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Why the navy works for FCs X3
15 years ago
Navy humor … not a great example of stellar grammar … but it IS funny. This was probably written by a Fire Controlman on watch in the Combat Information Center (CIC) of a ship. CIC is a place of “feast or famine” … and it’s either extremely boring or everyone has their hair on fire. Enjoy …
The Fire Controlman’s Creed
All Rates in the Navy work for The Fire Controlman. The Navy’s primary mission is to keep peace. In order to do that we blow stuff up. The Fire Controlman is the key to this mission. The following is an explanation of why all rates work for FC’s..
# BM (Boatswain’s Mate) They train, direct, and supervise others in marlinespike, deck and boat seamanship; they paint to make the ship look nice. That way when they take pictures after FC’s blow stuff up we look good. Then FC’s get more ribbons. BM’s also help FC’s go on liberty faster by doing all the work we don’t like. BM’s Work for the FC’s.
# CT (Cryptologic Technician) CT’s control the flow of messages and information. They sit in a secret room and do strange things that no one knows about. Sooner or later the information they collect is used to blow stuff up. So therefore they work for the FC’s.
# DC (Damage Controlman) Perform the work necessary for damage control. They repair damage control equipment and systems. So if by some means we take an incoming missile the FC’s can continue to blow stuff up.
# DK (Disbursing Clerk) Maintain the financial records of Navy Personal. That way FC’s get paid to blow stuff up.
# DT (Dental Technician) Dentists. They keep FC’s teeth happy. That way the FC’s are happy and don’t blow stuff up when they aren’t supposed to.
# EM (Electrician’s Mate) The operation and repair of the ship’s electrical power plant and electrical equipment. They help give FC’s power so they can blow stuff up.
# ET (Electronics Technician) Responsible for a bunch of electronic equipment; communications, cheap radar. They take care of the easy electronics so the FC’s don’t have to. That way the FC’s have more time to blow stuff up. ET’s should also take a sanity test. During Techcore they had a chance to become an FC. Why they picked ET is because they are insane or something.
# EW (Electronics Warfare Technician) Operate and maintain electronic equipment used in target detection and location, and the prevention of spying by enemies. Really what they do is determine friend or foe. They don’t do that well anyway. If they think it is a bad guy we blow it up. If by some means we fail to take out an incoming missile EW’s launch chaff. That is about all they are good for. They also sit and complain about being on watch. EW’s are good for bringing FC’s snacks.
# FC (Fire Controlman) Maintain and operate weapon systems used on combat ships. Complex electronics are used to ensure correct missile guidance and other such ordnance. This equipment includes; Radar, computers, weapons-direction equipment, target-designation systems and range finders. FC’s help other FC’s blow stuff up.
# FC (AEGIS) FC’s that are in the AEGIS weapon system. AEGIS is split into 4 elements. SPY, Computer, FCS/ORTS and Display. SPY Techs work on the SPY Radar, the main Search and Track Fire Control radar for the AEGIS weapon system. Computer Tech’s sleep in most of the day. Once in a while they change a tape or some thing. FCS/ORTS Techs sleep all day as well, but they sit on the Missile System Supervisor Console and get to push the pretty button. Display, they fix consoles and everything else related to AEGIS but not really. There are many different types of FC’s. The main purpose of them all is to BLOW STUFF UP!!! Or help in the process of doing so. Without FC’s Navy ships would be used as tug boats or crappy cruise liners.
# GM (Gunner’s Mate) Maintain and repair gunnery systems. Some times even missile-launching systems. They clean them and paint them all nice and pretty. Then the FC’s blow stuff up and get their stuff dirty. They also load the ordnance on the ship. That way FC’s can blow stuff up. GM’s don’t get to blow stuff up because they like to poop in their hands and throw it at people. They are a form of FC that went horribly wrong early on in the process a million years ago when we were all monkeys. Due to their inbreeding they can’t blow stuff up.
# GS (Gas Turbine System Technician) Operate, repair, and maintain main propulsion machinery. They are the stinky guys who make sure the ship can move. Make sure to get the FC’s where they need to go to blow stuff up.
# HM (Hospital Corpsman) They keep FC’s healthy and happy. They give us cool drugs to make us crazy. HM’s are the Navy’s cheap way to give us some type of medical care person. Their cure for all you pains and sickness is Motrin. Motrin makes FC’s angry so we blow stuff up.
