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About Me.
18 years ago
I am trying to understand aspects of my life a little better, so in order to better accomplish this I'M DUMPING ALL MY BULLSHIT HERE! :} You don't have to read any of this. I use this place simply because I loathe DA and livejournal and people have been honest with me here. If say things that don't make sense or sound whiney.. that's how I roll I guess. Sorry <3 Oh yeah, but I don't say "that's how I roll." I would more likely say "that's how I am."
My smoking habits. "Cigarette-wise"
Where should I start? I'm a smoker and I don't "really" want to quit but i know it's terrible for me. I smoke just about everyday and unfortunately I am about to be a pack-a-day smoker if I don't control myself better. I've been smoking for three years now. I originally started off on Djarum Specials, then I moved to Djarum Blacks pretty quickly. I smoked Blacks almost a full two years then I went a long time without them and couldn't stand the taste afterwards. I took to menthal cigarettes afterwards.. and they smoke faster than cloves, so I go through a lot more of these. I really should at least attempt to quit again. They have really become a Linus-blanket for me when I try to go out in public.
Social Life?
I say weird things IRL that make people go O_o Huh? Reguardless I'm a likeable person, and I feel like I can reach most people when I hang with them. I do tend to be a doormat at times but it's not as noticeable as my weird-assedness I guess. I like to have "remember when" and "what if" conversations with people. Those are very open and abstract sometimes. People laugh with me a lot. My close friends love me and I love them back. Despite all of this I have become a semi-introvert over the years. Sometimes I feel nervous in public and I get uncomfortable when people look at me or address me. When I feel comfortable in someone's presence that's one thing.. A lot of my deepest conversations I have are with fellow smokers outside where it's quiet. I know I have low self-esteem. That is a big part of my social anxiety. I'm really try to work on this. It even extends to the internet a little. Yeah I'm not looking you in the eyes when I'm talking with you but I do worry about your JUDGEMENT sometimes.
Gender and sexuality
As much as I would love to rip off my breasts and have a flat chest, I can't. I was born a girl and I very much live as one.. though I would wager that I can be just as disgusting as any guy could, ask my girlfriend. Why she puts up with me I still don't know. I'm such a tomboy. I just don't really like being labelled as one or the other sometimes. I used to have a fursona that was male.. I was really comfortable with it for a long time, then people where like, "YOU'RE REALLY A GIRL??" Yes, I'm a lesbian because I have a vagina and only have sex with vaginas. I love girls, I think they are beautiful works of art. I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel masculine though! A lot of the time. I still confuse people IRL and online. Part of being an artist, to me, means I can still appreciate that a penis does exist. If someone makes a pretty image that just happens to have a boner, fuck yeah I'm gonna compliment it! My issues with my gender were much worse off in my middle to later teens. I feel awkward about this subject because it's hard to explain to some of my other friends. I have heard things like, "Why would you deny being a woman? A woman's body is sacred, I don't understand those girls that want to cut their tits off and BE THE MAN. Why have roles?" I'm ending this one now. Whatever, yeah, I'm a girl..
Blegh this is taking longer than I thought. Maybe I should just do one of those
Age
Weight
Gender
Likes/Dislikes
thingies. Yeah that would prolly make more sense. Meh, I really don't care. I gotta clean my house *_*
Zabeth~
My smoking habits. "Cigarette-wise"
Where should I start? I'm a smoker and I don't "really" want to quit but i know it's terrible for me. I smoke just about everyday and unfortunately I am about to be a pack-a-day smoker if I don't control myself better. I've been smoking for three years now. I originally started off on Djarum Specials, then I moved to Djarum Blacks pretty quickly. I smoked Blacks almost a full two years then I went a long time without them and couldn't stand the taste afterwards. I took to menthal cigarettes afterwards.. and they smoke faster than cloves, so I go through a lot more of these. I really should at least attempt to quit again. They have really become a Linus-blanket for me when I try to go out in public.
