Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
Cowboys like to eat with their hats on.
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I ran in to Bill the other day and he clearly looked very distraught. I asked him what was wrong.
Bill said, "As you know, I am looking for employment.
I found an ad in the paper for a part in local dinner theater, Shakespeare' s Romeo and Juliet.
I went and tried out for the part of Romeo. However, I failed my audition through a misunderstanding over a simple stage direction.
My copy of the script clearly said, "Enter Juliet from the rear."
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There was a young fool name of Raines,
To get laid, he'd go to great pains,
Never a genius,
He thought with his penis,
But his prick was as dumb as his brains.
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Wendy meets Tammy for lunch. "You're looking very tired today, Tammy. Did you have a late night?"
"Yes," replies Tammy, "but it was all very strange. While doing some gardening yesterday, I found a lamp, so I rubbed it and out popped a genie.
He gave me a choice of two wishes."
"Wow," says Wendy, "so what were the choices he gave you, Tammy?"
"He said he could either give me an excellent, sharp, 100% memory or else he could give my boyfriend a bigger penis."
"So tell me already, Tammy, what did you choose?"
"I can't remember," replies Tammy.
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Mrs. Grednick, who was a little on the chubby side, was at her weight-watchers meeting.
"My husband insists I come to these meetings because he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure," she lamented to the woman next
to her.
"Well," the lady replied, "what's wrong with that? You'll feel better, too."
"You don't understand. He likes to do it while I'm stuck at these damn meetings."
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Q. Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?
A. He decided to stick it out for one more year.
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Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am
I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"
The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray
to God about that and ask him."
So that night he did and God replied, "You are what you
are." The next day he said to the other zebra, "I still
don't understand what I am because God just said,
'You are what you are.'"
The second zebra responds, "You must be white with black
stripes or else God would have said, 'You is what you is.'"
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Little Johnny was taking confession, and he told the priest
that he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this
a sin, Father?" he asked.
The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Little Johnny, indeed, it
is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have."
Q. How can you tell when a pig is in heat?
A. She buys the first two rounds!

---

THE PUNS
Men screw with dicks; women screw with minds.
The really cool thing about dating bisexuals is that if you ever had a
sex change operation, they'd probably still want to date you.
It looked like the car was stranded on a lonely road, so the farmer
pulled up along side and asked, "What's the matter? Out of gas?" "No,"
came the answer from the guy inside. "Engine trouble?" "No." "Tire
down?" "No, didn't have to."
If Jack helped you off a horse, would you help jack off a horse?
According to "Nature Biotechnology, " scientists have implanted human
DNA into female goats. But is that really new? Lonely farmers have
been doing that for years.
Hey, did you hear about this Latina gal who was also-called Expert at
oral sex? Men all over the Rio Grande referred to her as, "the Gulp of
Mexico!"
I was talking to a friend of mine, and he told me that he's been
married a little over four years. He told me he was celebrating his
"Wooden" anniversary. I asked what a "wooden" anniversary was. He
said, "I asked her to give me a blow job and she wooden."
What do you call a guy who never farts in public?
A private tutor.
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time.
What is 77?
Just like 69, but you get 8 more!
OTHER HUMOR
Taxidermist: A man who mounts animals.
Menstruation: Dad told me many MEN-STRAY-SON when that time of the
month rolls around. (Ken Pinkham)
Confucius Says... "Rape is impossible. Woman run faster with skirt up,
than Man with pants down."
Hanging wallpaper is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover
her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light
your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.