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Movie characters (tropes/archetypes) I HATE
15 years ago
General
See my exposition/gallery website!
Info on prices and skillset there, as well as my best examples.
http://h1.ripway.com/ucnux/XuncuFla.....teV2/home.html
http://h1.ripway.com/ucnux/Flash%20.....uncu_flash.htm
Info on prices and skillset there, as well as my best examples.
http://h1.ripway.com/ucnux/XuncuFla.....teV2/home.html
http://h1.ripway.com/ucnux/Flash%20.....uncu_flash.htm
Genre: Zombie, Supernatural, Thriller
Offender: The Couple
Examples: Too many to list
Crime Against Cinema: Two people, sharing 1/4 of a whole brain. What usually happens is the boyfriend gets infected, everybody in the audience knows he's gonna die, everyone else in the Party knows it, but she's all "Ohhh, noooo, I love him, so everything's gunna be beautiful and glitter and sugar-rainbows foreeeverrrrrr!!" And then her pleas to spare his life comes and bites them all in the fucking ass. I swear, if there was a zombie outbreak, I'd warn them right away if they pull that trope, I'd consider killing them both.
Except that if it was a world where tropes and cliches ruled, it's also a trope if you threaten the (ham-fisted) purity/goodness symbolism character, it karmically bites you on the ass...
Which would prevent me from throwing the next entry into a wood chipper:
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Offender: Panda Girl
Examples: the little girl from War of the Worlds (the one with Tom Cruiz fighting Xenu)
Crime Against Cinema: Girl, because it tends to be a pre-pubescent female character, though it's rarely male, too. Panda, because the dumb little bint has no fucking self-preservation instincts. This is the little girl who's got some kind of OCD neruosis that always comes into play at the worst possible moment, cuz her comfort is oh so important, and it only actually is important because otherwise she stars screaming, and thus, would give the party's position away. She has no bearing, important, or overall effect on the plot save for showing that it's scary and dangerous, because she won't stop fucking screaming. God damnit, I hate that girl from WotW. Yes, we get it, you're moreso the symbol of the innocence lost in the crisis befalling the world, but guess what, it's LOST innocence, so you have no fucking place in this movie. Every minute you exist is screentime that could have beep spent on plot, or at least some more CGI.
Or her grown-up version:
Genrea: Horror, thriller
Offender: Scream Queen
Examples; Oh god damnit, I'm not couting all that
Crime Against LOGIC: You're in Creepy Fucking Trees National Park, and the symbolic-but-not-literal-rape-cuz-actual-sex-is-bad-and-even-worse-than-any-amount-of-blood-and-gore-so-thanks-midwest-soccer-moms-and-censors-and-"conservative-values"-blowhards crazed pyschopath is also about. Heaven forbid you keep your mouht shut, stay quiet, and stay low, or fucking turn around BEFORE the evil villan sneaks up behind you. Here's an idea! How about trying to, I dunno, fight, like your life depends on it? Like it actually does? Or runnign without making it so easy to trail you, that the monster-man and his plodding, heavy footfalls DON'T catch up? Maybe keep moving, heading for some open space so he can't sneak up on you?
Johnny Depp: Overrated.
Teenybopper Fan Girls, you are aware he's, like, fifty? You know, your dad's age? By the way, your parents do have sex, you know. In their bed. In the room near yours. While naked. Together. I'm looking at you, lolita/goth/Tim-Burton wankers.
A GOOD female character trope: The Mamma Bear.
"Get away from her, you BITCH!"
Fucking hardcore.
Male bad char trope: The sleazeball; the one who, before the disaster, was all about skeezy deals and being a self-abosrbed fucker. Thankfully; unlike, say, Panda Girl, he usually is killed in due time, so I'm not as pissed when that one shows up, because you know he's gonna die.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD CHIPPPPPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRARGHBGHL......
Friggin'... be USEFUL, Panda Girl! TRY to develop the plot; you CAN'T do character development for others when you have none of your own--- and don't make the movie into a fucking 150-minute escort mission!
===
TV Tropes, http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.p...../DamselScrappy : Twilight:
"•Bella Swan from Twilight pretty much epitomizes this trope, even commenting in her own narrative that "I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty.""
............ FUCKING THROW YOU INTO PAINFUL BAD THINGS. I'M TOO PISSED FOR WITTY DIALOGUE. I HAVE SEEN WHAT HAPPENS TO A HUMAN WHO GOES THROUGH A JET ENGINE TURBINE. SHE WILL BE A SLIGHLY THINNER CREAM-PASTE.
