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Stuck in a Rut
15 years ago
Feel free to ignore this journal. It's just me venting some of my feelings in the vain hope that it'll do me some good...
I just wanted to start by saying sorry to everyone, especially my commissioners and anyone who may have sent me messages that I haven't replied to yet.
I've run headlong into another creative rut, and as a result I've been feeling quite down for several days. It all started at the end of last week, when some news at work called into question the future of my job. I won't go into it, but big changes happening at my workplace in January are going to make things very difficult for me. Thoughts about the uncertain nature of my future have been going round and round my head ever since and seem to have killed all my creative energy. I'm trying to pull myself out of this funk, but it's not easy. It never is. And having a horribly uncertain future doesn't help.
I seem to have had a large number of creative ruts this past year or so. I don't know why. It's certainly more than I remember having in past years.
At times like this, I feel like a talentless, amateurish hack. That if I were a proper artist, I'd be able to get through these difficulties more easily. Maybe I am just a talentless amateurish hack. Maybe that's all I can ever hope to be.
Whether or not I actually am the worthless artist I sometimes suspect myself to be doesn't really matterin the end. I'm still feeling bad regardless. I do wonder if other artists feel this way from time to time, or is it just me? I have no idea. At the moment, it wouldn't surprise me if it turned out it was just something wrong with me...
I'm going to stop myself before I go any furtheralong that train of thought. Sorry to all who may have read this far for me subjecting you to my rambling. Here's hoping getting these feelings out actually helps...
I just wanted to start by saying sorry to everyone, especially my commissioners and anyone who may have sent me messages that I haven't replied to yet.
I've run headlong into another creative rut, and as a result I've been feeling quite down for several days. It all started at the end of last week, when some news at work called into question the future of my job. I won't go into it, but big changes happening at my workplace in January are going to make things very difficult for me. Thoughts about the uncertain nature of my future have been going round and round my head ever since and seem to have killed all my creative energy. I'm trying to pull myself out of this funk, but it's not easy. It never is. And having a horribly uncertain future doesn't help.
I seem to have had a large number of creative ruts this past year or so. I don't know why. It's certainly more than I remember having in past years.
At times like this, I feel like a talentless, amateurish hack. That if I were a proper artist, I'd be able to get through these difficulties more easily. Maybe I am just a talentless amateurish hack. Maybe that's all I can ever hope to be.
Whether or not I actually am the worthless artist I sometimes suspect myself to be doesn't really matterin the end. I'm still feeling bad regardless. I do wonder if other artists feel this way from time to time, or is it just me? I have no idea. At the moment, it wouldn't surprise me if it turned out it was just something wrong with me...
I'm going to stop myself before I go any furtheralong that train of thought. Sorry to all who may have read this far for me subjecting you to my rambling. Here's hoping getting these feelings out actually helps...
♪ Stuck in a rut by insanity ♫
Rest, clear you maind, take your timke ; But PLEASE don't leave us we'll wait
I'd not long come back from visiting my parents too, turns out one of my secondary School friends down there is dying of incurable Smoke Cancer + another guy I knew in my late teens kept smoking even though he had Diabeties and is now blind and deaf in one ear.. usually when I got back I'd get on a downer about my Birthday [39] but I didn't have the heart to
Its a bit corny, but it often helps to realise theres others worse off than yourself [Also couldn't you move in with CJ ? whats stopping you ?]
and as for the creativity rut, im not sure really...I really have to invent a creativity laxative for these blocks :P I suggest doing something you havent done before :O try something new! it may ignite that spark again ;)
and as for work, well everyone has these kinda problems nowadays, its best to learn and adapt, and if that isnt possable, find a new job, but keep your old one, Dont wanna burn any bridges now do we? ^.^ though fire is fun...*giggles maniacly as he holds up a deadly looking flamethrower*
and thats all the wisdom this silly sheppy can really give at the moment :P im much better in 1 on 1 situations :P
zeeme
It's normal and goes away but always comes back again
As for your personal life I an only wish you good luck. Many people are in the same boat
Continues fighting, for your fans
Also, you are not Worthless and you're not a ametuer artist. You are an amazing artist that's very creative and has many unique ideas that are quite fun to see. (To put mildly)
If anything, take your time and I hope things for ya go a lil better. Do take care, Cyber. And Best of luck.
Making something original takes a lot of energy and care, so, sometimes, you'll have periods of time when you need to rest, take a break, and recharge. Afterward, you'll come at whatever you do--not just your art--with a new perspective, ready to take the next step.
Don't beat yourself up about what a "professional" does or doesn't do. You are yourself and a creator of something new in the world. Whatever timing, process, or speed allows you to accomplish what you want in life is the right way for you.
all ya need is the right inspiration or urge to get going again. til then just take a small break for yourself, ya know? :) just what me and a few good friends do.
~Stevo