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Rakuen reviews: The Human Centipede
15 years ago
General
So I went into this movie knowing it was supposed to be all disgusting and stuff but decided it would be okay. The idea holds some weird merit and could be kinda cool, though certainly not for everyone. Plot spoiler ahead. The Human Centipede is a horror movie about a German surgeon who kidnaps a bunch of tourists and then surgical joins three of them, mouth to anus, to make a human centipede.
I always would have thought horror is about scaring people, build up the atmosphere and then throw out a surprise. This movie is not scary. The first half plays like some twisted porno and the second half as though the director wanted to do his best to disgust people. There are pretty much no redeeming features to the movie. It is dull, boring and badly done. It's also the biggest meeting place of characters who make stupid decisions I've ever seen.
The two girls get a flat tire in a foreign country and they don't speak the language. Out of options:
(A) stay put in the car and wait for help
(B) Change the tire through trial and error
(C) Drive on anyway, a tire can be fixed
(D) Wander aimlessly for help when you are already lost
They chose D. Furthermore instead of following the road they decided to wander aimlessly, in the dark, through a forest. That kind of stupid decision making just astounds me.
Then there is a pathetic escape attempt where instead of going for help the one girl goes back into the house and tries to drag her unconscious friend along.
There's the Japanese guy, my favourite, who commits suicide when they are about to be saved.
There's the doctor who stays in the house when he knows the police are on to him and coming to investigate.
And lastly there's the police officers who split up in a crazy's house. The first officer, who has a gun, gets killed by the injured doctor who has a scalpel and can now only crawl. That has to have been due to a stupid decision. The other officer sees his dead partner, runs to him and completely forgets to check the room for the man who killed him! Yes they both die. In fact 6/8 characters in the movie die and one survivor is only in one scene anyway.
The American girls speak in English, the doctor in either German or English, the police officers in German and the Japanese guy in Japanese. In such a movie subtitles are important. The subtitles I had also seemed to think it important to add information like 'ominous music'. I'm guessing that's for deaf people but it sure doesn't help build tension. As it is the music is barely there and the dialogue is laughable. As no one understands Japanese all those lines are shouting and ranting that doesn't really need translation. The doctor says nothing useful and when he does it is boring anyway. The girls talk in the beginning but after surgery do nothing but whimper and cry, and if you don't appreciate the sound of sobbing you might as well watch on mute because that's all you'll hear.
I would go on but I think you get the picture. No matter what part of the movie you mention it probably sucked.
1/10
I always would have thought horror is about scaring people, build up the atmosphere and then throw out a surprise. This movie is not scary. The first half plays like some twisted porno and the second half as though the director wanted to do his best to disgust people. There are pretty much no redeeming features to the movie. It is dull, boring and badly done. It's also the biggest meeting place of characters who make stupid decisions I've ever seen.
The two girls get a flat tire in a foreign country and they don't speak the language. Out of options:
(A) stay put in the car and wait for help
(B) Change the tire through trial and error
(C) Drive on anyway, a tire can be fixed
(D) Wander aimlessly for help when you are already lost
They chose D. Furthermore instead of following the road they decided to wander aimlessly, in the dark, through a forest. That kind of stupid decision making just astounds me.
Then there is a pathetic escape attempt where instead of going for help the one girl goes back into the house and tries to drag her unconscious friend along.
There's the Japanese guy, my favourite, who commits suicide when they are about to be saved.
There's the doctor who stays in the house when he knows the police are on to him and coming to investigate.
And lastly there's the police officers who split up in a crazy's house. The first officer, who has a gun, gets killed by the injured doctor who has a scalpel and can now only crawl. That has to have been due to a stupid decision. The other officer sees his dead partner, runs to him and completely forgets to check the room for the man who killed him! Yes they both die. In fact 6/8 characters in the movie die and one survivor is only in one scene anyway.
The American girls speak in English, the doctor in either German or English, the police officers in German and the Japanese guy in Japanese. In such a movie subtitles are important. The subtitles I had also seemed to think it important to add information like 'ominous music'. I'm guessing that's for deaf people but it sure doesn't help build tension. As it is the music is barely there and the dialogue is laughable. As no one understands Japanese all those lines are shouting and ranting that doesn't really need translation. The doctor says nothing useful and when he does it is boring anyway. The girls talk in the beginning but after surgery do nothing but whimper and cry, and if you don't appreciate the sound of sobbing you might as well watch on mute because that's all you'll hear.
I would go on but I think you get the picture. No matter what part of the movie you mention it probably sucked.
1/10
They chose D. Furthermore instead of following the road they decided to wander aimlessly, in the dark, through a forest. That kind of stupid decision making just astounds me.
You give people too much credit. Having worked in retail, I can say I've met plenty of stupid people.
Then there is a pathetic escape attempt where instead of going for help the one girl goes back into the house and tries to drag her unconscious friend along.
Again, people can be stupid and often let emotions get in the way of reason.
There's the Japanese guy, my favourite, who commits suicide when they are about to be saved.
For one, none of the victims knew police were in the house. Also, Japanese. Kinda racist, but yeah, he gave his reasons. What he did was the most selfish thing imaginable, but torture does that to people.
There's the doctor who stays in the house when he knows the police are on to him and coming to investigate.
Someone that obsessive about their work would not leave it behind. There was no way he was going to load them up onto a truck or anything of the sort.
And lastly there's the police officers who split up in a crazy's house. The first officer, who has a gun, gets killed by the injured doctor who has a scalpel and can now only crawl. That has to have been due to a stupid decision. The other officer sees his dead partner, runs to him and completely forgets to check the room for the man who killed him! Yes they both die. In fact 6/8 characters in the movie die and one survivor is only in one scene anyway.
Yeah it was rather dumb. I can give you that one. I would think detectives would do something so simple, but again the whole emotion thing. I only remember the girl in the middle as the only survivor.
Its definitely not something I'd care to watch again, but a 1/10 is not a good score for it.
Also, in case you haven't noticed, since the dawn of Saw about 80% of horror films are torture porn. Just putting that out there.
I know there are stupid people but that is going too far. They are already scared and lost so why would they go somewhere that's even more scary and lost?
Again, people can be stupid and often let emotions get in the way of reason.
Fair enough, but she was already outside when she decided to go back. As for her original escape why didn't she just hid the doctor over the head or choke him or something. She was behind him and had the element of surprise. Or that was a different escape. It's all blurred together now.
For one, none of the victims knew police were in the house. Also, Japanese. Kinda racist, but yeah, he gave his reasons. What he did was the most selfish thing imaginable, but torture does that to people.
That is true but they knew someone had been there. Also you don't kill yourself after going that far in an escape attempt. The doctor was crawling and he had a heavy lamp. He just needed to hit once then find a phone. But he kills himself once he's in the best position he's been in the whole movie.
Yeah it was rather dumb. I can give you that one. I would think detectives would do something so simple, but again the whole emotion thing. I only remember the girl in the middle as the only survivor.
I also counted the creep in the car as a survivor because I counted the trucker as a victim.
Also, in case you haven't noticed, since the dawn of Saw about 80% of horror films are torture porn. Just putting that out there.
Don't watch many movies, especially horror. Even if it is a trend it doesn't make it any better.