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Is pain really the cost of things most precious?
15 years ago
Well due to my work schedual it has taken 3 weeks to get this posted but here it is,
(oh and if your not one of the 14 who got direct links don't think that means you can't comment kay?)
(EDIT: Also even though this journal is off the front page don't be afraid to respond)
This is something I have been wondering about lately. I have always considered pain to be a part of life and something we can learn from. In fact often when I see a person or something whining on tv about how hard life is and how horrible everything is I often get a bit annoyed that they are whining rather than just fixing it and growing, and consentrating on the bad rather than the opertunities.
I mean alot of good things in life are painful, the birth of a child, endless school and home work, corrective surgeries.
And of coarse religion is something I personally hold dear and as a christian I believe as according to the scriptures the Lord himself came to earth to save us in the most painful of ways.
Now as some of you may know while my life story isnt horrendous or something it's still what some would say below average But I have often thought these pains have been part of what made me what I am. The hard things I have had happen woke me up early having to face such hardships so early in life, I matured sooner than others, giving me a head start.
Pain is the result of a problem that needs to be fixed, so if you have pain, you have a problem, but if you can fix that problem you can become stronger and better than before.
But pain doesn't always come with growth and can also be distracting, clouding our minds and causing us do things that make things worse.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that pain didn't help us, solving our problems did, pain was just the messanger.
So any time a new situation, friend or anything else came about I would scour it from top to bottem looking for anything that could hurt me, calculate what could be learned and then memorise what could be painful so I could avoid them.
I began blocking anything painful as I didn't need them so long as I learned my lessons. During every decision I consider what could go wrong and what could be learned from anything painful that could result.
I put up a protective shield to try and keep from getting hurt, and I am always concentrating on how I could be hurt if I came out, effectivly scareing myself into a protective corner.
So I stand back and try not to get to close or only as close as I need to be. I also like to not get involved or try to get involved as little as possible and just roll over rather than risk being jabed, they can't hurt you if they can't touch you and they won't even try if they don't know your thier.
I also have a naturally submisive personality when not provoked
I leave any potentailly hurtful moves or first moves to the other person as I would rather be hurt than to hurt another.
It might sound like a good thing, and I suppose it is.... to an extent, but to much of a good thing can hurt us and be very wrong.
You see its not just cause I am a nice guy but also because I am afraid, If I make a hard move I might have to say I am sorry and put myself at their mercy hoping for thier forgiveness, what if they don't forgive me? What if I lose it all and its all my fault.
Just because I love someone and they say they love me doesn't mean I trust them, I trusted my father, bad idea, flawed people make mistakes no matter what.
And also when I do get hurt I try to keep it a secret because I am afraid they will think I am blaming them and hate me for it so if I stay quite I might be hurt but at least I won't make it worse and I still have them.
This might also partailly be because of how I grew up, things were often hard and I would want to cry to my mom but she was already working at her max, telling her would always just make her upset and mad making things worse, so I kept my mouth shut and just counted on her.
It hurt to keep some stuff inside but what else could I do?
So making my hurts known is always more painful for me than just rolling over.
I have been trying to change by being more open and letting people get closer to me but I still just roll over, if anything, the closer the relationship the more I roll over for fear of losing it all, its to painful and could hurt me to much and I would have to reley on others to keep us together.
A few times I have become phycically ill from this but I just told myself that I needed to pull back into my shell and go back a little and just tell myself saying anything will just make things worse and that I don't need to say anything because I can learn without the pain by anylising what I have.
But I have been in pain anyways, the only way to stop it seems to be to retreat completely, maybe phase myself out untill no one realises I have gone and then leave.
But maybe I have just been unwilling to pay the price of growth, one of the things I love about cubs is that they are growing all the time becoming better and always learning in contrast to adults who become set in their ways and just refine what they already know rather than growing as a cub.
Maybe I need to learn to be a bit more assertive, the thought makes me nausious just thinking about it but I can only anylize so much without needing new information and excperiances.
Maybe I need to be willing to put my heart on the line, but I don't want to, I might have to pay to high a price.
But maybe this is just the price I have to pay.
(oh and if your not one of the 14 who got direct links don't think that means you can't comment kay?)
(EDIT: Also even though this journal is off the front page don't be afraid to respond)
This is something I have been wondering about lately. I have always considered pain to be a part of life and something we can learn from. In fact often when I see a person or something whining on tv about how hard life is and how horrible everything is I often get a bit annoyed that they are whining rather than just fixing it and growing, and consentrating on the bad rather than the opertunities.
