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A Real Journal Entry.
15 years ago
General
An actual journal entry, wow!
It been a while since I've written anything of real substance here, so I figured I should write a brief entry on how I feel about my life at the moment.
Summer is ending, and fall is very near. The leaves started to change color way back at the end of August. Most people out here see this as an omen to a possible long bitter cold winter to come. Honestly my only wish is that winter keeps itself predictable for the most part, and that we actually get a "Fall" this year. Yes a good Fall, unlike that stupid crap last year where we had it for a week and then a massive frost killed all the color and we had four and half months of deathly brown.
At this moment in time I am complacent. The last few months have been hard on me. I can't say I'm miserable. I'm a very lucky person. I have a job (it annoys me but I have income), and a roof over my head. I have good friends and family I can turn to if I need help, and my roommates pretty much rock. I can't complain.
I think what I need to do now is look at how to improve myself and start building some goals to reach.
I've been aimless for a a while and it led me down a path of depression, anxiety, and despair. Medication has helped to keep some of the worst bits of depression from seeping up into my daily life, but medication isn't the only answer. I need to be more constructive and proactive about this. During the summer I went in to the college's counciling services. Unfortunately that ended with the college's new school year. I had hoped to continue with it but I may have to wait or simply seek help out somewhere else. We'll see where that takes me.
Through the summer session, I've come to realize a great deal of my problems that I thought had been dealt with were never laid to rest, but were simply sleeping, waiting for the moment when the stress was too much for my body and in the process reared its ugly mug when I was at my weakest. I ignored some pretty evident warning signs that an impending meltdown was going to happen. In retrospect, how could I have stopped it when I had no idea it was there. They say ignorance is bliss. Well that much is true.
So what now? Well first and foremost, my artwork. I hadn't created anything in so long I couldn't physically do it anymore, and forcing oneself to be productive when you've gotten used to doing nothing is very difficult. Old habits really do die hard.
So then I find myself here on FA, and wonder, "why in the hell am I here?" Honestly of all places. I could have decided to work on my Deviant Art account but instead I embrace the furry?
Well I have been meaning to get on here for a while. I think trying to push myself to work through my problems and move on with my life was a big part of why I'm here, and its helped strangely enough.
In the span of a few months I've met so many wonderful people here. I've talked art, music, history, the joys of dealing with depression, and epic geekiness with many strange and interesting characters. I've found myself becoming a FA whore, where I regularly log on each night just to see what new and interesting artwork someone has posted. perhaps I'm getting addicted, but I've begun drawing more and actually posting some work on here.
Also.. I have met a few of you who I must say are just fantastic people. I've written rather long rants and even flirted with a few of you. Considering I'm the poster child for introverted dysfunctional geeks that's pretty amazing.
Many of you have blown me away with your artistic skills and knowledge. you've really put me to shame, but while that may be only another sign to quit I have instead have attempted to use that to strengthen my resolve. I want to do amazing art like yourselves. Some of you might think that's a little harsh as everyone's art is different and each creative journey is different from everyone else, but I'm using this negativity to essentially say that I'm going to do art that kicks ass whether I like it or not.
I'm going to beat whatever the hell dragged me down. I can't say it will be easy and I'm sure I'm going to complain a lot and do a whole lot of epic drooling on other peoples work. I mean everyone needs a fanboy you know!
Okay, okay maybe I will tone the fanboy down a bit.I'm sure it must be off putting a bit. I tell you what. If I'm drooling too much just let me know. Sometimes I'm unaware of my actions. I really do need to pay attention. :D
I'm going to persevere.
That's the goal. We will see what becomes of all this. In the mean time everyone don't act stupid and stay safe.
-Theoriae
It been a while since I've written anything of real substance here, so I figured I should write a brief entry on how I feel about my life at the moment.
Summer is ending, and fall is very near. The leaves started to change color way back at the end of August. Most people out here see this as an omen to a possible long bitter cold winter to come. Honestly my only wish is that winter keeps itself predictable for the most part, and that we actually get a "Fall" this year. Yes a good Fall, unlike that stupid crap last year where we had it for a week and then a massive frost killed all the color and we had four and half months of deathly brown.
At this moment in time I am complacent. The last few months have been hard on me. I can't say I'm miserable. I'm a very lucky person. I have a job (it annoys me but I have income), and a roof over my head. I have good friends and family I can turn to if I need help, and my roommates pretty much rock. I can't complain.
I think what I need to do now is look at how to improve myself and start building some goals to reach.
I've been aimless for a a while and it led me down a path of depression, anxiety, and despair. Medication has helped to keep some of the worst bits of depression from seeping up into my daily life, but medication isn't the only answer. I need to be more constructive and proactive about this. During the summer I went in to the college's counciling services. Unfortunately that ended with the college's new school year. I had hoped to continue with it but I may have to wait or simply seek help out somewhere else. We'll see where that takes me.
Through the summer session, I've come to realize a great deal of my problems that I thought had been dealt with were never laid to rest, but were simply sleeping, waiting for the moment when the stress was too much for my body and in the process reared its ugly mug when I was at my weakest. I ignored some pretty evident warning signs that an impending meltdown was going to happen. In retrospect, how could I have stopped it when I had no idea it was there. They say ignorance is bliss. Well that much is true.
So what now? Well first and foremost, my artwork. I hadn't created anything in so long I couldn't physically do it anymore, and forcing oneself to be productive when you've gotten used to doing nothing is very difficult. Old habits really do die hard.
So then I find myself here on FA, and wonder, "why in the hell am I here?" Honestly of all places. I could have decided to work on my Deviant Art account but instead I embrace the furry?
Well I have been meaning to get on here for a while. I think trying to push myself to work through my problems and move on with my life was a big part of why I'm here, and its helped strangely enough.
In the span of a few months I've met so many wonderful people here. I've talked art, music, history, the joys of dealing with depression, and epic geekiness with many strange and interesting characters. I've found myself becoming a FA whore, where I regularly log on each night just to see what new and interesting artwork someone has posted. perhaps I'm getting addicted, but I've begun drawing more and actually posting some work on here.
Also.. I have met a few of you who I must say are just fantastic people. I've written rather long rants and even flirted with a few of you. Considering I'm the poster child for introverted dysfunctional geeks that's pretty amazing.
Many of you have blown me away with your artistic skills and knowledge. you've really put me to shame, but while that may be only another sign to quit I have instead have attempted to use that to strengthen my resolve. I want to do amazing art like yourselves. Some of you might think that's a little harsh as everyone's art is different and each creative journey is different from everyone else, but I'm using this negativity to essentially say that I'm going to do art that kicks ass whether I like it or not.
I'm going to beat whatever the hell dragged me down. I can't say it will be easy and I'm sure I'm going to complain a lot and do a whole lot of epic drooling on other peoples work. I mean everyone needs a fanboy you know!
Okay, okay maybe I will tone the fanboy down a bit.I'm sure it must be off putting a bit. I tell you what. If I'm drooling too much just let me know. Sometimes I'm unaware of my actions. I really do need to pay attention. :D
I'm going to persevere.
That's the goal. We will see what becomes of all this. In the mean time everyone don't act stupid and stay safe.
-Theoriae
Here's to an excellent rest of the year!
I only have five hours of school bullshit to do then I can embed myself in furry cocks for the rest of the day!!!