I don't want to get out of practice coz' that really fucks me up in the long run. I don't know what it is but I forget things easily when I draw. Somedays I will feel like the king of the world and I can just draw away! Sometimes these kicks last longer than a day or two and it really feels great when you are in that mindset.

Then another day comes, but for some reason you don't "have it" anymore. Anatomy melts away, you keep on slipping back into earlier styles you don't really want to visit often. This is when the self-doubt drips in and you start to think pessimistic thoughts. You start to break your style down inwardly,

"Do I even have a style? I wonder who or what influenced my art to make it appear the way it does now. I'm so unoriginal. I bet if I searched the net enough I'm sure I would to find someone else that ALREADY has been doing what I do."

I'm honestly one of those "what if" people. I constantly ask myself and others, "What if?" I think that a big majority of my life is and has been spent in a Dreamworld. Sometimes I faze out and see these images in my head if creatures dancing to music or running about. They are clear to me but also vague enough that I couldn't verbally explain it to anyone without striking up a one man monologue.

Whatever, I guess what I am saying is that I need to be more avid with my drawing again. I feel like a train is coming and I need to catch it for as long as I can. I don't know if SCAD will accept me at this point. I am hopeful but I still I need to backup plan.

What if?

Zabth~