I mean alot of good things in life are painful, the birth of a child, endless school and home work, corrective surgeries.
And of coarse religion is something I personally hold dear and as a christian I believe as according to the scriptures the Lord himself came to earth to save us in the most painful of ways.
Now as some of you may know while my life story isnt horrendous or something it's still what some would say below average But I have often thought these pains have been part of what made me what I am. The hard things I have had happen woke me up early having to face such hardships so early in life, I matured sooner than others, giving me a head start.
Pain is the result of a problem that needs to be fixed, so if you have pain, you have a problem, but if you can fix that problem you can become stronger and better than before.
But pain doesn't always come with growth and can also be distracting, clouding our minds and causing us do things that make things worse.
Eventually I came to the conclusion that pain didn't help us, solving our problems did, pain was just the messanger.
So any time a new situation, friend or anything else came about I would scour it from top to bottem looking for anything that could hurt me, calculate what could be learned and then memorise what could be painful so I could avoid them.
I began blocking anything painful as I didn't need them so long as I learned my lessons. During every decision I consider what could go wrong and what could be learned from anything painful that could result.
I put up a protective shield to try and keep from getting hurt, and I am always concentrating on how I could be hurt if I came out, effectivly scareing myself into a protective corner.
So I stand back and try not to get to close or only as close as I need to be. I also like to not get involved or try to get involved as little as possible and just roll over rather than risk being jabed, they can't hurt you if they can't touch you and they won't even try if they don't know your thier.
I also have a naturally submisive personality when not provoked
I leave any potentailly hurtful moves or first moves to the other person as I would rather be hurt than to hurt another.
It might sound like a good thing, and I suppose it is.... to an extent, but to much of a good thing can hurt us and be very wrong.
You see its not just cause I am a nice guy but also because I am afraid, If I make a hard move I might have to say I am sorry and put myself at their mercy hoping for thier forgiveness, what if they don't forgive me? What if I lose it all and its all my fault.
Just because I love someone and they say they love me doesn't mean I trust them, I trusted my father, bad idea, flawed people make mistakes no matter what.
And also when I do get hurt I try to keep it a secret because I am afraid they will think I am blaming them and hate me for it so if I stay quite I might be hurt but at least I won't make it worse and I still have them.
This might also partailly be because of how I grew up, things were often hard and I would want to cry to my mom but she was already working at her max, telling her would always just make her upset and mad making things worse, so I kept my mouth shut and just counted on her.
It hurt to keep some stuff inside but what else could I do?
So making my hurts known is always more painful for me than just rolling over.
I have been trying to change by being more open and letting people get closer to me but I still just roll over, if anything, the closer the relationship the more I roll over for fear of losing it all, its to painful and could hurt me to much and I would have to reley on others to keep us together.
A few times I have become phycically ill from this but I just told myself that I needed to pull back into my shell and go back a little and just tell myself saying anything will just make things worse and that I don't need to say anything because I can learn without the pain by anylising what I have.
But I have been in pain anyways, the only way to stop it seems to be to retreat completely, maybe phase myself out untill no one realises I have gone and then leave.
But maybe I have just been unwilling to pay the price of growth, one of the things I love about cubs is that they are growing all the time becoming better and always learning in contrast to adults who become set in their ways and just refine what they already know rather than growing as a cub.
Maybe I need to learn to be a bit more assertive, the thought makes me nausious just thinking about it but I can only anylize so much without needing new information and excperiances.
Maybe I need to be willing to put my heart on the line, but I don't want to, I might have to pay to high a price.
But maybe this is just the price I have to pay.
and you know damn well that I wont think any less of ya.
and I have felt hurt when I have opened up before
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1469480/
but those i consider 'friend' i don't stab in the back. you have nothing to fear from me.
Thats part of why it hurts so much, I should trust you completely but I am still so afraid, I feel like I am letting people down when I don't trust them appropriatly
it protects you
You may not realize it, but when I started here on FA, I felt very much the same way. I had just been released from a job that, up until two months ago, never realized how truly much my co-workers hated me. Before they delivered the final blow of firing me, they told me how terrible a person I was for a variety of things I had no idea I had done to them. Moroever, much of what "I did" I didn't even do on purpose. Honestly, how can one be peppy and productive when, over those two years, they lost even more eyesight, required multiple eye surgeries to keep what they had left, and lost their father? I was a total mess.
Where we lived I lived at the time, I was 500 miles away from the closest friend I had. Thus, I was lone and loathing people for how I couldn't understand why, after so long, I had found out how much people hated me and thought my disability was a nuisance. I needed help.
