Oh man I suck at writing and even more at analyzing it xD But I'll try to figure out why I loved it ^^

Well let's see, you successfully appleied lots of cuteness and "awww" from the very moment Jade recieves Leo. And this keeps up throughout the entire story really. I'm very biased towards cuteness & romance in poképhilia stories but it's always nice to see it done well. I get that "these two are really cute together & care for each other" feeling from the start. Also the build up with the dreams and uncertainty & awkwardness between the two worked really well.

Lastly I very much liked how you do a good job of painting a mental image of how Leo acts and reacts to everything. I could always clearly visualise what he looked like when he did something. (and he was basically being cute or adorable or very hot or a all of them at the same time so. =D

Eeeh, that's about as best I can do, did it help? =/

Also I REALLY should spellcheck my posts. failure! =D

Thank you for the feedback. As I said, I'm curious to see what people think about my stories, so if there's something they really liked I'd like to know it. I'm going to start work on a new story (a request) and I'm wondering if I should attempt another first-person work like this one.

I think it's all in the descriptions.

Many a story I've read where the author merely jumps into the romance without truly giving definition and form to his/her characters and scenes, this doesn't allow for effective visualization to easily occur on the readers part. That, or the author gives so much background and "attention to detail" descriptions of their characters and scenes, the actual romance lacks, and or it almost becomes a chore to read.

With your story, I think you hit the "sweet-spot" so to speak. You gave background enough to connect with the characters, while staying away from a giant wall-of-text, and the scene of romance was descriptive enough to easily allow the reader to paint a mental image.

That's my two cents at least.




(it's a strange sensation to critique smut... lol, I'll get over it)

Thank you for your critique (and please don't think of it as smut, think of it as a "romance" story )

When writing this I was concerned about adding to much detail, so I omitted a few details about their past I felt were unnecessary and kept only what I thought added to their character. I'm glad my efforts paid off and I hope I can pull off such a feat again.

Whatever you did, I hope you can do it again too, it was really quite good.



(alright, it's a strange sensation to critique romance stories. fix'd)

I think most of what made it great has been pointed out above.
Reading the story was not a chore but it had enough detail that it was easily visible in the minds eye.
Also, the characters were very believable, often the characters jump in way too comfortable with the idea of sexing their pokemon. A lot of stories say it is taboo but few characters actually give you the impression that they really believe it.
Yeah, it had the D'aww factor, definitely a plus in my opinion if you aren't aiming straight for smut, which this isn't. This is more X-rated romance than smut. It draws from all the areas of romantic involvement, physical, emotional, and mental.

I find it actually an inspiring story almost... to write my own anyway.
Also, what does AGNPH stand for?

Also, the only reason I didn't fav is I don't fave adult works. so, I am "Honorary Faving" "The Fires of Love & Friendship".

I've forgotten what AGNPH stands for, it's a long acronym. Anyways, thank you for the feedback. I'm glad to know that one of my personal goals (creating believable characters) is actually working. I strive to create characters with depth and personality, rather than typical cut-and-paste "omg it's wrong but I wanna have sex with you" characters. I realized some of my errors from my last TrainerXPokemon romance and made appropriate adjustments to this one. Apparently they seemed to have worked.

And as I've said before to others, I prefer to write Romance rather than straight "Smut", so I'm glad this story fell in to the prior category. I'm honored to hear that I might have inspired you, and I wish you luck if you do decide to write your own story.