When I was a kid I used to marvel at those egg-shaped wonders I just couldn't afford in the shops, bursting with excitement as my mum would pick one off the shelf and buy it for me. She'd usually make me wait until we got home so I wouldn't lose anything and I'd itch and whine and bug her for it right up until I held it in my hand. the thin chocolate shell, although undeniably tasty, was the last thing going through my mind as I quickly popped open that awkward orb hidden inside and revealed which of the eight or nine toys I'd got.

Thus are the joys of a Kinder Egg.

Today I saw them on offer and just couldn't resist myself. the toys inside were apparently from a 'Dog Story' which further convinced me it would be good for old time's sake. Just like I used to when I was younger, I snapped the shell in half, only this time enjoying the taste considerably more as I pondered which of the dogs I'd been graced with in the pale yellow orb I now held in my hand.




I GOT A FUCKING MONKEY

THE MONKEY'S NOT EVEN ON THE FUCKING COLLECTIONS LIST ON THE BACK OF THE BOX




WHAT THE SHIT