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Spankings…
15 years ago
While I haven't exactly stirred up a hornets nest with the subject, the current Ober Rivers storyline has received a number of comments. Specifically, comments related to the subject of whether or not spankings are an appropriate punishment for children.
The whole point of the current story is to illustrate not whether or not spankings are appropriate, but just how powerful the experience can be to a young child. The level of influence that traumas can have on a child's development is something I feel is VERY UNDERESTIMATED by the whole "spanking is good" crowd. I'm not suggesting that giving little Susie a quick swat on the backside the moment after you snatch her out of the path of an 18 wheeler is NOT a bad thing: You've established to her that she was in terrible danger, and you've reinforced that with a physical stimulus that gets her immediate attention. She will forever associate being in the road with a decidedly negative sensation.
This works up to a point. Right up to the point that the child's brain develops beyond the cry and poop phase, though, things change. Once reasoning kicks in, the whole spanking thing takes on a new dimension, and runs the danger of simply becoming violence. I've made a number of analogies about this whole thing to a few of my respondents, but I feel one of the last ones is the most appropriate in my mind…
Every time you walk up to your locked car, you are faced with a dilemma: Just how the Hell do I get inside that thing? Well, you could pick up a rock, and smash the window, thus gaining immediate and dramatic access- lots of noise, drama, car alarm wailing. Its all very exciting, and perhaps even makes you feel better on some level. You love your car, but you sure have had a shitty day at work, and the opportunity to vent certainly has positive effects.
But now you've got a fucking broken window, glass everywhere, and a car alarm that is going off. You could use the remote to turn it off, but that rock is laying right there at hand, so you begin bashing the shit out of the parts making the noise…
The other option, though it takes more time and thought on your part, is to reach into your pocket (or purse), take out the key, and open the fucking lock so you can get inside. No broken glass, no drama, no wailing car alarm. It may not be as satisfying, but having a window sure comes in handy when it rains.
The whole point of the current story is to illustrate not whether or not spankings are appropriate, but just how powerful the experience can be to a young child. The level of influence that traumas can have on a child's development is something I feel is VERY UNDERESTIMATED by the whole "spanking is good" crowd. I'm not suggesting that giving little Susie a quick swat on the backside the moment after you snatch her out of the path of an 18 wheeler is NOT a bad thing: You've established to her that she was in terrible danger, and you've reinforced that with a physical stimulus that gets her immediate attention. She will forever associate being in the road with a decidedly negative sensation.
This works up to a point. Right up to the point that the child's brain develops beyond the cry and poop phase, though, things change. Once reasoning kicks in, the whole spanking thing takes on a new dimension, and runs the danger of simply becoming violence. I've made a number of analogies about this whole thing to a few of my respondents, but I feel one of the last ones is the most appropriate in my mind…
Every time you walk up to your locked car, you are faced with a dilemma: Just how the Hell do I get inside that thing? Well, you could pick up a rock, and smash the window, thus gaining immediate and dramatic access- lots of noise, drama, car alarm wailing. Its all very exciting, and perhaps even makes you feel better on some level. You love your car, but you sure have had a shitty day at work, and the opportunity to vent certainly has positive effects.
But now you've got a fucking broken window, glass everywhere, and a car alarm that is going off. You could use the remote to turn it off, but that rock is laying right there at hand, so you begin bashing the shit out of the parts making the noise…
The other option, though it takes more time and thought on your part, is to reach into your pocket (or purse), take out the key, and open the fucking lock so you can get inside. No broken glass, no drama, no wailing car alarm. It may not be as satisfying, but having a window sure comes in handy when it rains.
I can only really recall three times when we got the wooden spoon, and all of which were deserving. It's never been a mar on me really... I had a truly wonderful childhood (maybe a lil too good- I think the reason I'm a cubfur is because I never really grew out of it in a way ^^;), in part that, when ever I was punished, I'd ask why and my parents would actually tell me why.
...what I did get a lot? The corner x.x and lack of cookies!
n.
A number of slaps on the buttocks delivered in rapid succession, as for punishment.
Can be used in succession with an implement..or using just the bare hand.
And as far as in the OP's storyline. I was spanked quite often as a child; some even barring on the level of abuse. Frankly i see no issue with it. As long as the bruises don't last for over a week that is.
I know it sounds harsh; But i know quite a few people. Very close friends, who were spanked daily, with various implements as a child; some even endured worse. And i have to say; those individuals have grown up to be some of the most mature people i know >_<.
Gotta say, nice Analogy. But you forgot the replacement of that one special factor. The car will never learn to automatically unlock itself. However a child(and even some adults), if beaten; Will definitely learn whats expected and act accordingly.
