Well I thought getting a job would help.... kinda funny thing happened... I seem to be happy while at work... anywhere else and I just dont know if I am happy or now... It seems to be taking its toll to. So far I have snapped at my boss, at the cop that showed up when someone took out the mailbox [yeah damn kids hit the mail box the other night] I flipped at my family, mom, dad, bro, been blocking out my friends, and I spend my time in my room. I have even found that I dont go on the computer as much any more. I just sit and watch a blank TV screen all day, letting my mind wonder.

I am just not sure what to think anymore... Tony, Clem, and Kaio all are trying to cheer me up [thanks guys] but in the end, I just feel this cold that presses down on me. Its kinda scary to have this feeling and not know what to do about it. everyone says I am fine. give it time. I'll be ok... and it just feels like right now. I wont ever be ok. like this strange wound wont ever heal ever.

Ladys and gents, I am not trying to scare anyone, I am not planning anything stupid... to many people counting on me to die, sides, with my current luck, I could get hit by a mack truck and live and have to deal with my boss flipping at me cause I am in the ER [he just fired someone because they were at the ER] Trust me. I am not going anywhere for a very long time...