It'll be okay. It sucks when shit gets down. Lot of people I know are having tough times, too. Hang in there?

It's ok, I know what it's like to have the same problems, and it's tough but it'll get better. I know that sounds like cakes made of lies from someone over the internet, but it's true. Have you attempted getting medication? It sounds like a huge commitment, but you might be able to use it to get a "boost" that will help you get over the hill. Anyway, feel better--you will eventually, even though it might take a lot of time.

This year has been pretty crappy for everyone I've talked to, and that includes myself. Hang in there! If you are feeling down, find ways to make yourself happy. Draw, write, play games. It doesn't matter, as long as you're not beating yourself up over little things.

Kia kaha, babe...

Have all your therapists been specifically using a behavioural model as in behaviour therapy? Of course I don't know much at all about your specific healthcare situation so I apologise for how trite this must seem. Try to bear in mind that's simply one treatment approach, and dismissing therapy as a course of action because one method doesn't work is like swearing off medicine because one kind of drug is ineffective. If you're with the NHS I'd have assumed you'd be seeing psychologists or psychiatrists, ideally, talking about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (mostly just because it has the largest body of clinical evidence)? that's definitely what I think should be the base standard of care so if you haven't, try to get help in advocating that you should be seeing those people. But outside of that there are other approaches that you can investigate--Person Centred Therapy is one off the top of my head.

The point of therapy, even without huge leaps of progress, is to be able to regularly talk to someone who understands something about what you're going through in a professional context. And beyond even that the point is that you don't fail until you give up. As someone who has been a chronic depressive at least half of my life my life, I can attest that successful therapy is a very painful and long term process, because you're engaged in re-writing the self-destructive habits you engage in so often they're like the multi-lane highways of your neural roadmap, reprogramming yourself. The effort though is very much worthwhile one, which affords you an incredible degree of freedom and self-control.

I think I've been seeing some sort of therapists since I was maybe nine or ten, because nobody could put a finger on why I was just... odd*.

Then I had massive confidence issues throughout my teenage years and I saw three separate behavioural therapists for it. They do the same thing wherein they make me realise that not everything is my fault, give me ways of coping when I start slipping into old habits and try to bring me around from being, well, a ball of woe in social situations. It's taken me nearly ten years to actually be okay with being out and about in public by myself, or using public transport.

I am with the NHS as far as I know but I don't think I've really seen anybody about depression, though the person that prescribed me mild anti-depressants might have been? I wish I could be more helpful but my memory is shot at the best of times x_x

*My parents were told that I may have Autism, but we all know where that goes whenever you mention it on the internet and I'm hesitant to even think about it.

As a layperson the most I can say is the many of your journal posts here on FA are very suggestive of a depressive state of mind--that you have a belief in the intractability of unhappiness, that problems are insoluble, that you feel powerless to change the way you feel and so on, often very marked tendencies in people like myself. I was already somewhat depressed--introverted, asocial and self harming at about that age, so I wouldn't rule it out as close to the knuckle of a useful diagnosis.

If they werespecifically behavioural therapists it may be that their approach wasn't what you needed--as a general rule they aren't as interested as some other 'flavours' of therapist in how the precise thoughts you think to start with affect your mood, and how you can engage with an even modify your habits of thought. Did you ever hear the buzzword 'mindfulness'? Unfortunately I have no experience with the autistic spectrum so I have nothing useful to suggest there, although I believe usually the specific signs of autism are pronounced enough that teachers should recognise it in a classroom setting.

I don't recall hearing "mindfulness", no :c

My journals here tend to be the tip of the iceberg and a last resort when I can't quite handle my problems in my own mind, ahah.

As for the autism part, it WAS my early teachers who suggested it to my parents when I was very young. However my parents didn't know at the time there was a spectrum to the disorder so they didn't believe it.

It's well worth having a general read-around concerning common psychiatric practices, though many of the wiki pages aren't that great themselves, they can be useful jumping off points: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness_(psychology) a related idea is http://psychology.wikia.com/wiki/Acceptance

Because behaviour therapy focuses so much on external actions it does very little in the way of encouraging you to actually alter the way you think about situations as some other modern therapies do. It's far from the only methodology, and if it doesn't work for you you're very justified in asking to see someone else and try another way.

Your poor memory is also a very common clue that often points to chronic depression, incidentally. Because depression greatly distorts one's experience of oneself and the world it makes it very difficult to construct a coherent narrative of events in the past.

Okay, now this is just starting to rub me the wrong way now. You claim that no one is talking to you, or wanting to Rp, when I frequently take time out of my day to try and talk to you and I always want to Rp, like every day. I will drop all my painting and art JUST to try
and talk with you. You're like the only exception.

I am here for you damn it, so cut out acting like I'm not and that I don't want to talk to you or Rp, because I do and want to do so. Just ask me. You're my friend.