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'tis the season
15 years ago
Oh noes, an opinione! When everything hits you.
This time last year I had two wonderful people that made me happy.
Now I have neither and the holidays only drive that home harder and harder.
Grandad loved Christmas. He loved to sing songs wrong and make us correct him whenever we were in the car. He'd sing "I'm dreaming of a white christmas". He'd get us all excited about Father Christmas and snow and a hundred other little things.
And he's gone now. I can still hear him singing but it's not real. He's not at home. He's not anywhere.
I had my third tooth out early today and as I was sedated a bit still (I metabolise it rather quickly but still felt a touch odd) I napped. For eight hours.
Woke up after a dream about Grandad and felt miserable.
I want it to snow, even though I hate being cold, I want it to snow so much because then everything feels like Christmas and I can pretend that I'm little and everything is fine again.
As an aside to karma, I don't know what it was I did but I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
So yeah. General update is nothing new. I'm miserable, the couple of things I enjoy in life are apparently Not Allowed, and everywhere I go Grandad is there but not and it hurts.
Hope everyone else is having a good time of it.
This time last year I had two wonderful people that made me happy.
Now I have neither and the holidays only drive that home harder and harder.
Grandad loved Christmas. He loved to sing songs wrong and make us correct him whenever we were in the car. He'd sing "I'm dreaming of a white christmas". He'd get us all excited about Father Christmas and snow and a hundred other little things.
And he's gone now. I can still hear him singing but it's not real. He's not at home. He's not anywhere.
I had my third tooth out early today and as I was sedated a bit still (I metabolise it rather quickly but still felt a touch odd) I napped. For eight hours.
Woke up after a dream about Grandad and felt miserable.
I want it to snow, even though I hate being cold, I want it to snow so much because then everything feels like Christmas and I can pretend that I'm little and everything is fine again.
As an aside to karma, I don't know what it was I did but I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.
So yeah. General update is nothing new. I'm miserable, the couple of things I enjoy in life are apparently Not Allowed, and everywhere I go Grandad is there but not and it hurts.
Hope everyone else is having a good time of it.
I'm sorry about your granddad, I was the same way when my grandma passed a few years ago. Try to think of the memories as a comfort of the time you had rather than something that was taken from you. It will heal with time.