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Sucky, but necessary....
15 years ago
To many of you who get this in your Watch lists, you won't really care about it (or may even be happy to read it, who knows?) To most of you who read this because I link you to it, it's gonna be kinda sucky news.
The short version is, I'm cutting my online RP'ing down to pretty much squat.
The long version is, I'm cutting my online RP'ing down to pretty much squat so that I can work on other projects more.
Here's the thing. Take a look at my FA Gallery. See how long it's been since I published anything? And that was something I wrote over three years ago.
I was starting to make some progress for a while, but then I made the mistake of finding F-List. Y'see, here's the problem. Like most creative folks, I have a hard time with little ideas popping up in the back of my brain and demanding attention NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW! F-List was a handy way for these little ideas to get attention, or at least some of them. I'd put up a profile, poke around for a few folks who were interested in playing with them, and then give the muses the attention they wanted.
The problem is that I also have a very difficult time telling people 'no.' It literally stems back to childhood issues that nobody wants to hear about, so I won't go into it - suffice it to say that, despite being pagan, I give the Catholics a run for their money in the "feeling guilty about every little thing" department. As a result... I've tended to take on more folks to RP with than I can handle. Turns out some folks really *like* the little monstrosities that pop out of my head, sometimes more than I do!
Flattering, but potentially dangerous.
Add to that the fact that I feel guilty at any but the most obviously joking pouting or protest when I say that I really don't have *time* to play, and things quickly start to get out of hand. As a result, I've really gotten virtually nothing done except in short spurts and bursts, and even that amounts to about half a page of writing (except for those bursts where I had the help of some of my particularly understanding RP partners who enjoyed co-writing the scenes.)
I'm quietly going nuts over here, on the productivity level. I've gotten to the point where I don't expect to get anything done except on vacations or weekends... and then my vacations and weekends get taken up by more RP's that I've been putting off through the week because I need some freakin' sleep and relaxation after work. My RL hobbies (few as they are) and podcast fill in what little time is left, pretty well overwhelming me.
So I'm running into an old philosophy of mine, which I've never really had problems with before, but that I have told others to use. "When your online RP's start to feel more like work than like fun... you're doing it wrong."
As a result, I'm paring back. Heavily. Basically, unless it's something I really, really want to do, I'm probably going to be saying 'no' to online RP's. This will not affect my online play-by-post games - they give me enough time around responses that I can keep working around them. IM RP's are the main thing that's gonna get nailed (and I'll avoid adding new PBP games.)
Now, a few of what I expect may be FAQ's about this....
"Don't you like me anymore?"
It's literally got nothing to do with who I do or don't like - that's why I'm doing this as a broad-based thing, at least part of the reason. Though, generally, I don't RP with people I don't like. Just sayin'.
"But this doesn't mean *our* RP, does it?"
Yes, yes it probably does. If it doesn't, I'll say so separately. More importantly... if it doesn't, it may after our next RP session, or until I come back to it. Just because I'm backing off on our RP, doesn't mean it'll never happen again. What it does mean is that it's going to be less likely, and only when my brain is really, really eager for whatever we're looking at. Short-term RP's are most likely during this, because then I don't have to worry about coming back to it in the future.
"So, what, you're just deleting your contact lists?"
No, I'm not. For one thing, I'm still game for things like... oh... chatting and socializing, without the expectation of RP?
For another thing, I do want to get back to assorted bits eventually... just under much more controlled quantities.
I really wish I didn't have to do this, but... well... I'm goin' nuts over here, and when I say things directly, it almost always ends in unintentional guilt trips that I have a hard time resisting, even though the people sending me on them aren't trying to. It's not your fault... it's my father's.
But that's a story for another time.
The short version is, I'm cutting my online RP'ing down to pretty much squat.
The long version is, I'm cutting my online RP'ing down to pretty much squat so that I can work on other projects more.
Here's the thing. Take a look at my FA Gallery. See how long it's been since I published anything? And that was something I wrote over three years ago.
