I'm falling apart, I'm at wits end. I really don't know what to do anymore.

They say happiness is the strongest and most felt emotion a person has.
Really?

Because if that is true, then I must not be a person. I must be a thing.

I haven't felt happiness in almost a year now. Every day is a struggle just to keep going, to keep my head held high. I try to focus on what I have, and what the future may hold for me but no matter how I try, I somehow manage to keep the same thought in my head. Every time I feel happy about something, right away this thought pops into my head, "You may be happy now but you already know something is going to take this bittersweet happiness from you."

Is it my own thoughts? Or is something trying to control me? I really don't know. I wish I could just find happiness and make all this pain, regret, sadness go away. Even now as I write this I'm crying.