===
Hhgm... so the problem is that alot of the writers are male, so they can't write a good female character.... or something.
Except for Stephenie Meyer; you just fucking suck, you goddamned glitter-vamp whore.
Offender: The Couple
Examples: Too many to list
Crime Against Cinema: Two people, sharing 1/4 of a whole brain. What usually happens is the boyfriend gets infected, everybody in the audience knows he's gonna die, everyone else in the Party knows it, but she's all "Ohhh, noooo, I love him, so everything's gunna be beautiful and glitter and sugar-rainbows foreeeverrrrrr!!" And then her pleas to spare his life comes and bites them all in the fucking ass. I swear, if there was a zombie outbreak, I'd warn them right away if they pull that trope, I'd consider killing them both.
Except that if it was a world where tropes and cliches ruled, it's also a trope if you threaten the (ham-fisted) purity/goodness symbolism character, it karmically bites you on the ass...
Which would prevent me from throwing the next entry into a wood chipper:
Genre: Horror, Thriller
Offender: Panda Girl
Examples: the little girl from War of the Worlds (the one with Tom Cruiz fighting Xenu)
Crime Against Cinema: Girl, because it tends to be a pre-pubescent female character, though it's rarely male, too. Panda, because the dumb little bint has no fucking self-preservation instincts. This is the little girl who's got some kind of OCD neruosis that always comes into play at the worst possible moment, cuz her comfort is oh so important, and it only actually is important because otherwise she stars screaming, and thus, would give the party's position away. She has no bearing, important, or overall effect on the plot save for showing that it's scary and dangerous, because she won't stop fucking screaming. God damnit, I hate that girl from WotW. Yes, we get it, you're moreso the symbol of the innocence lost in the crisis befalling the world, but guess what, it's LOST innocence, so you have no fucking place in this movie. Every minute you exist is screentime that could have beep spent on plot, or at least some more CGI.
Or her grown-up version:
Genrea: Horror, thriller
Offender: Scream Queen
Examples; Oh god damnit, I'm not couting all that
Crime Against LOGIC: You're in Creepy Fucking Trees National Park, and the symbolic-but-not-literal-rape-cuz-actual-sex-is-bad-and-even-worse-than-any-amount-of-blood-and-gore-so-thanks-midwest-soccer-moms-and-censors-and-"conservative-values"-blowhards crazed pyschopath is also about. Heaven forbid you keep your mouht shut, stay quiet, and stay low, or fucking turn around BEFORE the evil villan sneaks up behind you. Here's an idea! How about trying to, I dunno, fight, like your life depends on it? Like it actually does? Or runnign without making it so easy to trail you, that the monster-man and his plodding, heavy footfalls DON'T catch up? Maybe keep moving, heading for some open space so he can't sneak up on you?
Johnny Depp: Overrated.
Teenybopper Fan Girls, you are aware he's, like, fifty? You know, your dad's age? By the way, your parents do have sex, you know. In their bed. In the room near yours. While naked. Together. I'm looking at you, lolita/goth/Tim-Burton wankers.
A GOOD female character trope: The Mamma Bear.
"Get away from her, you BITCH!"
Fucking hardcore.
Male bad char trope: The sleazeball; the one who, before the disaster, was all about skeezy deals and being a self-abosrbed fucker. Thankfully; unlike, say, Panda Girl, he usually is killed in due time, so I'm not as pissed when that one shows up, because you know he's gonna die.
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD CHIPPPPPERRRRRRRRRRRRRRARGHBGHL......
Friggin'... be USEFUL, Panda Girl! TRY to develop the plot; you CAN'T do character development for others when you have none of your own--- and don't make the movie into a fucking 150-minute escort mission!
===
TV Tropes, http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.p...../DamselScrappy : Twilight:
"•Bella Swan from Twilight pretty much epitomizes this trope, even commenting in her own narrative that "I guess my brain will never work right. At least I'm pretty.""
............ FUCKING THROW YOU INTO PAINFUL BAD THINGS. I'M TOO PISSED FOR WITTY DIALOGUE. I HAVE SEEN WHAT HAPPENS TO A HUMAN WHO GOES THROUGH A JET ENGINE TURBINE. SHE WILL BE A SLIGHLY THINNER CREAM-PASTE.
===
Hhgm... so the problem is that alot of the writers are male, so they can't write a good female character.... or something.
Except for Stephenie Meyer; you just fucking suck, you goddamned glitter-vamp whore.
But I agree on most fronts ^_^