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Common Denominator
15 years ago
General
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the last day or so, after having a massive stress/anxiety breakdown yesterday (for which I apologize. I always seem to get in this state at the beginning of December due to an onslaught of various factors). I've been breaking down all the issues I feel I have, and as I broke them down to cause after cause after cause, each issue kept arriving at the same basic cause of problem.
Why am I stressed? Because I'm worried about what I don't know for the tests, or about whether the next day of work is going to be awful. Why do I have such bad social anxiety? I feel like I'm a terrible conversationalist, that I have no interesting stories to tell, that I might do something that will make people not like me. Why am I afraid of failure so much? Because I think I'll look like an idiot if it happens.
I found that all of these things have a common theme, when broken down enough. I obviously have a tendency to dwell on the negative and have a pessimistic outlook on things. They fester inside of me and, more than likely, cause me all of the problems, physical, mental, and emotional, that I have.
This got me thinking. Do I really have no interesting stories to tell? If I don't, why can't I make some? Why should I focus on what I don't know when what I do know is probably far greater? Perhaps the next day of work won't be awful, but fantastic. Maybe I'm being to calculating when talking, too worried about walking on eggshells to really *be* good at it. Maybe that failure is really just an opportunity to expand on what I know (and hey, it might even make a good story for later).
Granted, I'm still looking into the option of getting a therapist or something, because in all honesty, it probably is a good idea. Still, I'm making the resolution to quit being such a god damn Debbie downer and look at what makes life good. This'll probably do me more good than any amount of whining or medication would.
(Also, seriously thanks to everyone who offered a helping hand, and to all my friends. You guys really don't know how much you all mean to me.)
Why am I stressed? Because I'm worried about what I don't know for the tests, or about whether the next day of work is going to be awful. Why do I have such bad social anxiety? I feel like I'm a terrible conversationalist, that I have no interesting stories to tell, that I might do something that will make people not like me. Why am I afraid of failure so much? Because I think I'll look like an idiot if it happens.
I found that all of these things have a common theme, when broken down enough. I obviously have a tendency to dwell on the negative and have a pessimistic outlook on things. They fester inside of me and, more than likely, cause me all of the problems, physical, mental, and emotional, that I have.
This got me thinking. Do I really have no interesting stories to tell? If I don't, why can't I make some? Why should I focus on what I don't know when what I do know is probably far greater? Perhaps the next day of work won't be awful, but fantastic. Maybe I'm being to calculating when talking, too worried about walking on eggshells to really *be* good at it. Maybe that failure is really just an opportunity to expand on what I know (and hey, it might even make a good story for later).
Granted, I'm still looking into the option of getting a therapist or something, because in all honesty, it probably is a good idea. Still, I'm making the resolution to quit being such a god damn Debbie downer and look at what makes life good. This'll probably do me more good than any amount of whining or medication would.
(Also, seriously thanks to everyone who offered a helping hand, and to all my friends. You guys really don't know how much you all mean to me.)
I wish you luck dealing with your anxieties. Know that I'll help if you need me.
Also, on the thought of interesting stories... you're a writer dude! Interesting stories are our bread and butter. lol.
If you need a friendly ear, you know where to find me man. :)