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Hidding in plain sight
15 years ago
Sometimes, you must be the Villain to be the Hero.
Tell me, what do you say to someone that believes they knows you?
Honestly, I ask this question because I've found myself surrounded by people who keep saying they could write a book about me and be perfectly correct. However, they know close to nothing of who I am, compared to who I act like. Most of the time, I show the face of a sarcastic, smiling, hopeful fool. When I'm alone, however, I can actually be me: A man who is so vastly different from that damned mask, it's near terrifying.
My mother is one of the main reasons I wear that mask. Multiple times, she's broached the subject of my sexuality; mind you, she doesn't know I'm gay. Here's the usual conversation:
"So, have you figured out if you're gay?"
"No, Mom, I'm still not sure."
"Well, I can tell you now that you're not gay; you can't just decide if you're gay or not, you know."
"I know, Mom."
"Gale, gay or straight, I will always love you. But I know you're not gay; I had a friend in California when I was your age who was, and you don't show any of the signs he did."
Get the picture?
So many times, I've wanted to scream at her the truth. So many times, I've worked up the courage to tell her, 'I'm gay, Mom!!' that I can tell when it's going to happen like clock work. However, every time, she'll start the conversation, and she'll always use that same damned phrase somewhere that absolutely destorys my confidence.
'I know you're not gay, Gale, because I had a friend in Califorian when I was your age who was, and you don't show any of the signs he did.'
So, I ask again: What do you say to someone who believes they know you? If you have an answer to it, I'd love to hear it.
I'm sure as hell out of ideas.
Honestly, I ask this question because I've found myself surrounded by people who keep saying they could write a book about me and be perfectly correct. However, they know close to nothing of who I am, compared to who I act like. Most of the time, I show the face of a sarcastic, smiling, hopeful fool. When I'm alone, however, I can actually be me: A man who is so vastly different from that damned mask, it's near terrifying.
My mother is one of the main reasons I wear that mask. Multiple times, she's broached the subject of my sexuality; mind you, she doesn't know I'm gay. Here's the usual conversation:
"So, have you figured out if you're gay?"
"No, Mom, I'm still not sure."
"Well, I can tell you now that you're not gay; you can't just decide if you're gay or not, you know."
"I know, Mom."
"Gale, gay or straight, I will always love you. But I know you're not gay; I had a friend in California when I was your age who was, and you don't show any of the signs he did."
Get the picture?
So many times, I've wanted to scream at her the truth. So many times, I've worked up the courage to tell her, 'I'm gay, Mom!!' that I can tell when it's going to happen like clock work. However, every time, she'll start the conversation, and she'll always use that same damned phrase somewhere that absolutely destorys my confidence.
'I know you're not gay, Gale, because I had a friend in Califorian when I was your age who was, and you don't show any of the signs he did.'
So, I ask again: What do you say to someone who believes they know you? If you have an answer to it, I'd love to hear it.
I'm sure as hell out of ideas.
Then again, even I don't really know myself.
Unlike you I don't really have the experience, but when people say crap like "I'm gonna be the first to get married" or "I'll be the first one to have kids" it kinda makes mewanna smack them sometimes.
Just because you know somebody who's gay who shows their gayness one way doesn't mean that every gay person shows their gayness in that same exact way. That's just human nature for crying out loud.
How stereotypical of an assumption is that to figure that all gay people act, talk, walk, think, etc, the same way?!
So the whole I had a friend in California.... is complete bullshit in my mind.
I sympathize with you and hope that everything works out with you and you somehow muster up the courage to be like, "Mom, brace yourself for this shit, I don't care about your old friend in California.... I'm a different person than he is, however, I am gay. Despite the signs that I show/do not show."
if you mean how I found the way to you on fa tho. I found you on http://www.furaffinity.net/user/baphijmm/ `s profile and before that was probably searching for spiritual stances to get a better picture of what people make of the chakras, how they trust them, what they expect of them,...
and welcome. hope it did help somehow.