Dear journal...

i saw him today... it's been a while since i had spent any time with him... it was scary at first because i thought what if i couldn't hold it in anymore and just break down in front of him... or what if things felt like they did way back when...

i didn't cry... but he saw me let my guard down a few times... i was trying not to let him see it... trying to make him think that everything was okay...

i asked him to go with me to a movie... and we went to the mall and stumbled into a few of our friends, which was nice, but honestly i think he got sucked into it more then i did. it was great to see my two other friends but for some reason things just felt a little off...

i think it's me. he asked me what was wrong... because i guess i had this look of pain on my face, being my defensive self i instinctively said "nothing"... how can i tell him that i feel nothing... i feel empty... i know what we once had, and how i used to feel but something has happened to me... something i cant explain... i don't feel love, i don't feel friendship... i don't feel compassion... more then anything i feel sad because i don't feel the same as i did before...

stupid right? i think so.

anyways... i cant even remember why i was writing this... it's not like he's going to read it or even let me know how he feels about it if he does.

night everyone sorry for wasting your time.