In the hopes of finding myself, I logged onto FA to see if, for me, I could prove that I was not what my co-workers had made me out to be. This is when I met you. You were my very first friend and made me begin to see that it was okay to trust others again.
Over the months, you and I exchanged letters and I got brave enough to talk to others on FA. Now, I have a number of super pals to whom I've shared many close things with.
Thus, the point I am trying to make is that there are always going to be people out there who are going to hurt you. However, for every person who will hurt you, there are at least two, or more, who will be there to let you know that you're not a bad person and a truly good friend. You can't let the bad words and times of a few keep your heart closed to all those who want to truly be your friends. Friends may not always get along, but they are there for each other and, thus, as long as you are honest and happy with yourself, those around you will be happy and honest with you. :)
You're a great person, Berto. Very creative and kind-hearted. I wouldn't enjoy talking to you, or writing your character into stories, if I didn't believe it. Therefore, hold your head up high and know that, along with me, you have lots of pals who think you're the best. :) *Hugs*
You are a truelly wonderful person, may the Lord bless you and walk with you all your days
May you have a most blessed day as well. During all of my trials, I always thought on how God never gives us anything that he doesn't know we can't handle. Sometimes his ways may seem cruel, but he always knows what we can do and, in surviving each trial, we become all that stronger on the inside and out. :)
All I have to say is Work is extremely tiring and once 10pm runs I pretty much collapse like a ton of bricks. I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.... Im actually kinda happy about that though because I got a 5:30am morning when I'm on days... so its good for me
I don't work till Monday so I'm still here if you wanna talk to the fandom vet (old man whatever you wanna call it) over here (Ive been around since late '03) and talk through whatever you need to in the confidence of a private IM session
I just I sometimes bottle things up and I think I need to be more open with furs I should trust *nuzzuls*
thankyou for thinking of me though and of course the above stems to all my fur friends and such so although the particular incident wasn't a real issue it might have only been a matter of time before this issue did squeeze itself between us and I don't want that to happen
sorta what i do today i try to avoid any and all things that cause pain and has made me a bit overly cautious in life at the same time it has stunted some growth in certain areas of persona;ity some of not being a big risk taker and genrally being a bit scared to try them in fear of pain whether it be physical or emotional
while not always in pain its just my cautious nature that has rooted itself in deeply making me more fearful and timid with stuff, not all things like movies but more rl stuff, just the what ifs, in a way it has helped but in others its more a burden not really having the strenghto stand up being in the grip of fear unable to escape though i have been fighting off some of my inner demons so to speak with the strength from my friendsbefore them it was just a downward spiral to earth with no means of survival, but am at least hanging in there, though the hold wont last forever the biggest inner demon being fear, which is quite intimidatin gto battle my fears are rooted in so deeply its just become hard to overcome but i am able to supress it and choke it off and keep it from growing some
but with you its not easy but we all do go through this theres always something aout each one of us that not even our friends can help with other than support and encouragement to help us in overcoming the obstacles in our lives that keep us from realy being truly happy
i myself am more submissive and a bit more spineless not able to fully stand up for myself and be more social in rl to caught up in fear to do so, i need to be assertive but its locked till i can bring down the fear inside me that tells me its a bad idea even its not
i myself have made myself ill thinking on it all trying to get stronger not only for myself but for others, but its not easy to do it never is and usually with it its best to take some personal time and clear your mind of thoughts and try organize everythingand just wear down at what keeps you from fully growing its not 100% in success, but doing so says you tried, and as long as you dont give up you odnt fail at it you have succeeded in learning what wont work in solving the issue
through it all pain is a part of life trying to avoid it only makes it worse than it is sometimes you hafta just jump in while at the same time using your head, you cant let fears control you or anything else pain is part of life its how we learn what to avoid and feeling that painn is one way to communicate on a whole nother level its not always bad it can teach us how to beter ourselves pain can be anything whether it be failure or seeing that actions have hurt someone close to us, its a learning experience for the most part its not all bad without it no one would know any better to avoid those things in a way its good to have it sometimes it cant be dealt with alone and thats why we have our friends not just for company but also for suppiort when we need it most in life a,d when pain is struck they can help it heal up some
it cant be ignored and it can only be avoided to such an extent its not unavoidable but nits all not avoidable, its a 50/50 deal sometimes you hafta experience it but rather stand firm through it and learn from it use it to better yourself and help you grow
sorry if this doesnt help but its all i got and can think of at the moment
I love you so much, again thankyou so much for always having my back
May the Lord always bless you as you have blessed me.