# HT (Hull Maintenance Technician) Responsible for maintaining ship’s hulls, fittings, piping systems, and machinery. They are plumbers. They chase turds all day. They also get to weld some times. They fix the toilets so the FC’s can poop. Then the FC’s read in the crapper and learn more about blowing stuff up.
# IC (Interior Communications Electrician) Operate and repair devices used in ship’s interior communicates systems. They fix phones so the FC’s can talk. They also run SITE TV, and stuff like that. So FC’s can watch TV. The main thing they do is keep the gyro running. That way FC’s can blow stuff up.
# IS (Intelligence Specialist) Get secret military information. They do a bunch of strange things to find enemies. So FC’s can blow them up.
# MA (Master-at-Arms) Help keep law and order on the ship. That way the FC’s don’t have to kill everyone aboard. MAA make FC’s happy by letting FC’s get away with stuff like “Training Videos”. FC’s like to watch them. That makes them happy. Then they go blow stuff up.
# MS (Mess Management Specialist) They cook food and feed FC’s. FC’s like MS’s because FC’s are really hungry after blowing stuff up. Next time you see an MS tell them FC’s love them. Their food gives us gas so in combat FC’s always win in a farting contest.
# NC (Navy Counselor) Try to get FC’s to reenlist. Then FC’s get nearly $60,000 and continue the endless quest to blow stuff up.
# OS (Operations Specialist) Pretend to operate radar’s, navigation and communications equipment. They pretty much clean Combat Information Center. Then go and get FC’s a coke to drink. They sit on a console but it’s not hard to operate by any standard. They also are expertly skilled at writing backwards. OS’s break FC’s stuff (consoles) so we get mad and blow stuff up. You can’t spell LOSER without “OS”.
# PC (Postal Clerk) Mail man. He makes sure that the FC’s get their cookies from mommy. That way the FC’s are happy and continue to blow stuff up. Then the OS will ask for a cookie. Then FC’s will drop it on the floor and the OS’s will eat it. No one likes OS’s so no one sends them cookies. OS can’t spell LOSER without it.
# PN (Personnelman) Bug FC’s about personal requirements rights and benefits. They also keep records up to date. That way when a FC gets an award it goes into his Service record. That makes FC’s happy so they go blow stuff up.
# QM (Quartermaster) Steer the ship and skillfully navigate the ship. That way FC’s are closer to the stuff they blow up so they can take pictures.
# IT (Information Technician) They use to be RM’s (Radioman) Operate communications. Like E-mail and secret communications as well. That way FC’s can write home about stuff they blew up. Plus the ship can talk to other ships about stuff the FC’s blew up. That way the FC’s feel good and get a ribbon.
# SH (Ship’s Serviceman) Manage barber shops, ships store etc. That way FC’s can have candy that the OS’s, ET’s, and GM’s buy them. The FC’s can also get a hair cut and look sharp for the pictures after blowing stuff up.
# SK (Storekeeper) Supply clerks. They order stuff for the ship. That way the FC’s can have new parts for the equipment. Or a new shirt and some pants. SK’s get us stuff so we can blow stuff up.
# SM (Signalman) Lookouts, use visual signals to communicate. That way they can tell the ship we blew up with no power “Ha Ha you piece of $#!t my FC’s blew you up” SM also pick up dead birds that the Fire Control Radar kills. SM also put up pretty flags so the ship looks nice. They also get really, really drunk and yell and scream and drag poor HM’s out of their racks at 0100 so they can scream and cry like little girls. That pisses the FC’s off so they blow stuff up. SM’s also see ship and other targets on the ocean. Then the FC’s blow them up.
# ST (Sonar Technician) Look for things long and hard full of seaman. ST’s try to find subs. But usually the FC’s find them when subs pop up from the water. Then the FC’s blow them up. ST’s are also used as manual labor. That way FC’s can sleep. Most of the time they can’t because ST’s like to moan in their rack. Sitting alone in sonar make you freaky. When FC’s see ST’s they get mad and blow stuff up.
# TM (Torpedoman’s Mate) TM’s maintain underwater explosive materials. TM’s annoy subs so the sub will finally surface. Then the FC’s will blow it up. TM’s make it fun for the FC’s to think about blowing subs up.
# YN (Yeoman) Secretarial work and clerical work. They write things into FC’s records so the FC’s can blow stuff up. YN’s do a lot of paper work. So they are busy and can never help FC’s. So FC’s get mad and blow stuff up.