The difference between a spanking and non physical methods like the corner or shunning is that it carries a LOT of fucking BAGGAGE.
(Oh, and by the way, LOTS of cars unlock themselves when you approach nowadays- welcome to the world gone mad with engineering.)
Why the FUCK would someone need to be BEATEN DAILY! Yeah, THATS normal. I have to say- and mind you, this is only a little observation… If your having to beat your kids everyday, either you just like beating the crap out of something smaller than you, or you lack the basic reasoning skills necessary to raise a fucking child. If it doesn't work after the second or third time, don't you think its time to reevaluate?
My GOD, its like Sisyphus, rolling the fucking stone up the hill for all eternity, except its been replaced with a child's swollen ass! If the child keeps acting up after the first beating, do you really think beating them MORE is going to do ANYTHING?
If someone wants to try and beat this adult's ass, they are welcome to it… So long as they are comfortable with the fact that they will likely not remain "functional" adults afterward, if they're lucky enough to remain among the living at all.
Parents without the skills to deal with child behavior, and resort to violence often don't stop at spanking a toddler. The child gets bigger, and the hand becomes the leather belt, or a beat down with a pair of fists. (and to get personal, that's just the mild stuff)
She had to do that exactly ONCE to me when I started throwing a temper tantrum, and it worked like some kind of switch. It hurt like Hell, but when she let go, the pain was gone. The whole event took exactly 3 seconds. I wasn't exactly happy, but the idea that Mum was upset was far worse. I cried for a minute or two, and was shunned for that period of time. Five minutes later, everything was back to normal, and I had forgotten about what I had gotten upset about in the first place. I never did it again.
With the exception of the occasional houseplant set on fire, or accidentally broken window, we behaved. We were given freedom, love, and good food. I was never forced to eat anything I didn't want, but I was encouraged to try new things. I grew up in a wonderful time, in a wonderful neighborhood, with wonderful parents. It was the people we surrounded ourselves with that made it great. It wasn't perfect, but it was ours. We weren't rich- far from it. But I wouldn't have traded any of it away for anything.
I hope someday to rebuild that place. Recapture that feeling of community. The kind of place where people don't freak out when they see the neighbor kids climbing in the tree in their front yard. But its so hard today, with so many crazies out there, and people afraid to take care of themselves and each other.
It was like Mayberry, but far less boring. I miss it. No one opens their doors anymore…
I've seen the negatives of both. On one side of the perspective, children excessively violent because being practically abused as a child filled their heads with the notion that they can force anyone by hurting them, and force anything by destruction.
On the other side, little brats who believe that they can do anything without reprocutions, and blame anyone around them for any injury that comes to them, and that no one is allowed to correct them because that is a "no-no."
I am not a fan of the panacea of laws. They almost ALWAYS have the exact opposite effect that their authors propose. Child abuse laws do nothing to curb child abuse until its already done. And whats worse, is they are being used against well meaning parents. Parents should be free to spank their children if they have to! The problem comes along when spanking doesn't work anymore, or when its used in the wrong situations. Then it just becomes a crutch, or worse yet, an abuse mechanism.
But now, the child abuse laws as they exist today are they themselves being abused- by the children!
As I've said before: Kids are smart. They are FAR more intelligent than adults give them credit for. They only lack experience. And if they are privy to the fact that they CAN'T be spanked, they WILL take advantage of that. Children have to be TAUGHT not to be abusive to others, otherwise it becomes their default position. They will lie, cheat, steal, bully, smash, eat, mangle, torture, and generally go all "Lord of the Flies" on your ass if someone isn't there to guide them. Being able to give them a good swat when they have done something that warrants it is an important weapon in the parental arsenal.
Its one my parents never had to use.
I still really don't know how they made it so damn important to me to make sure they were happy! Maybe it was because they tried their best to keep ME happy. Not with toys, or excess affection, or mollycoddling, but I always KNEW that they loved me. There was never any question in my mind. Even when I was upset because we couldn't afford a toy, or when I couldn't do something I wanted to, though I would cry, I always had that feeling. The worst thing Mum could do was tell me she didn't want to look at me. I would crawl into a hole somewhere and pout for a while, but eventually, I would come out and everything could begin to return to normal.
Everything you say, everything you do as a parent gets recorded on that little hard drive up there. Be careful. Try not to screw them up. But don't let them become BRATS, either.
Just feel spanking should be a very very last resort. Can help with some but it never really helped with me. Just made my already bad temper when I was younger even worse (luckily I've gotten a better grip of it nowadays).
I got spanked my other people.