Where to begin...

First off, thanks to all the people that have recently friended me and/or fav'ed the photos that I have.
Secondly, I would say updates will continue to be erratic, at best, but thanks for those that still watches me.

I suppose I have never envisioned using this (the Journal system/thing on FA) for any of my more personal rantings, but I know a fair few of you have been wondering how I have been, or wondering "so what has this Tiggy been up to". So maybe it is easier to use this to push a semi-impromptu update as this site is one (of a few) that a few people I know checks/uses.

I am in a complete and utter mess and wreck emotionally and to a certain extent, financially and that has transferred over to physically as well over time. This has pretty much been the case since the start of the year, just that I never really showed it much (if at all) to anyone else. Perhapes it's a good thing for all those around me seeing as all I hear is "ohnoes I don't want drama go away" kinda thing.

Some of you might already know what I mean/have been going through. For everyone else, I don't have the energy right now to even want to explain, nor want to dig deeper into my brain. Maybe I might explain further in the distant future, but for now, my parting thoughts are these...

People do and can pretty much get away with doing anything without any consequences.
And everyone, ultimately, are pretty much dispensable and replaceable.

The more I take a step back and look around and observe, the more a few things become much clearer in my mind. I think I have inadvertantly built up an invisible wall of sorts over the past 2-3 years since that I forgot to think and look outside the box only until very recently. And at the end of the day, action outweighs anything.

"Friendship" is such a loosely termed word these days that even accepting a "friend request" suffice as, being friends with each other. I look around me these days and felt even more alone than before, despite the fact that I might know a lot more people now than a few years ago,

At the end of the day, I think it's all too easy to say "I am sorry" or "I really regretted doing this" or "I wish there is something that could be done". Because ultimately the choice and decision is always there. We are just all too afraid to make that choice/decision, and actually, DO something, anything, about it.

"Avoiding drama" is overrated, and being "neutral and trying to be friends with everyone and not to offend" or "I will not choose one or the other" is such a load of bollocks. I believe that's a complete cop-out of you having to actually take a stand on anything.

Just keep telling yourself that you are right and justify what you did was right, and you were not to blame. Because once again, people will always, look out for themselves only first and foremost. At least that's what I have learned, and observed from the actions of others, and myself, for the past while.

I suppose the bitter pill for me to swallow is that at least, I have given it all, emotionally and finanacially for a lot of things and people and really, well... I won't say any more.

Thanks and that's it for now. I am exhausted and so I shall attempt to go to sleep, even though I have pretty much developed chronic insomnia for the past few months, I wouldn't be able to sleep and if I do, it'll be lucky if I manage to get any actual rest. And before anyone suggest going to see a doctor or suggest certain remedies, thank you in advance but I'll save you from telling me that.