Social Life?
I say weird things IRL that make people go O_o Huh? Reguardless I'm a likeable person, and I feel like I can reach most people when I hang with them. I do tend to be a doormat at times but it's not as noticeable as my weird-assedness I guess. I like to have "remember when" and "what if" conversations with people. Those are very open and abstract sometimes. People laugh with me a lot. My close friends love me and I love them back. Despite all of this I have become a semi-introvert over the years. Sometimes I feel nervous in public and I get uncomfortable when people look at me or address me. When I feel comfortable in someone's presence that's one thing.. A lot of my deepest conversations I have are with fellow smokers outside where it's quiet. I know I have low self-esteem. That is a big part of my social anxiety. I'm really try to work on this. It even extends to the internet a little. Yeah I'm not looking you in the eyes when I'm talking with you but I do worry about your JUDGEMENT sometimes.
Gender and sexuality
As much as I would love to rip off my breasts and have a flat chest, I can't. I was born a girl and I very much live as one.. though I would wager that I can be just as disgusting as any guy could, ask my girlfriend. Why she puts up with me I still don't know. I'm such a tomboy. I just don't really like being labelled as one or the other sometimes. I used to have a fursona that was male.. I was really comfortable with it for a long time, then people where like, "YOU'RE REALLY A GIRL??" Yes, I'm a lesbian because I have a vagina and only have sex with vaginas. I love girls, I think they are beautiful works of art. I wouldn't have it any other way. I feel masculine though! A lot of the time. I still confuse people IRL and online. Part of being an artist, to me, means I can still appreciate that a penis does exist. If someone makes a pretty image that just happens to have a boner, fuck yeah I'm gonna compliment it! My issues with my gender were much worse off in my middle to later teens. I feel awkward about this subject because it's hard to explain to some of my other friends. I have heard things like, "Why would you deny being a woman? A woman's body is sacred, I don't understand those girls that want to cut their tits off and BE THE MAN. Why have roles?" I'm ending this one now. Whatever, yeah, I'm a girl..
Blegh this is taking longer than I thought. Maybe I should just do one of those
Age
Weight
Gender
Likes/Dislikes
thingies. Yeah that would prolly make more sense. Meh, I really don't care. I gotta clean my house *_*
Zabeth~
Either way you are lovely in your ways no matter what anyone cares to say. I'm bi with both a gf and a bf and I get some pretty nasty looks in public.
So your transsexual or just lesbian accepting your ladyhood? Because you shouldn't give a shit about what other people say about your body. because it's exactly that, YOUR body.
Either way I should shut up about personal issues like this, advice on such things usually get me in deep doodoo.
Next thing I know she goes out and has sex with my ex girlfriend and starts dating my best guyfriend.
Nice girl. . .
oh well, things have sorted themselves out by now and I'm happily occupied. What about you? How long have you two been going out?
But yeah, I was confused on your gender HAHA. I usually label most people as guys, unless they draw wicked girly art or something. Oh well.
I'm not confused on my sexuality- I know I love both genders equally- but I like the boyish chicks and the girly guys. I know I'd just be flat out gay if I never met Rob c__c; Most guys are like.. dumb and ugly. Except some of the geeks lol @w@
I dislike my breasts. They're too big and my back hurts. I'd get a breast reduction, but I don't want them touching me and sticking their hands under my skin- that's kinda gross D:
Oh well. Everyone has their flaws. c_c;
I've been a smoker i high school and shortly after, but I quit after awhile. It started on menthol cigs and discovered Djarums at some point. Man, I sure miss those. Now I just smoke pot every so often with friends. I've really cut back on that too. It's too damn expensive.
Once you enter SCAD, you'll be more isolated from the douch baggery that exists in the 'normal' public at large. You'll get way fewer people questioning your gender role/orientation, all that personal periphery gets a little more respect in an environment like that.