For the longest I've complained about how Furs tend to treat the idea of friendship, or at least how they tend to treat me as a friend. So, I figure for the sake of clarification, I'm just going to say what I see as a true friendship. What brought this on was mostly having thoughts about Draggor and other friends who seemed to throw me away after Xander and I broke up several years ago. I'm sure I was supposed to "get over it" or something like that, but I had a lot vested in these people and it's hard not to still feel a little of the hurt.

So What is a friend?
Well, a friend.. is a friend! A friend is someone whom there is a mutual psychological connection to. Someone who you can trust, someone who you can relax with.. Someone who will allow you to be yourself, and accept you for who you are. A friendship should bring joy to a all involved parties. And yes this can include sex. Friends should also be able to support you in your endeavors. like a back-up crew.

Now I think many furs understand that part so far. Here is things where it gets hairy.

A friendship, like any relationship, must have a good foundation. This is the strength of the friendship. It keeps it strong, keeps it sturdy. I believe a true friend wants to see you, speak to you, be around you. I know it's how I feel about my friends. I WANT them around, and I want them to want me around. I want to talk to them, and I want them to want to talk to me. But it shouldn't be forced. I have a inate desire to share parts of my life with my friends. It's compulsery. It comes natural. I mean, look at Facebok, Twitter and other here.. these "Social" sites. It's because you want to share things with your friends, and you want them to share back with you. I mean, an example, I have a Google Cr-48. I want to tell friends, not to BRAG, or make them jealous.. But to share!

Where I tend to have problems with furs, is this. Furs tend to collect "friends" So they are always looking for someone more interesting, or attractive, or talented, and so on. So, we have an intense friendship that will last a few weeks or months. but then they go on to something better. Of course, they will deny this, but when I start complaining about them not responding to journals, or tweets, and so on.. they don't understand.. They tell me their busy. Life can get busy, yes... but that's why you keep freinds close. And it's even more of an issue, if you're doing it because you have "too many friends" Like one friend I know. It's why I avoid friendships and subscribe to the "popufur" idea. He can't make time for me, because he's spending his time with other people or giving it out to those he feels are more important.

But that's not the only purpose of having a strong foundation. Now, I've learned, I can have a powerful temper, aided by a sharp tongue. I am also an upfront, vocal person. If i feel something is wrong I will say it. Even moreso to anyone I give the designation of "best friend". like Tos... I considered him one of my best friends. Until I realized he hasn't started a conversation with me in 2 years. for 4 or 5 cons straight There would be no time. Not because he was on staff, but because of other friends. No... I'm not calling him out specifically, but it's one example of many. But the point was to say, that when I'd talk to him about it, my temper would be the first thing to greet him. as with other when things have gotten to a certain point. Many want to have a pack of sexy friends yoBut that foundation keeps a true friendship strong in the face of a storm. A good house isn't one that can only stand in perfect weather. A well built house must remain strong in a heavy wind, rain, and so on.

In conclusion, since this has gone a little long.. If you've made it this far I commend you. A good friendship, at least to me.. isn't something that can falter easily. In this fandom, everyone is sexually active, and fans of art. They want a pack of sexy friends, who they bang on the weekends, drink with and party with and everyone is happy. Then they get gift art together and shit. So, yeah, I'm not attractive.. I can't draw, and I don't like to be around people throwing up. I'm sure there are tons of people who can say I'm fun to be around, and I care a lot for my friends. which is why I get so "emo" when they turn their back on me.

Me? I just want a circle of friends I can enjoy life with. Both in person and far away. Life is a wonderful gift, with plenty of adventure to be had out there. But I prefer to share it with people. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing my way into their schedule, I don't want to be on a waiting list or stand in line to be picked from their masses of friends. I want that mutual enjoyment of life. And I am missing that.