I feel that I need to explain myself to quite a few people that have been worrying about me in the past few weeks. Well I have been distant and even cold I am aware of this. For those of you the know me well then you know that I have my own way of dealing with things. It doesn't always make sense but it is my way to cope. Lately the way I have not been in my best state of mind. I have just endure a very scary part of my life and on top of that there have been many self worth issues and even questions about my existence itself. I am not well. All my close friends are very far away and I rarely get to talk to them and other people that have attached themselves to me I keep pushing away because I just don't return the feelings that they have towards me. I'm not a social person. And I get close to very few people. Honestly I could count all my loved ones on one claw. I admit that I need help with these problems. Seeing happy people and couples sickens and anger me. Then I become ashamed for these feelings. I feel so empty and isolated. I don't want to become one of those broken bitter people that hates everyone. I want to fight against it. I need to find a way soon as well. I'm running out of fake smiles to show people and I need to replace them with real ones again.