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Cause i feel like venting this out
15 years ago
K A T T ★▪★▪★RA N T○s ↗↗Bleh i know you guys are completely tired of all about my drama about my break up but i mean i'm seriously effected.
So first of all i decided to break up with him ebcause of seeral reasons, he had no personality, he asked me for things i wasn't comforable with but i still caved in because i'm stupid. SO FUCKING STUPID and then i let go on so long. I mean when i first met i knew there was chemistry but then there was the whole i'm with someone and i've was with my other ex for over a year and for some reason he got involced and ruined my relationship with him and i ended up ending up with AHEM him. So i mean i liked him but i felt like i was never his GF at all and i mean i've gave him chances upon chances and somehow he made up that day and it be on and off in damn awkwardness like he didn't even nknow how to talk to me sometimes and i didn't want to sound clingyso i never wanted to annoy him about because i was always dumped for complaining about never getting any attnetion i just let it go on so long and when i did let it go, i feel like this weird pain like not liike the other relationships i had because i recovered pretty quickly. Why is it this time i'm hurting so DAMN MUCH I CAN"T STAND, i have never cried over anyone and now finding out there this girl out ot get him makes me so pissed, he isn't mine why should i care but no i'm getting myself worked up about it. And people are teasing say "Hey u aren't with Kathy, go out with this girl now" And i'm right tehre and there laughing and joking and i felt so horrible.... i've been eatting none stop, crying, and to add my hormons and my period of messing with me. Does this mean i want him back or i am just going insane that i can't have him. And whenever i do try to tell him this i just end up making random shit to hide the fact...i rly do want him back even as stupid as it sounds... I FEEL SO SHITTY i just want the pain to stop but i don't know if i can confront him about it it just hurts so damn much and i feel so stupid for wanting him back after giving him up and i shouldn't be jealous of anyone.
I'm just not myself anymore and i want to be happy... i'm digging this hole that i can't get out of.
So first of all i decided to break up with him ebcause of seeral reasons, he had no personality, he asked me for things i wasn't comforable with but i still caved in because i'm stupid. SO FUCKING STUPID and then i let go on so long. I mean when i first met i knew there was chemistry but then there was the whole i'm with someone and i've was with my other ex for over a year and for some reason he got involced and ruined my relationship with him and i ended up ending up with AHEM him. So i mean i liked him but i felt like i was never his GF at all and i mean i've gave him chances upon chances and somehow he made up that day and it be on and off in damn awkwardness like he didn't even nknow how to talk to me sometimes and i didn't want to sound clingyso i never wanted to annoy him about because i was always dumped for complaining about never getting any attnetion i just let it go on so long and when i did let it go, i feel like this weird pain like not liike the other relationships i had because i recovered pretty quickly. Why is it this time i'm hurting so DAMN MUCH I CAN"T STAND, i have never cried over anyone and now finding out there this girl out ot get him makes me so pissed, he isn't mine why should i care but no i'm getting myself worked up about it. And people are teasing say "Hey u aren't with Kathy, go out with this girl now" And i'm right tehre and there laughing and joking and i felt so horrible.... i've been eatting none stop, crying, and to add my hormons and my period of messing with me. Does this mean i want him back or i am just going insane that i can't have him. And whenever i do try to tell him this i just end up making random shit to hide the fact...i rly do want him back even as stupid as it sounds... I FEEL SO SHITTY i just want the pain to stop but i don't know if i can confront him about it it just hurts so damn much and i feel so stupid for wanting him back after giving him up and i shouldn't be jealous of anyone.
I'm just not myself anymore and i want to be happy... i'm digging this hole that i can't get out of.
I dunno though I would say there is something still there, its probably you feeling you ended it wrongly
just like that damn John Mayer song "Say what you need to say" to the guy
but she felt many times better after she talked to me instead of constatly in a tormented state
I think i contradicted my self, oh well. Hope things get better.
Maybe your looking at this all the wrong way. Maybe you really need to find the right song and close your eyes for a little. Don't blame anybody about what happened. Just lay there and clear your mind till all you can see in your mind is nothing but white. Focus on your breathing and let this all slip away like a fistful of sand.
As indiglo4 said, don't make decisions when you're upset. It'll be difficult, yes, but you NEED to let him go! He's nothing but trouble for you now! You need to look elsewhere, because there's nothing for you there anymore. But don't be sad about it because it just means that he WASN'T the one and you need to start anew! A new dawn, a new day. But it is definitely a 3-dog night...
But listen, you DO have a breaking point and beating the hell outta yourself is gonna do it for ya. You need to take a good long break to put yourself together. But believe me when I tell you things will be alright again soon.
I'd help you if I could, but i'm a complete newbie when it comes to these things. X-x
I hope good luck follows you, in relationships and everything else. <3