I was starting to make some progress for a while, but then I made the mistake of finding F-List. Y'see, here's the problem. Like most creative folks, I have a hard time with little ideas popping up in the back of my brain and demanding attention NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW! F-List was a handy way for these little ideas to get attention, or at least some of them. I'd put up a profile, poke around for a few folks who were interested in playing with them, and then give the muses the attention they wanted.
The problem is that I also have a very difficult time telling people 'no.' It literally stems back to childhood issues that nobody wants to hear about, so I won't go into it - suffice it to say that, despite being pagan, I give the Catholics a run for their money in the "feeling guilty about every little thing" department. As a result... I've tended to take on more folks to RP with than I can handle. Turns out some folks really *like* the little monstrosities that pop out of my head, sometimes more than I do!
Flattering, but potentially dangerous.
Add to that the fact that I feel guilty at any but the most obviously joking pouting or protest when I say that I really don't have *time* to play, and things quickly start to get out of hand. As a result, I've really gotten virtually nothing done except in short spurts and bursts, and even that amounts to about half a page of writing (except for those bursts where I had the help of some of my particularly understanding RP partners who enjoyed co-writing the scenes.)
I'm quietly going nuts over here, on the productivity level. I've gotten to the point where I don't expect to get anything done except on vacations or weekends... and then my vacations and weekends get taken up by more RP's that I've been putting off through the week because I need some freakin' sleep and relaxation after work. My RL hobbies (few as they are) and podcast fill in what little time is left, pretty well overwhelming me.
So I'm running into an old philosophy of mine, which I've never really had problems with before, but that I have told others to use. "When your online RP's start to feel more like work than like fun... you're doing it wrong."
As a result, I'm paring back. Heavily. Basically, unless it's something I really, really want to do, I'm probably going to be saying 'no' to online RP's. This will not affect my online play-by-post games - they give me enough time around responses that I can keep working around them. IM RP's are the main thing that's gonna get nailed (and I'll avoid adding new PBP games.)
Now, a few of what I expect may be FAQ's about this....
"Don't you like me anymore?"
It's literally got nothing to do with who I do or don't like - that's why I'm doing this as a broad-based thing, at least part of the reason. Though, generally, I don't RP with people I don't like. Just sayin'.
"But this doesn't mean *our* RP, does it?"
Yes, yes it probably does. If it doesn't, I'll say so separately. More importantly... if it doesn't, it may after our next RP session, or until I come back to it. Just because I'm backing off on our RP, doesn't mean it'll never happen again. What it does mean is that it's going to be less likely, and only when my brain is really, really eager for whatever we're looking at. Short-term RP's are most likely during this, because then I don't have to worry about coming back to it in the future.
"So, what, you're just deleting your contact lists?"
No, I'm not. For one thing, I'm still game for things like... oh... chatting and socializing, without the expectation of RP?
For another thing, I do want to get back to assorted bits eventually... just under much more controlled quantities.
I really wish I didn't have to do this, but... well... I'm goin' nuts over here, and when I say things directly, it almost always ends in unintentional guilt trips that I have a hard time resisting, even though the people sending me on them aren't trying to. It's not your fault... it's my father's.
But that's a story for another time.
I'm certain there's a way to balance that, but damned if I've ever been able to find it.
I rarely show up in any chat format, even though there are friends that I'd love to talk to who know me well enough to grok that social time does not equal play time. I've tried making alternate characters who I'd only use when I was feeling playful, but that never really works out well, and the obligation cycles just keep happening.
Its not just you that feels like this, is all I'm saying... I just wish I knew how to not feel this way beyond the isolation routines that I play... which, for the record, stink sometimes.
Fortunately, I do have some receptive audiences outside of the RP.
And, for the record, anybody who wants to help with co-writing gets to the top of my list of people I'll still RP with. ^^() I've got lots of projects to work on, and sometimes it helps to have somebody play the victim in the horror stories....