the phrase "i told you so" has kinda been through my head since now taking a relaxation with a friend in Madison. But what many people don't know about me is that i have gone through a lot of shit and my emoitonally want to be sped out.

What people don't really understand about my personality...or normally do not see...I normally act hyper around big groups...basically pleasing everyone that i come into communicate with in someone. (for example fur cons, big groups LAFF or even just a small group). But once you meet me for the first time you see the hyper... "oh yea new friend *spactic wags*" but really it a mask i hide behind... I turn very clingly (sometimes very annoyingly) i don't mean to do it... but really it hides my true personality... But when you get me alone... I turn very calm and very quiet.. sometimes...it tells people that is something wrong...But really i am in that zone where i can be at a state of ease and very into my inner shelf.

Unfourntally, thats what brought an utter confusion with some people that when they saw me and esipcally when i was in baraboo... I would go somewhere quiet...and be at the state of ease... and then it would get so messed up that i had no where to go... more like if i wanted to hang out with friends... i would get so fucking irrated sometimes cause i am so dependent right now it isn't funny... hints why i am stopping the whole you know getting my butt in gear and not moving... Yes i realize moving every 6 months has hurted me phyiscally and mentally but you know it can heal.

What people do not understand... is that if i have to go home... Yes I will... hide from the fandom a bit just to keep my mind at ease.... but realize that sometimes you have to do that....I now realize at almost the age of 25 that i still have life to live and if i have to prove my damnself that i need to do it i will....

So, Yes... No Fur Fright, Midwest Fur Fest, and maybe Furry Convention North. If i get invited to any con i would go but i might be hegistant to go cause of college... I have friends that want to invite me to MFM or even FWA.... even someone that is willing to pay for me.... I would but it's money that I don't have.....

Yes this is going to be on my FA but here i am going to leave it on my journal...locked comments.... Sorry... It's how i feel now.... ya'll can poke me when i get back to Sauk City...


Later,

Da Otter