Well that’s about it. Remeber FC’s are crazy. 55.3 degrees pouring on your head endlessly. Along with Radiation and other evil means of mind control. FC’s go insane and cause public disturbances and willy grabbing. There are other rates in the Navy as well. Some how in the end they all work for the FC.
The Fire Controlman’s Creed
All Rates in the Navy work for The Fire Controlman. The Navy’s primary mission is to keep peace. In order to do that we blow stuff up. The Fire Controlman is the key to this mission. The following is an explanation of why all rates work for FC’s..
# BM (Boatswain’s Mate) They train, direct, and supervise others in marlinespike, deck and boat seamanship; they paint to make the ship look nice. That way when they take pictures after FC’s blow stuff up we look good. Then FC’s get more ribbons. BM’s also help FC’s go on liberty faster by doing all the work we don’t like. BM’s Work for the FC’s.
# CT (Cryptologic Technician) CT’s control the flow of messages and information. They sit in a secret room and do strange things that no one knows about. Sooner or later the information they collect is used to blow stuff up. So therefore they work for the FC’s.
# DC (Damage Controlman) Perform the work necessary for damage control. They repair damage control equipment and systems. So if by some means we take an incoming missile the FC’s can continue to blow stuff up.
# DK (Disbursing Clerk) Maintain the financial records of Navy Personal. That way FC’s get paid to blow stuff up.
# DT (Dental Technician) Dentists. They keep FC’s teeth happy. That way the FC’s are happy and don’t blow stuff up when they aren’t supposed to.
# EM (Electrician’s Mate) The operation and repair of the ship’s electrical power plant and electrical equipment. They help give FC’s power so they can blow stuff up.
# ET (Electronics Technician) Responsible for a bunch of electronic equipment; communications, cheap radar. They take care of the easy electronics so the FC’s don’t have to. That way the FC’s have more time to blow stuff up. ET’s should also take a sanity test. During Techcore they had a chance to become an FC. Why they picked ET is because they are insane or something.
# EW (Electronics Warfare Technician) Operate and maintain electronic equipment used in target detection and location, and the prevention of spying by enemies. Really what they do is determine friend or foe. They don’t do that well anyway. If they think it is a bad guy we blow it up. If by some means we fail to take out an incoming missile EW’s launch chaff. That is about all they are good for. They also sit and complain about being on watch. EW’s are good for bringing FC’s snacks.
# FC (Fire Controlman) Maintain and operate weapon systems used on combat ships. Complex electronics are used to ensure correct missile guidance and other such ordnance. This equipment includes; Radar, computers, weapons-direction equipment, target-designation systems and range finders. FC’s help other FC’s blow stuff up.
# FC (AEGIS) FC’s that are in the AEGIS weapon system. AEGIS is split into 4 elements. SPY, Computer, FCS/ORTS and Display. SPY Techs work on the SPY Radar, the main Search and Track Fire Control radar for the AEGIS weapon system. Computer Tech’s sleep in most of the day. Once in a while they change a tape or some thing. FCS/ORTS Techs sleep all day as well, but they sit on the Missile System Supervisor Console and get to push the pretty button. Display, they fix consoles and everything else related to AEGIS but not really. There are many different types of FC’s. The main purpose of them all is to BLOW STUFF UP!!! Or help in the process of doing so. Without FC’s Navy ships would be used as tug boats or crappy cruise liners.
# GM (Gunner’s Mate) Maintain and repair gunnery systems. Some times even missile-launching systems. They clean them and paint them all nice and pretty. Then the FC’s blow stuff up and get their stuff dirty. They also load the ordnance on the ship. That way FC’s can blow stuff up. GM’s don’t get to blow stuff up because they like to poop in their hands and throw it at people. They are a form of FC that went horribly wrong early on in the process a million years ago when we were all monkeys. Due to their inbreeding they can’t blow stuff up.
# GS (Gas Turbine System Technician) Operate, repair, and maintain main propulsion machinery. They are the stinky guys who make sure the ship can move. Make sure to get the FC’s where they need to go to blow stuff up.
# HM (Hospital Corpsman) They keep FC’s healthy and happy. They give us cool drugs to make us crazy. HM’s are the Navy’s cheap way to give us some type of medical care person. Their cure for all you pains and sickness is Motrin. Motrin makes FC’s angry so we blow stuff up.
# HT (Hull Maintenance Technician) Responsible for maintaining ship’s hulls, fittings, piping systems, and machinery. They are plumbers. They chase turds all day. They also get to weld some times. They fix the toilets so the FC’s can poop. Then the FC’s read in the crapper and learn more about blowing stuff up.
