FA+
Shop
Be careful...it's a long one......well that sounded dirty.
15 years ago
*wags* Heya! *looks down* WORDS!! *pounces*
Wow...
Just wow...
So many days, minutes, hours, months, since I've been active on this site.
I don't know what it is really...whether it be my work, or dancing, I just don't have the drive to be as "furry" as I used to be. Hell, I don't even know if I could call myself a furry anymore. Perhaps I'm just getting to the point that I'm tired of things defining me...like if I'm a furry, that's all I can be. Or that I'm a furry first and everything else later.
It just sucks not being able to be partly something in this type of community...because I'm not so much a fan of the art as I am a fan of just the people. Because, let's face it, this is the one community that you can be your absolute self and people wouldn't think twice about it. I mean, sure, there are a lot of creepers out there regardless, but in general, everyone just accepts each others quirks. I mean, being weird is being normal in the fandom.
I don't know if I've told any of the furs that live around me this, but I hate that I haven't really seen them that often...besides the occasional party I'll go to. But it's not like how it was during the summer, when I'd be hanging out with them 3-4 times a week basically.
Maybe I'm ashamed of not being as into the fandom as I was...it's just kinda falling apart right out from under me. Not only do I have to focus a lot more on my work/dancing to make up for not going to school anymore, but also I have to deal with a emotionally stunted and irresponsible sister as my roommate. Who doesn't have a job anymore. And you can kinda figure where I'm going with that.
I just look at all my posts, comments, and art from before and I think to myself, "What the hell happened to you? You used to be so...nice, carefree, fun, and just goofy." I wish I could say that the husky everyone knew, and hopefully loved, is still inside of me somewhere...but I just can't find him. I'm turning back into my highschool self I think....which is NOT a good thing. I'm just finding myself more and more...just...pissed at everything. For instance, when someone complains...I just get angry at them. Or when someone asks a question that I feel is asked because of a lack of common sense, I just want to scream at them. My patience with people in general is wearing so thin that I think I'm going to go insane from my own skeptical thoughts.
And what's worse, I don't know how to fix it all. I don't know what will make me go back to my old self. I wish it were as simple as me just finding someone to be with, or just finding someone to talk to who won't suggest that I do anything, and who would just listen to me vamp. Because, to be frank, I would like it if no one ever gave me advice on anything ever again. Because all it does is piss me off, because no one understands my reasonings behind things, so they just try to get me to do what they advise me to do. And believe me, if so many people hadn't of told me to keep going to school for all the wrong reasons, I probably would've kept going. No one told me to just do it, they just kept saying, "Oh you'll want the degree later," or, "It's always good to have a backup," or even, "You'll meet the people who'll get you jobs."
I only have 2 words for those: Fuck. That. I don't need to go to college for anything. I take 3 years to get the experience teaching dance and getting good at it, and I could basically go to any studio in the country and get a job there. And I could care less about having a 6 figure salary. About a month ago, after it was too late to resume going to classes (as I was already far behind to begin with), I thought to myself..."I might as well go to school, though it won't necessarily help me? It couldn't hurt to do it." Sadly, I couldn't come up with that thought before I stopped going. Though, I'm over the whole school thing. It's really not all that important to me. What's important to me is my job, and my art (dance), and of course my friends and my family. Though my family may just be my sister when my parents find out I'm not going to school anymore. Since that's all they ever wanted out of me.
I've told people about my past, but never really told people about how I'm doing now in depth. But yeah, my parents basically said they didn't care what I did as long as I graduated. Which basically tells me they only want me to graduate so that they don't look bad. And that I could be a failure after I graduated, because then they couldn't be blamed for it. Now, I know that might not be what they meant...but it's how I feel. And now, I have the chance to be someone great, someone that's....well...someone. And all I'll get is ridicule from them...for following my dream.
I suppose I shouldn't care...but...I don't know. I'm trying not to get all worked up about it. I'm already trying to smooth out the bumps in my life as it is, I really don't want to add a hill to the mix...if that analogy made sense...if not...then..well...bite me. ;3
As always, thanks for reading...those of you who did. And to all the skimmers out there...thanks for the effort.
Just wow...
So many days, minutes, hours, months, since I've been active on this site.
I don't know what it is really...whether it be my work, or dancing, I just don't have the drive to be as "furry" as I used to be. Hell, I don't even know if I could call myself a furry anymore. Perhaps I'm just getting to the point that I'm tired of things defining me...like if I'm a furry, that's all I can be. Or that I'm a furry first and everything else later.
It just sucks not being able to be partly something in this type of community...because I'm not so much a fan of the art as I am a fan of just the people. Because, let's face it, this is the one community that you can be your absolute self and people wouldn't think twice about it. I mean, sure, there are a lot of creepers out there regardless, but in general, everyone just accepts each others quirks. I mean, being weird is being normal in the fandom.
