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i think i am bi polar lol
15 years ago
General
no seriously i think that i may be bi polar lol because like one minute everything is right in the world and i am happy as fuck and things couldn't get better. then the next minute i am really depressed or overly emotional and feel like things are falling apart in my life when really they are little small tiny issues that can be solved very easily. lately i have noticed this more and more and it seems like a almost daily occurrence. well i mean i guess it would make sense because every guy on my dad's side of my family is bi polar and i guess i would be the next one in line to have it.
i just feel bad because i freak out and end up upsetting people or hurting people that i really care about and love to death. also i have noticed that my temper has gotten worse lately and i tend to snap and do stupid stuff (never hurt anyone) but i have punched holes in walls, punched the mirror on the back of my closet door, broken the glass in the rear view mirror in my car, kicked dents in my beater car. or just generally driving like a pissed of teenager which is the dumbest thing i could do because one ticket and my job as a mechanic and bmw could be gone.
so idk i am just a mess lately and i hate it and don't like dealing with it. also it seems like not much makes me happy any more. like i can only think of like 3 things that make me happy instantly and thats my awesome mate, driving insanely fast and letting out my aggression on something if that makes sense
well i am just a mess lol and i start college tomorrow which is stressing me out more and more too. hell i have even started smoking and dipping a lil to try and deal with shit lately which is really bad because my grandma is still fighting mouth cancer and she has been through hell and back multiple times and my mate is trying to quit smoking while i have been doing it more which is not supporting him to kick his habit at all really and i feel shitty for it.
well i am just a screwed up emo wolf i guess lol will just have to learn how to deal with it myself.......well......hopefully
-otto
i just feel bad because i freak out and end up upsetting people or hurting people that i really care about and love to death. also i have noticed that my temper has gotten worse lately and i tend to snap and do stupid stuff (never hurt anyone) but i have punched holes in walls, punched the mirror on the back of my closet door, broken the glass in the rear view mirror in my car, kicked dents in my beater car. or just generally driving like a pissed of teenager which is the dumbest thing i could do because one ticket and my job as a mechanic and bmw could be gone.
so idk i am just a mess lately and i hate it and don't like dealing with it. also it seems like not much makes me happy any more. like i can only think of like 3 things that make me happy instantly and thats my awesome mate, driving insanely fast and letting out my aggression on something if that makes sense
well i am just a mess lol and i start college tomorrow which is stressing me out more and more too. hell i have even started smoking and dipping a lil to try and deal with shit lately which is really bad because my grandma is still fighting mouth cancer and she has been through hell and back multiple times and my mate is trying to quit smoking while i have been doing it more which is not supporting him to kick his habit at all really and i feel shitty for it.
well i am just a screwed up emo wolf i guess lol will just have to learn how to deal with it myself.......well......hopefully
-otto
Think of your mood as a wavelength. People without bipolar disorder have a small wavelength. Their mood and emotions slowly and gradually go up and down. People with bipolar disorder have more extreme waves that go way up and way down.
I think what you may have might be depression. And like I said, look into getting help if you have the inkling of a feeling that there might be something going on.
And you're smoking more? Mmm.
and yeah i have thought about maybe talking to someone but i wouldn't know who or where and such
i have not smoked scene the last time we talked