Here I am again...not even knowing why I'm writing these. I spent a few hours with my friend Stephen, and had a decent time, playing Halo Reach, and let me borrow some of his Star Trek movies.

Well...he's gone...and things are just too damn quiet. What's worse is that I'm listening to the song Promise from the Silent Hill 2 soundtrack as I write this, which pretty much is a song that sums up my mood right now, in terms of how it sounds and such.

I can't stop looking at the members in a Steam group I'm in, many of them containing my old friends. I wish I could stop caring or stop looking, but I can't seem to help it.

Things are too quiet. I'm starting to feel like I'm going paranoid because of it... I feel like no matter what I do or say...I could scream all I want and it'd be like shouting into the void, just begging for a response, for someone to rush to my side and make this void not be empty anymore.

But there's nobody there. I'm alone. I could scream and scream and scream at the top of my lungs and nobody would hear me. I don't know what to do, I don't know who to turn to, where to go, why I should just keep walking this treadmill like I'm on life support.

I need help...I really...really need help...but I don't know who to trust anymore, let alone know where to look for help. I'm alone again...and there's not a damn thing I can do to make that fact go away. And not even Tyler's able to come save me from my torment now.

I'm alone...alone again, ignored again...suffering again...finding more and more ways to destroy my life intentionally or unintentionally.

I want a god damn way out...

-M.