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a look inside my mind
14 years ago
constantly, i have these rapid fire (machine gun thoughts i like to all them). they keep me busy a lot of the time, and semi- interesting to my peers as i let them come out of my mouth as freely as a cat does though their kitty door. No matter the thought, dirty, clean, deep, not well thought, rude, kind, etc. I usually think mean things to say to people. i think its some kind of a defense mechisim because of my past being verbally tormented constantly. i feel like i have to think of things to say back in case the occasion arises, but it never does...
with my machine gun thoughts, it really hard to stay concentrated. i often find my self thinking about hypothetical scenarios like what if i left the oven on before i left for school, or like what if i threw this pencil at the teacher RIGHT NOW, or my favorite who would react better to a random kiss on the lips.
At other times i try to keep myself busy as much as possible. usually though work or watching something to keep my mind from wandering too much. usually its a concert i downloaded online or this pathetic attempt to draw something that looks good and can be on par with some of the ppl i know work's, i do it fast and i move on to something else otherwise i get bored and i torment myself with this state of stupid thoughts that will never get me anywhere besides to a mental institute.
but alas there are times where i slow down and i find myself thinking about a lot of things ive grown from, or that stil bothers me from till this day. it could even be from 1999 and i'll remember it. i hold this sort of grudge i will never for get them for as long as i live. at those times i find that i break down and cry. they hurt and i cant let go. usually at night it happens when nothing is good on TV and ive finished beating resident evil 2 for the 100th time, its when im alone. sometimes if feel trapped in my own mind.
with my machine gun thoughts, it really hard to stay concentrated. i often find my self thinking about hypothetical scenarios like what if i left the oven on before i left for school, or like what if i threw this pencil at the teacher RIGHT NOW, or my favorite who would react better to a random kiss on the lips.
At other times i try to keep myself busy as much as possible. usually though work or watching something to keep my mind from wandering too much. usually its a concert i downloaded online or this pathetic attempt to draw something that looks good and can be on par with some of the ppl i know work's, i do it fast and i move on to something else otherwise i get bored and i torment myself with this state of stupid thoughts that will never get me anywhere besides to a mental institute.
but alas there are times where i slow down and i find myself thinking about a lot of things ive grown from, or that stil bothers me from till this day. it could even be from 1999 and i'll remember it. i hold this sort of grudge i will never for get them for as long as i live. at those times i find that i break down and cry. they hurt and i cant let go. usually at night it happens when nothing is good on TV and ive finished beating resident evil 2 for the 100th time, its when im alone. sometimes if feel trapped in my own mind.
