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God. Is. Awesome.
15 years ago
General
Praise the Lord! I am free!
Wait, wait. I should back up. I just... it's so hard to keep from shouting my praise! It's just so awesome what He's done for me today!
You see, I've been going through this workbook I bought at the Wild At Heart Boot Camp. It's a companion guide to "Walking With God", which I've felt the need to do in the last few weeks... or months. Life has been a little confusing; who better to ask about it then God?
Anyway, it does dive into some deep and personal questions, often forcing you to admit what you believe about God, love and other things, looking for what needs to be healed and where you've made agreements with the devil. It's rather heavy stuff and I would warn anyone going in that you can expect God to take a roto-rooter to your heart. Hurts like hell while it's happening, but oh! OH! The RELEASE that comes afterward! I feel like shouting His words to me to the very heavens!!
Ohhhhh, but I should share! I should! It's so awesome!
Things got real heavy today. Got down to agreements about love in particular. The workbook forced me to narrow things down, to expose what part of my life I had not yielded to God (and there may still be others; who knows?). When I finally got right down to it, I discovered what I really believed about love:
"It's too hard to find; why look?"
Oh, the pain. The heartache. The absolute conviction. This is what God was driving at. The wounding of my sexuality, of my romantic heart. The devil wanted me to think myself a dreamer, a fool, a "hopeless romantic"; a person full of passion and love but unable to ever handle it. Unable to ever win a woman. God knows, I've messed up so badly. If my past were not merely virtual, if my actions had not remained purely on the internet, I would be... *sigh* This part's hard, but true. A slut. A prostitute. A whore. Who did I deny when they asked? Who did I turn down? If it had happened in reality, I'd be lucky not to have twenty kinds of STD. I went looking for love in all the wrong places, at least one that felt right to me... and I got burned. So I made my agreements with the devil and locked up my heart. Who could blame me?
But oh! My Father would not tolerate that! He's been leading me here, though I could not see it. My heart was laid bare, the agreement exposed. I could not deny the pain and agony any longer. It's probably why I went numb after my last girlfriend broke up with me. It was just easier not to feel the pain, nor feel sorry for what I'd dealt her. But God has healed me of that. It was hard, and it hurt, yet He pulled me through. He took me to that place in my heart, and you know what he told me?
"You are a wonderful, compassionate young man, full of love. You are worthy of a wife. Go and find her."
HALLELUJAH!! I feel like dancing! Like singing! Like shouting it to the world! How can I keep from singing His praise?!? It's fantastic! Wonderful!
Now I just need to ask Him where to look. Man, this is so exciting!! I don't care how long it takes! I'm gonna find a woman, and... and... oh, I'm not too sure on the details, but I know I'll find one for me! And then... the real adventure begins!
Wish me luck!! ^.^
P.S. And my keyboard troubles are clearing up! Seems only the Capslock is holding out on me. w00t! God is AWESOME!!
Wait, wait. I should back up. I just... it's so hard to keep from shouting my praise! It's just so awesome what He's done for me today!
You see, I've been going through this workbook I bought at the Wild At Heart Boot Camp. It's a companion guide to "Walking With God", which I've felt the need to do in the last few weeks... or months. Life has been a little confusing; who better to ask about it then God?
Anyway, it does dive into some deep and personal questions, often forcing you to admit what you believe about God, love and other things, looking for what needs to be healed and where you've made agreements with the devil. It's rather heavy stuff and I would warn anyone going in that you can expect God to take a roto-rooter to your heart. Hurts like hell while it's happening, but oh! OH! The RELEASE that comes afterward! I feel like shouting His words to me to the very heavens!!
Ohhhhh, but I should share! I should! It's so awesome!
Things got real heavy today. Got down to agreements about love in particular. The workbook forced me to narrow things down, to expose what part of my life I had not yielded to God (and there may still be others; who knows?). When I finally got right down to it, I discovered what I really believed about love:
"It's too hard to find; why look?"
Oh, the pain. The heartache. The absolute conviction. This is what God was driving at. The wounding of my sexuality, of my romantic heart. The devil wanted me to think myself a dreamer, a fool, a "hopeless romantic"; a person full of passion and love but unable to ever handle it. Unable to ever win a woman. God knows, I've messed up so badly. If my past were not merely virtual, if my actions had not remained purely on the internet, I would be... *sigh* This part's hard, but true. A slut. A prostitute. A whore. Who did I deny when they asked? Who did I turn down? If it had happened in reality, I'd be lucky not to have twenty kinds of STD. I went looking for love in all the wrong places, at least one that felt right to me... and I got burned. So I made my agreements with the devil and locked up my heart. Who could blame me?
But oh! My Father would not tolerate that! He's been leading me here, though I could not see it. My heart was laid bare, the agreement exposed. I could not deny the pain and agony any longer. It's probably why I went numb after my last girlfriend broke up with me. It was just easier not to feel the pain, nor feel sorry for what I'd dealt her. But God has healed me of that. It was hard, and it hurt, yet He pulled me through. He took me to that place in my heart, and you know what he told me?
"You are a wonderful, compassionate young man, full of love. You are worthy of a wife. Go and find her."
HALLELUJAH!! I feel like dancing! Like singing! Like shouting it to the world! How can I keep from singing His praise?!? It's fantastic! Wonderful!
Now I just need to ask Him where to look. Man, this is so exciting!! I don't care how long it takes! I'm gonna find a woman, and... and... oh, I'm not too sure on the details, but I know I'll find one for me! And then... the real adventure begins!
Wish me luck!! ^.^
P.S. And my keyboard troubles are clearing up! Seems only the Capslock is holding out on me. w00t! God is AWESOME!!
I wouldn't have it so well today if it weren't for the Lord... in fact, I HAVE found the woman He's intended for me-- right here on FA, even! It really will be an adventure finishing up my education, getting a job, proposing, and all-in-all setting the foundation to raise a future family on in His name. :o)
Good luck and God Bless, my friend! *hugs tight* ^u^
Hard to tell on FA.
And I do hope to experience it again. *sigh* What we call "life" can drag you down pretty quick. I just hope I can find some Brothers in Arms to help me keep the faith.