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Goodbyes.
15 years ago
This gallery is now closed. I will be deleting everything within the next week. Sorry.
Now, all of you come crawling out of the woodwork. Don't. There's more. It'll get better.
No, it won't. I've hit my breaking point. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep picking up the pieces of myself; I've shattered so many times they're nothing but ash. Just go away. Go away, and go back to the lives you lived perfectly fine without me for years. You forgot I existed, once I left your circles, left your world.
I'm tired of always living in pain. I'm tired of always hurting. Of always struggling. Of never being enough for anyone. Of never being able to carry my own weight.
Kurt, Dani.. You're the exception. You have, from the moment I met you, never offered an apology. Instead, you gave. You reached out and touched me, and everything you did was selfless and beautiful. And I'm sorry.
Adam, I love you. I gave my life to you. I let you draw me in and believed every word you said--even though I knew, deep down, I was going to be hurt. And I'm sorry, that I'm not good enough. I'm sorry, that I can't be her. That I can't just give all the time. You can't ask me to live in a life without you--knowing that you're in another woman's arms. You can't ask me, to fight through this life alone.. because it was supposed to be the one we were sharing.
I'm sorry, for every cruel thing I ever said. I'm sorry for everything.
I can't. I refuse to continue an existence where I do nothing but lose.
No, it won't. I've hit my breaking point. I can't do it anymore. I can't keep picking up the pieces of myself; I've shattered so many times they're nothing but ash. Just go away. Go away, and go back to the lives you lived perfectly fine without me for years. You forgot I existed, once I left your circles, left your world.
I'm tired of always living in pain. I'm tired of always hurting. Of always struggling. Of never being enough for anyone. Of never being able to carry my own weight.
Kurt, Dani.. You're the exception. You have, from the moment I met you, never offered an apology. Instead, you gave. You reached out and touched me, and everything you did was selfless and beautiful. And I'm sorry.
Adam, I love you. I gave my life to you. I let you draw me in and believed every word you said--even though I knew, deep down, I was going to be hurt. And I'm sorry, that I'm not good enough. I'm sorry, that I can't be her. That I can't just give all the time. You can't ask me to live in a life without you--knowing that you're in another woman's arms. You can't ask me, to fight through this life alone.. because it was supposed to be the one we were sharing.
I'm sorry, for every cruel thing I ever said. I'm sorry for everything.
I can't. I refuse to continue an existence where I do nothing but lose.
Yeah, it won't magically get better but that doesn't mean you just give up and cease to exist. Yeah, life's hard. Get up and fight. Don't cease to exist, continue to fight. I can't stand by and let someone give up without trying to at least encourage them to keep fighting.
It's only going to get better if you keep trying. You have to fight for what you want.
Happiness is a choice, remember that. And remember that if you do what I think you're going to do after reading this journal, know that it doesn't just hurt you but also the ones that you have mentioned in this journal. Think of them.
And fight. For them. For happiness. For a better life.
I'm worried to death about you and even though i don't say much, I care a lot.
I wish I could help somehow, anyhow, but being across the world makes it so hard.
'm hoping something comes along for you. I know everything has been so hard for you, so very, very hard but please don't give up and let that fight have been for naught.
Love you my friend <3