I don't know if I've told any of the furs that live around me this, but I hate that I haven't really seen them that often...besides the occasional party I'll go to. But it's not like how it was during the summer, when I'd be hanging out with them 3-4 times a week basically.
Maybe I'm ashamed of not being as into the fandom as I was...it's just kinda falling apart right out from under me. Not only do I have to focus a lot more on my work/dancing to make up for not going to school anymore, but also I have to deal with a emotionally stunted and irresponsible sister as my roommate. Who doesn't have a job anymore. And you can kinda figure where I'm going with that.
I just look at all my posts, comments, and art from before and I think to myself, "What the hell happened to you? You used to be so...nice, carefree, fun, and just goofy." I wish I could say that the husky everyone knew, and hopefully loved, is still inside of me somewhere...but I just can't find him. I'm turning back into my highschool self I think....which is NOT a good thing. I'm just finding myself more and more...just...pissed at everything. For instance, when someone complains...I just get angry at them. Or when someone asks a question that I feel is asked because of a lack of common sense, I just want to scream at them. My patience with people in general is wearing so thin that I think I'm going to go insane from my own skeptical thoughts.
And what's worse, I don't know how to fix it all. I don't know what will make me go back to my old self. I wish it were as simple as me just finding someone to be with, or just finding someone to talk to who won't suggest that I do anything, and who would just listen to me vamp. Because, to be frank, I would like it if no one ever gave me advice on anything ever again. Because all it does is piss me off, because no one understands my reasonings behind things, so they just try to get me to do what they advise me to do. And believe me, if so many people hadn't of told me to keep going to school for all the wrong reasons, I probably would've kept going. No one told me to just do it, they just kept saying, "Oh you'll want the degree later," or, "It's always good to have a backup," or even, "You'll meet the people who'll get you jobs."
I only have 2 words for those: Fuck. That. I don't need to go to college for anything. I take 3 years to get the experience teaching dance and getting good at it, and I could basically go to any studio in the country and get a job there. And I could care less about having a 6 figure salary. About a month ago, after it was too late to resume going to classes (as I was already far behind to begin with), I thought to myself..."I might as well go to school, though it won't necessarily help me? It couldn't hurt to do it." Sadly, I couldn't come up with that thought before I stopped going. Though, I'm over the whole school thing. It's really not all that important to me. What's important to me is my job, and my art (dance), and of course my friends and my family. Though my family may just be my sister when my parents find out I'm not going to school anymore. Since that's all they ever wanted out of me.
I've told people about my past, but never really told people about how I'm doing now in depth. But yeah, my parents basically said they didn't care what I did as long as I graduated. Which basically tells me they only want me to graduate so that they don't look bad. And that I could be a failure after I graduated, because then they couldn't be blamed for it. Now, I know that might not be what they meant...but it's how I feel. And now, I have the chance to be someone great, someone that's....well...someone. And all I'll get is ridicule from them...for following my dream.
I suppose I shouldn't care...but...I don't know. I'm trying not to get all worked up about it. I'm already trying to smooth out the bumps in my life as it is, I really don't want to add a hill to the mix...if that analogy made sense...if not...then..well...bite me. ;3
As always, thanks for reading...those of you who did. And to all the skimmers out there...thanks for the effort.
I can sympathize with you completely, at least on some of your points.
My mother constantly harps on the fact that I don't have any "plans" for life. Her ideal is that unless you go to school, and get some type of degree, you're worthless to society. Some of the most wealthy people didn't start off in college.
It's as if people, especially your parents, get old and forget how they were at your age. They expect you to jump from a 20 year-old mentality to a 40 year-old mentality without any of the experience required for it. Believe me, I know you feel like your parents will be ashamed if you don't finish school; and while that may be an underlying feeling, it's not the main reason. Unless you're one of the rare, rare exceptions where parents truly don't love their child, it's because they just want the best for you. In that respect, they think that going to school is what's best for you. It may or may not be, who knows! I think a lot of parents forget that what was best for them isn't always going to be the best for their child.
Now, as far as your plans go for the dancing and whatnot, I say go for it man! I've seen your videos - I think you've got some real potential there. Finding a job you truly enjoy first starts at finding something you're truly good at. I think that dancing may be your calling. And, hey, even if it isn't, that's just one more opportunity!
I hope this helps buddy. I really can't offer anything else. It's not my place to try to tell you how to live your life based on what I think because it's -not- my life. :) I think we'd be better off if more people realized that.
Also, I want to get back to work on our website, and that could be something you could easily get involved in. :3