To all of those who have known me for a awhile this will explain a few things... for those of you who have only just met me this will tell you a bit more about me.

I will be offline for awhile due to me needing to sort my life out.
I'll be staying at close friends place in Western Australia...

The reason...

I got a lot of shit happening right now and I'm not getting through it. I’m finally coming to terms with the fact that I’m gay, I’m not really proud of this, but I do know it is who I am now. I have been getting counselling from a few different groups and people and was finally started being happy about who I am. Everything was going well till my parents came to visit...

Sadly my parents aren’t open minded, and don’t know who I really am. I've tested the water with them a few times. I mentioned when I was going to MidFur last year that I would be sharing a room with another guy because there were no single rooms left. At the mention of sharing a bed she freaked out and had a panic attack over the phone. She kept saying things like “what if he gets playful?" and "what if he gets excited?". It hurts that I can’t rely on her but not as much as how my dad is. He visited me recently and saw a lesbian TV show host; he started yelling at the TV "bloody dyke" and "Disgusting Degenerate".

I've worked as hard as I can to cut all ties to them, just in case they find out and disown me. I'll be able to support myself. But you see what I mean?

They were at my place for three weeks and I had to pretend to be "normal" and ignore all the happiness and pride I had in myself....I got through it....but unfortunately two days later my boyfriend broke up with me over the phone. Saying that he "didn’t love me anymore" and that "it wouldn't work out anyway".

Even though all this shit was happening I had him to make me feel loved and useful....but no, I have nothing and it’s just hit my like a train. I've been a total mess and not sure what the hell to do anymore and just trying to find a reason to get out of bed in the morning. A number of people at work know I’m gay now and some of my friends...but I still feel alone.

This isn’t a journal for people to offer the love etc, I just wish to explain to people why I will be gone for awhile.

I hope your all doing well and keeping happy.

I shall be back in a little while, hopefully feeling a bit better about myself.

Much love.

Vamero Sana.