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Stitch's Movie Madness: The new 'Alvin and the Chipmunks'
18 years ago
General
Y'know, if there's one thing I've learned as a film buff, it's never to get too snooty about a movie before it's released. Heck, my DVD library is littered with flicks I was just sure were going to blow, at least until they came out and pleasantly surprised me. 'Happy Feet'? One of my faves. 'Over the Hedge'? Love it. 'Lion King 1 1/2'? I watch it all the time. The new 'Star Wars' trilogy? No, that still sucks, but at least I gave it the benefit of the doubt, even after 'Attack of the Clones'.
Which is my roundabout way of saying that a small part of me doesn't want to condemn this new CG 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' movie as the life draining hydrogen bomb of suck that it appears to be. Sure, Alvin and his siblings seem to have been force fed into some berserk marketing hay baler that sucked up their little rodenty souls, mangled them, and spat them back out as grotesque hip hop parodies of themselves, but hey, it could still work, right? After all, the 'Munks were never meant to do much more than offer up helium-pitched cover tunes of popular music, so it's not like there was a whole lot of artistic integrity there to violate, right?
It's just... well, there's no delicate way to put this, but Alvin eats a piece of shit in the new teaser trailer. I'm not kidding, he literally picks up a chunk of feces and pops it into his mouth. See, he's trying to convince Dave that it's a raisin, and... aw, heck, you get it, and anyway that's the only joke the trailer has to offer. Are your sides splitting with glee at the thought of Alvin and his brothers chugging poop like they're in some psychotic scheisser video? Mine aren't, but maybe I've got it all wrong. I've been completely ass-backward about movies before, and it's perfectly possible that one day I'll be declaring this new 'Chipmunks' movie to be one of the year's best. I honestly do want to be fair, even in the face of what seems to be a clear-cut case of a once-popular franchise being cynically gutted in an effort to bleed a few more dollars out of it before its corpse is chucked into the pop culture landfill.
It's just that it's really, really hard to square these new scatalogically-minded 'Chipmunks' with the ones I remember singing wistfully about finding model airplanes and hula hoops under the Christmas tree.
Which is my roundabout way of saying that a small part of me doesn't want to condemn this new CG 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' movie as the life draining hydrogen bomb of suck that it appears to be. Sure, Alvin and his siblings seem to have been force fed into some berserk marketing hay baler that sucked up their little rodenty souls, mangled them, and spat them back out as grotesque hip hop parodies of themselves, but hey, it could still work, right? After all, the 'Munks were never meant to do much more than offer up helium-pitched cover tunes of popular music, so it's not like there was a whole lot of artistic integrity there to violate, right?
It's just... well, there's no delicate way to put this, but Alvin eats a piece of shit in the new teaser trailer. I'm not kidding, he literally picks up a chunk of feces and pops it into his mouth. See, he's trying to convince Dave that it's a raisin, and... aw, heck, you get it, and anyway that's the only joke the trailer has to offer. Are your sides splitting with glee at the thought of Alvin and his brothers chugging poop like they're in some psychotic scheisser video? Mine aren't, but maybe I've got it all wrong. I've been completely ass-backward about movies before, and it's perfectly possible that one day I'll be declaring this new 'Chipmunks' movie to be one of the year's best. I honestly do want to be fair, even in the face of what seems to be a clear-cut case of a once-popular franchise being cynically gutted in an effort to bleed a few more dollars out of it before its corpse is chucked into the pop culture landfill.
It's just that it's really, really hard to square these new scatalogically-minded 'Chipmunks' with the ones I remember singing wistfully about finding model airplanes and hula hoops under the Christmas tree.
I'm likely NOT going to check this one out. Movies and I have an interesting relationship. I see previews for so many I WANT to see, but many of those I never end up seeing, either in the theater or on DVD. And some movies I just randomly pick up for the heck of it and see how it goes. That was pretty much how my interest in Firefly started, as well as a handful of anime series I picked up, purely on curiousity (And do I ever feel lucky in the end, since I DIDN'T waste my money).
This year alone has been a bit of a strange one as far as seeing them in the theater goes. TMNT, Spider-Man 3, Shrek 3, Pirates 3. Seen 4 movies so far. That doesn't seem like much, but considering that LAST year, when I saw Pirates 2, the last movie I saw in the theater was Revenge of the Sith the May the year before. I just don't get out often.
But seriously, you're not kidding about the shit-eating in the trailer? I gotta say, that alone should just condemn it. I'm sorry
And yet Hollywood keeps cranking out multi-million dollar junk that still seems like a waste of time.
No, I'm not kidding about the poo-in-the-mouth gag, though I really wish I was. It actually kinda made me queasy.
GHETTO CHIPMUNKS!?
XD This has to be bad...
It seems Hollywood is now taking our beloved cartoons from the yesteryears and making them CG and adding in stupid hiphop for all the kids to enjoy.
I remembered when it was just the 3 of them,with ther swetters with the first letter of their name in it...The voice actors being adult men , and with the magic of audio editing...
Yunno, Instead of the movie, I rather the story be like this
http://www.funnyheck.com/chipgangsta.html
THIS...IS better.
Tons of video's on Youtube!
XD Its really neat.
*barf*
I'll take "being snooty" over that, any day.
Do note though Alvin spat it out. Still the "Cloverleaf" trailer was much more enticing.
In this way, Hollywood can continue to lower their standards more and more every year while still maintaining profits. We should burn and kill them all before it's too late.
There have been plenty of legitimately good films that I nearly didn't go to see, based largely on lousy previews. Take 'Happy Feet', for instance... IMHO, it's an emotionally complex coming-of-age story with some awesome dance and action setpieces thrown into the bargain. The preview, however, showed nothing but Robin Williams making obnoxious 'booty' jokes (easily the weakest aspect of the film).
Personally I'm a tad insulted that Hollywood seems to think I won't go to see a movie unless I'm first made to believe that it's completely and utterly retarded.
Even worse is the trailer that shows pretty much everything in the movie, tossing spoilers about like confetti. I guess they don't care if the ending's ruined for you, they just want to get your ass in the theater. '1408' and 'Deja Vu' were teeth-grinding examples of this.
Wow, that really *could* be the plot for an entire movie.
Ever seen Idiocracy? "Ass"!
'Idiocracy', I mean, not Adam Sandler vomiting.
Lawrence, on the other hand, is a LOT too abrasive and self-conscious. :P
BTW, getting back to the original topic, I had a thought. In the original Chipmunk movie, the Chipettes all sing a song about how much they want to have sex with big snakes. So maybe questionable decisions aren't limited to the new one...
I'll confess I'm ignorant of the original Chipmunks movie. I've never been much into them - for my money, the best fictional 'munks remain Chip & Dale. :3
Btw, this is a hoot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SagUss0Z4Y8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wG3VSRZ_RcQ&mode=related&search=
Ho ho! Ha ha! You're showing _me_ Neil Cicierega's legendary Chipmunk Adventure redub? You dodn't even have the full version! *smug foxy grin*
http://www.eviltrailmix.com/ChipmunksRedub.avi