My dad had a serious heart attack. I found this out just today. He's in critical care at the hospital so no visitors allowed. I'm not sure about what to feel anymore.

So my parents had sex and I came along. What does that mean? I'm a little emo more than anything. I'm not sure what to think anymore. I don't know how I feel about him. He wasn't such a horrible person. I do have a few good memories growing up but he had alot of anger issues. He yelled at me alot, he was manipulative, he was a little abusive. He had a stroke when I was 11 or 12 and he changed.. From my point of view, he became less of a bully. I guess facing death changes people.

So he had a heart attack. Lately he's been senile. The stroke screwed him up enough. I wonder how he is now? What do I feel when I see him? Do I even care enough about the guy to see him? Why the hell do I care? He barely spoken to me for the past 5 years. My homophobic uncle has been more of a father figure to me than he has. I dunno anymore. If he dies, he dies. I just want this over with.