# IC (Interior Communications Electrician) Operate and repair devices used in ship’s interior communicates systems. They fix phones so the FC’s can talk. They also run SITE TV, and stuff like that. So FC’s can watch TV. The main thing they do is keep the gyro running. That way FC’s can blow stuff up.
# IS (Intelligence Specialist) Get secret military information. They do a bunch of strange things to find enemies. So FC’s can blow them up.
# MA (Master-at-Arms) Help keep law and order on the ship. That way the FC’s don’t have to kill everyone aboard. MAA make FC’s happy by letting FC’s get away with stuff like “Training Videos”. FC’s like to watch them. That makes them happy. Then they go blow stuff up.
# MS (Mess Management Specialist) They cook food and feed FC’s. FC’s like MS’s because FC’s are really hungry after blowing stuff up. Next time you see an MS tell them FC’s love them. Their food gives us gas so in combat FC’s always win in a farting contest.
# NC (Navy Counselor) Try to get FC’s to reenlist. Then FC’s get nearly $60,000 and continue the endless quest to blow stuff up.
# OS (Operations Specialist) Pretend to operate radar’s, navigation and communications equipment. They pretty much clean Combat Information Center. Then go and get FC’s a coke to drink. They sit on a console but it’s not hard to operate by any standard. They also are expertly skilled at writing backwards. OS’s break FC’s stuff (consoles) so we get mad and blow stuff up. You can’t spell LOSER without “OS”.
# PC (Postal Clerk) Mail man. He makes sure that the FC’s get their cookies from mommy. That way the FC’s are happy and continue to blow stuff up. Then the OS will ask for a cookie. Then FC’s will drop it on the floor and the OS’s will eat it. No one likes OS’s so no one sends them cookies. OS can’t spell LOSER without it.
# PN (Personnelman) Bug FC’s about personal requirements rights and benefits. They also keep records up to date. That way when a FC gets an award it goes into his Service record. That makes FC’s happy so they go blow stuff up.
# QM (Quartermaster) Steer the ship and skillfully navigate the ship. That way FC’s are closer to the stuff they blow up so they can take pictures.
# IT (Information Technician) They use to be RM’s (Radioman) Operate communications. Like E-mail and secret communications as well. That way FC’s can write home about stuff they blew up. Plus the ship can talk to other ships about stuff the FC’s blew up. That way the FC’s feel good and get a ribbon.
# SH (Ship’s Serviceman) Manage barber shops, ships store etc. That way FC’s can have candy that the OS’s, ET’s, and GM’s buy them. The FC’s can also get a hair cut and look sharp for the pictures after blowing stuff up.
# SK (Storekeeper) Supply clerks. They order stuff for the ship. That way the FC’s can have new parts for the equipment. Or a new shirt and some pants. SK’s get us stuff so we can blow stuff up.
# SM (Signalman) Lookouts, use visual signals to communicate. That way they can tell the ship we blew up with no power “Ha Ha you piece of $#!t my FC’s blew you up” SM also pick up dead birds that the Fire Control Radar kills. SM also put up pretty flags so the ship looks nice. They also get really, really drunk and yell and scream and drag poor HM’s out of their racks at 0100 so they can scream and cry like little girls. That pisses the FC’s off so they blow stuff up. SM’s also see ship and other targets on the ocean. Then the FC’s blow them up.
# ST (Sonar Technician) Look for things long and hard full of seaman. ST’s try to find subs. But usually the FC’s find them when subs pop up from the water. Then the FC’s blow them up. ST’s are also used as manual labor. That way FC’s can sleep. Most of the time they can’t because ST’s like to moan in their rack. Sitting alone in sonar make you freaky. When FC’s see ST’s they get mad and blow stuff up.
# TM (Torpedoman’s Mate) TM’s maintain underwater explosive materials. TM’s annoy subs so the sub will finally surface. Then the FC’s will blow it up. TM’s make it fun for the FC’s to think about blowing subs up.
# YN (Yeoman) Secretarial work and clerical work. They write things into FC’s records so the FC’s can blow stuff up. YN’s do a lot of paper work. So they are busy and can never help FC’s. So FC’s get mad and blow stuff up.
Well that’s about it. Remeber FC’s are crazy. 55.3 degrees pouring on your head endlessly. Along with Radiation and other evil means of mind control. FC’s go insane and cause public disturbances and willy grabbing. There are other rates in the Navy as well. Some how in the end they all work for the FC.
Ycats
~ycats
ROFL
