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Just posting this to vent...
15 years ago
Don't read if you don't want to..
It's now 3:10 AM and I just got done having a seriously bad mental break down. I don't know if it's just typical teenage stress or serious anxiety. I honestly can't tell the difference anymore...
It just started when I was listening to music while I was drawing a picture. I draw how I feel and normally it's more personified when I listen to music, but it doesn't get to me as bad as it did tonight. It wasn't even that depressing of a song...
I started drawing and as I was nearing the end of it, I decided to change songs. I ended up listening to Fall Out Boy's "The (After) Life of the Party". It was done but I wasn't done drawing. Instead of switching it to a different song, like I normally do, I played it again... and again... and again... and again.. until the drawing was completely finished.
Now as I was done drawing, the song was repeating it's first verse as it was starting the bridge. Then it hit me. I stared at my drawing and started to cry. It started out as a couple tears and a little whimpering.. but then it got worse. It kept escelating... I started to cry even more, the tears were practically streaming from my face. I had forgotten that I started the song over again. I didn't want it to stop. I cried harder and harder til I was in a frenzy.
I looked pathetic... Tears and mucus streamed from my face, I was pale, and I could barely breath I was gasping.
I dropped the picture and burried my face in my pillow. I screamed into it as loud as I could before my throat started hurting. Then I got up and kicked my side table over. I sat at the edge of my bed with my head in my hands, saying to myself "Why.. why can't it be real?". I've never reacted this much over a simple drawing.. I've done work that was much worse that should've effected me but never has. A simple picture like this... a simple kiss... and I completely lose it...
Again this was just so I could write it down and hopefully have a couple of my friends read it so they could help me out :(
I just needed to tell someone and vent this out. Again, you didn't have to read it if you didn't want to..
I'm going to try and get some sleep. I'll be uploading a pic or two tomorrow.. possibly the one that caused me to freak out. Good night everyone.
It's now 3:10 AM and I just got done having a seriously bad mental break down. I don't know if it's just typical teenage stress or serious anxiety. I honestly can't tell the difference anymore...
It just started when I was listening to music while I was drawing a picture. I draw how I feel and normally it's more personified when I listen to music, but it doesn't get to me as bad as it did tonight. It wasn't even that depressing of a song...
I started drawing and as I was nearing the end of it, I decided to change songs. I ended up listening to Fall Out Boy's "The (After) Life of the Party". It was done but I wasn't done drawing. Instead of switching it to a different song, like I normally do, I played it again... and again... and again... and again.. until the drawing was completely finished.
Now as I was done drawing, the song was repeating it's first verse as it was starting the bridge. Then it hit me. I stared at my drawing and started to cry. It started out as a couple tears and a little whimpering.. but then it got worse. It kept escelating... I started to cry even more, the tears were practically streaming from my face. I had forgotten that I started the song over again. I didn't want it to stop. I cried harder and harder til I was in a frenzy.
I looked pathetic... Tears and mucus streamed from my face, I was pale, and I could barely breath I was gasping.
I dropped the picture and burried my face in my pillow. I screamed into it as loud as I could before my throat started hurting. Then I got up and kicked my side table over. I sat at the edge of my bed with my head in my hands, saying to myself "Why.. why can't it be real?". I've never reacted this much over a simple drawing.. I've done work that was much worse that should've effected me but never has. A simple picture like this... a simple kiss... and I completely lose it...
Again this was just so I could write it down and hopefully have a couple of my friends read it so they could help me out :(
I just needed to tell someone and vent this out. Again, you didn't have to read it if you didn't want to..
I'm going to try and get some sleep. I'll be uploading a pic or two tomorrow.. possibly the one that caused me to freak out. Good night everyone.
Cheer up Girly, it'll be okay. <33
Sleep well!