I quit, I'm done.

No, this isn't a "baw, I'm leaving the fandom" journal. This is a being fed up with myself, and everyone else journal.

I am sorry, beyond all you are comprehending, that I didn't spend more time with you. But saying what you think I mean would be a lie, because the inherent meaning behind that sentence would be "I do not like you", and that is false in every regard.

Sure, I have thought on many occasions that I didn't know where we stood in our friendship. Sometimes, people can be enigmatic, and while I was sure we were friends, every so often I'd get weird vibes from the situation that I couldn't read.

Am I proud of myself for acting like this? No. I'm not proud of a lot of things I did in October. In fact, I'm not proud of a lot of things that happened in 2010. It has been, by and large, a shitty year full of fake people, heavy disappointments, and some shining pinpoints of happiness.

I am more than happy to sit here and wait. It's worth it for a friendship I care to keep. There has been a lot of stuff these days that have made me want to throw in the towel, and the fact of the matter is, I'm not willing to let the division bell ring here. If you decide you want to cut ties, I'll respect your decision, hate it, and chalk it up to one more reason why this year has been immensely disappointing.

I hope you don't want to do that, though. I would really miss you.