Love... just a psychological neuron in the brain that reacts with need and beauty. Tch, yeah... beauty. I'd like to believe love is just. I have before, but now?... I just don't know if fate really happens. When the one you truly love is now just a close friend, 3000 miles away. A spark once there but not there anymore. Then the crush you have not even being your type, and you end up humiliating yourself, your ego and your emotions. I believed in love... I even defended love against those who looked down upon it, but... now?... I see where they're getting at.

To say "I love you" because you really do, and have the ability to just be within your partners arms, close to them, such closeness to show love and care to both sides...

I went for a walk tonight; dark, cold and alone; and I thought about "love." As the saying goes "Till death do us part"... what about after death? They say love lasts forever... but forever is eternity... and our lives average around 80 years... that's not eternity... after death love just... disappears? Sure, some may say there's an "afterlife" and/or our souls go on living... afterlife? No. Just no. Not my cup of tea. The souls though?... I'm just losing faith in that concept and their fate.

I sometimes wonder... what would it be like if I died right now? For a few month, grievance, sure. What about 5 years? Family may still remember, but the ones you've loved to relationship status... they'd see me as "that friend that died years ago" and they move on... sure, it's good to move on. Human nature. But... to be seen as "that friend that died" by the one you love?... hmm...

During my walk, I passed some flowers. Flowers are like love. They grow, and then they die; grow, and die again. It's a fucking cycle... a cycle of life, and then the cold touch of death. Like love... grows, dies, grows, dies. "Oh, but each growth is more beautiful than the last." Yeah, but it still dies... Why go through the constant cycle of love then heartbreak? Why go through the reoccurring pain of lost love? "Tis better to have love lost than no love at all." But... what if we can't find said love to begin with?... Nothing but false hope and distant love...

So I sit here, writing, wondering why I keep attempting to love, to have tat feeling of being in my partners arms and just stay there; content, secure, safe... I don't see it happening for me... I see others with better luck and opportunities alike... and I sit there, envious, jealous, just wanting to know what that really feels like...

I just don't know with love anymore... I've tried and tried again, but it's just not working for me. Sure, you may put me down and say "You're wrong, love IS worth it, you fuckwit." ... By all means, go for it because quite frankly, I've lost all hope in it for the time being... Fate hates me right now, and I hate it, so I'm done trying from such mutuallity. Done trying to search for love that is prone to not happen. For now, I stay in the shadows of the world of hearts. For now, love is meaningless to me... Sorry.

- Viper