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The Jagged Edge of a Knife
18 years ago
General
As all things are subject to inflation, sadly, so are my prices. With the raise in my cost of living, commission prices have gone up, see footer below.
I've been sick the past couple of days, and was unable to sleep easily last night, and I began to reflect on a lot of things that I've been through.
Now, before you get the wrong impression, what follows is an explanation based on personal experience, and is in no way concrete fact for each and every person.
I've seen photomanips, photographs, drawings of the "emo" characters some people draw, cutting themselves. Now, as a former cutter, I'd like to offer an explanation of, at least my, how and why.
First off, I'd like to state that just because one cuts, it does not mean they are suicidal. For me, the process had started with experimentation and anger. I have always been slow to anger, and if I ever did get mad, I would far rather take it out on myself than someone else, at least then I know the extent of the damage being done.
My experimenting first started with heat and fire, which was too radical a shift, and it took longer, so I wanted to go with something that you could do without too much prepping. Secondly, I wanted a spark, something that was a nice, firm jolt. So I tried a knife.
Deciding where to cut was the next part, and just as before, there was a little bit of experimentation, but it all came down to logic more or less, I wanted the least amount of permanent damage, with as much sensation as possible. This narrowed the field a lot. In the end, I chose my palms and fingertips. Fingertips, primarily because of the massive amount of nerve endings in them.
You simply just take the knife, apply pressure, and a jolt runs into you. The pain was never unbearable, it was a kick down in the center of my spine, a firm reminder that I was alive, that what I felt was real.
It was a controlled method to vent anger, and just a reaffirming (to me) of my own humanity.
Whether or not this has enlightened anyone is up in the air, but I hope it's something you'll think about (not cutting yourself obviously, but think about the reasons behind why some people still do it).
I haven't done it in over four years, I found other ways to vent that kept my hands out of bandages for drawing.
Now, before you get the wrong impression, what follows is an explanation based on personal experience, and is in no way concrete fact for each and every person.
I've seen photomanips, photographs, drawings of the "emo" characters some people draw, cutting themselves. Now, as a former cutter, I'd like to offer an explanation of, at least my, how and why.
First off, I'd like to state that just because one cuts, it does not mean they are suicidal. For me, the process had started with experimentation and anger. I have always been slow to anger, and if I ever did get mad, I would far rather take it out on myself than someone else, at least then I know the extent of the damage being done.
My experimenting first started with heat and fire, which was too radical a shift, and it took longer, so I wanted to go with something that you could do without too much prepping. Secondly, I wanted a spark, something that was a nice, firm jolt. So I tried a knife.
Deciding where to cut was the next part, and just as before, there was a little bit of experimentation, but it all came down to logic more or less, I wanted the least amount of permanent damage, with as much sensation as possible. This narrowed the field a lot. In the end, I chose my palms and fingertips. Fingertips, primarily because of the massive amount of nerve endings in them.
You simply just take the knife, apply pressure, and a jolt runs into you. The pain was never unbearable, it was a kick down in the center of my spine, a firm reminder that I was alive, that what I felt was real.
It was a controlled method to vent anger, and just a reaffirming (to me) of my own humanity.
Whether or not this has enlightened anyone is up in the air, but I hope it's something you'll think about (not cutting yourself obviously, but think about the reasons behind why some people still do it).
I haven't done it in over four years, I found other ways to vent that kept my hands out of bandages for drawing.
