need to be torn down so they can be rebuilt properly. Yesterday was definitely one of those "let's renovate the foundation" days. The impact of the last three weeks on my relationship with my beloved Ricky have been far more extensive than I could have imagined. However, in the end, the result has been a new commitment to one another, a stronger commitment, and a desire to be with one another even sooner than we had wanted to be before. I long for the day when I can hold my Finnish husky in my arms, and, baring any major catastrophes, I will have that chance very, very soon. I love you, Ricky. Thank you for letting me be flawed and weak, and wrong on so many levels, and still loving me back anyway.
My Bunneh
Matt is probably the weirdest, silliest, goofiest bunny I know, but I am happy to say that he is mine. I adore the little shit, and he does far more than I give him credit for. When I am down, he can be the rock if I really need it, but what's great about Matt is that he doesn't let me focus on heartache, sorrow or sadness for very long. He's always there with a silly joke or a goofy comment or an unexpected response to one of my "Did you miss me?" questions, and he makes me laugh. Some who see our interactions might think he's just distracting me, but that's not it at all. Matt shows me the best things in life, even when the scenery is so clouded with tears that I can barely see my own glasses. Thank you, my beloved bunny, for all that you do. I don't think I will ever really appreciate you as much as I should, but only because I don't think it is possible. I love you. *snuggles his bunny and his husky tight to his chest*
Avalon Birke
They say that the psychological profession isn't the greatest thing in the world right now, and for a lot of people who rely on the guidance of someone else to navigate the very choppy waters of life, unfortunately that is true. However, I will say I am the lucky ones. When things get so bad that only an outside third party can begin the process of helping to figure things out, Avalon has always been there for me. Like Stormfront, she doesn't really care if I hate her...she was willing to take whatever steps were necessary to keep me safe. And for that I will never be able to repay her. She always is the person who reminds me that I am valuable, I am special, and I am important...and that my feelings matter and deserve to be heard, even if so many others in my life are telling me the opposite. Thanks Avalon, for giving me my voice.
Shayla Mistwalker
God knows that sometimes Shayla and I get so damned tired of each other...*laughs* Which is why her participation in providing me assistance over the weekend somehow seems surprising. I know I get on her nerves all the damned time, and she gets on mine, but in the end, there's enough there to work with that I know that she really does care about my safety and sanity...even when both are in very short supply. It means the world to me that she and her hunny, Dalan, have worked so hard to make sure that I'm taken care of, even while she's dealing with such catastrophic issues on her own. It is my honor and privilege to be able to help them be together, and I will do anything in my power to make it possible. Not because I have to "repay" them for their kindness...but because seeing two who love one another come together is a beautiful thing. It's what I hope for Ricky and me very soon. So thanks, Shayla...as much as we annoy each other sometimes...thanks for just taking a second out of what I'm sure was a shitty weekend...to just care, and make sure I was still around. *hugs tight*
Okay, so yeah...that's it. I genuinely feel that the roughest of the waters have been navigated, and now there are still a few pieces to pick up and resolve. But, I have a much better sense of where I am in not only my life, but other people's lives as well. It's this sort of clarity that was missing a couple nights ago...*laughs*.
Right now, my focus is on my bunny, and my husky, and my best friend, Joey. He and I still have a lot to talk about. But...*beams*...I got an IM from him this morning, and he called me his tabbeh. That made me giggle, and smile. I know it will all be okay. It'll take a bit more pain and a lot more honesty, but my connection to these people I've mentioned above, and to my soldier, will be stronger in the end. All because they had the courage to care. Thank you, all of you. *nuzzles and poofs for work*
Awww, thanks. *snug*
