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A Debate on Anger
15 years ago
Any woman that expresses anger is a bitch.
I don't agree with the above statement, but unfortunately many people do. For whatever reason, women aren't supposed to show that they're angry. We can cry, giggle, smile, be stupid, but if we raise our voice or flip someone the bird we're automatically labeled as a bitch, no questions asked. It's similar to the double-standard of men and crying; they're just as emotional as us, but they have to hide it to avoid being labeled as a "pussy." Society has given us these boxes and we just go right along with it.
I HATE this. I hate that random people - people I don't know in the first place and will never see again - feel the need to call me a bitch because (OH NO!) I'm in a bad mood. How dare I vent my frustrations that the servers at work are sometimes complete morons? How dare I be annoyed with someone for not doing what they're supposed to do?
I don't want to get into details. It's not important. I was frustrated by incidents at work today, but I was called a bitch because of it. Because I was annoyed. Because I vented to the two kids standing in the back with me. Because I told a waiter that if he was just going to stand around he better get out of the kitchen and out of my way. I didn't say it quite so rudely, for the record, but I'm rather annoyed when the servers stand in front of the heat lamps with their hands in their pockets waiting for me to finish making whatever they need. I'm pretty good about calling them back when it's done; idle hands only server to piss me off.
Anyway, I texted my friend Kunwio about the incident, and we had a discussion on anger. In the past, Kunwio and I dated. He told me that I had an anger problem, and later told me that I had a disorder. I find it extremely difficult to believe that I'm more angry than other women. I'm simply more expressive. I've lived with my dad for twenty years, a man that doesn't believe in hiding it when he's angry. He doesn't bottle it up, and I picked this up from him. I don't think it's healthy to bottle rage; I'd rather get it off my chest and move on.
He said he didn't know where I was getting the idea of a double standard, and I told him that it's from everyone, even from him. He pointed out that he didn't call me a bitch every time I got mad, "only when it's unreasonable and pointless."
Hold up a second. Unreasonable and pointless? Why is it pointless? Who are you to tell me that my anger is unreasonable, or my reason for being angry is pointless? I wasn't aware that people still believed in structuralism. You not agreeing with me doesn't trivialize my anger, nor does it make the source any less real to me. Can I flip out over stupid shit and later realize it wasn't worth it? Yes, but so does everyone, and at the time it seems like a big deal.
I'm not mad at Kunwio for expressing his opinion. I just hate the "you're a bitch" double standards that pop up. Let guys cry. Let girls get angry. So what?
I don't agree with the above statement, but unfortunately many people do. For whatever reason, women aren't supposed to show that they're angry. We can cry, giggle, smile, be stupid, but if we raise our voice or flip someone the bird we're automatically labeled as a bitch, no questions asked. It's similar to the double-standard of men and crying; they're just as emotional as us, but they have to hide it to avoid being labeled as a "pussy." Society has given us these boxes and we just go right along with it.
I HATE this. I hate that random people - people I don't know in the first place and will never see again - feel the need to call me a bitch because (OH NO!) I'm in a bad mood. How dare I vent my frustrations that the servers at work are sometimes complete morons? How dare I be annoyed with someone for not doing what they're supposed to do?
I don't want to get into details. It's not important. I was frustrated by incidents at work today, but I was called a bitch because of it. Because I was annoyed. Because I vented to the two kids standing in the back with me. Because I told a waiter that if he was just going to stand around he better get out of the kitchen and out of my way. I didn't say it quite so rudely, for the record, but I'm rather annoyed when the servers stand in front of the heat lamps with their hands in their pockets waiting for me to finish making whatever they need. I'm pretty good about calling them back when it's done; idle hands only server to piss me off.
Anyway, I texted my friend Kunwio about the incident, and we had a discussion on anger. In the past, Kunwio and I dated. He told me that I had an anger problem, and later told me that I had a disorder. I find it extremely difficult to believe that I'm more angry than other women. I'm simply more expressive. I've lived with my dad for twenty years, a man that doesn't believe in hiding it when he's angry. He doesn't bottle it up, and I picked this up from him. I don't think it's healthy to bottle rage; I'd rather get it off my chest and move on.
He said he didn't know where I was getting the idea of a double standard, and I told him that it's from everyone, even from him. He pointed out that he didn't call me a bitch every time I got mad, "only when it's unreasonable and pointless."
Hold up a second. Unreasonable and pointless? Why is it pointless? Who are you to tell me that my anger is unreasonable, or my reason for being angry is pointless? I wasn't aware that people still believed in structuralism. You not agreeing with me doesn't trivialize my anger, nor does it make the source any less real to me. Can I flip out over stupid shit and later realize it wasn't worth it? Yes, but so does everyone, and at the time it seems like a big deal.
I'm not mad at Kunwio for expressing his opinion. I just hate the "you're a bitch" double standards that pop up. Let guys cry. Let girls get angry. So what?
