Hello all. Yes, I am alive. Yes, I am still breathing. Things have been so hectic the last few passes home, I haven't been able to really sit down and write to you guys what's been going on.

The first thing I would like to bring to light is the number of rumors that have been circulating about me. Let me assure you that these are unfed and untrue, every single one of them. I need to let you all know that I am very displeased with the conduct of some of the members around here relating to this whole thing. I want to end this issue here and now, and I'm doing it. I'll tell you the full story, but you have to remember that this happened two months ago and there may be some discrepencies.

I was relaxing, typing as I always have done, to my love. Things were going haywire around the house (my dad cheating on my mom and me catching him red handed, watching my little neice who is currently in her terrible twos) I'd had enough. Darin isn't the only reason why I attempted that day. A friend of mine who shall remain nameless cheated on his mate and made a big scene in an IRC chatroom that shall also remain unnammed. I got so depressed that I cut myself a few times with a razor. They were really good mates. My mother was upstairs sleeping and suddenly this IM window pops up with this girl asking me if I am all right. Somehow, I'd blocked my mate from everything and (god forbid) put on 89X which was playing some pretty bad music that made me depressed more. Because of my elevated paranioa and the fact that I hadn't taken my meds properly that day, I asked her questions which she answered and soon I knew the truth about Darin and his mistress. She tried to tell me that he loved me more but I was so mindblown at that minute with all of the stress I was under I ran to the bathroom and downed 52 0.5 mg tablets of Klonopin. I told my mate I did it and he instantly called the house, waking up my mother, and I knew it was time to go upstairs. My mother called 911.

Darin, this little bit is to you. I had dreams. Dreams of the sea. Nightmares of sea monsters and some shadowy creature saving me. This was after I'd passed out in the ambulance. These visions were very strong. I knew for that moment you were deathly worried about me. I read your journals. You cried and cried. So did I. I received three 7 mg prolixin tablets over the course of 3 days because I could not stop crying. The hospital wasn't that bad, or should I say isn't, but there were moments when all I thought about was your face smiling at me bent down next to that RC car that day at the church. I heard tell from my mother that your mother told mine all about you, and my mother had some secrets to tell as well. As far as I can tell, your father will never like me.

My mother found out that I was using wireless internet. I had to make up a pretty tall tale to stifle her. She found out many things and received transcriptions of intimate yiffy conversations between me and my mate. Things I would have died before she saw. Humiliation still plays a factor today. Darin's parents hired a professional to come in and look at his laptop, and boy they found everything.

I've been in the hospital for almost three months and what I have to say for it is that next time I will go to a PROFESSIONAL when I am feeling the way I felt back then. Not my mother, not my father, my fucking PSYCHIATRIST. THEROPIST... Somebody.

I will conclude this letter by saying Darin please unblock me from your page and I will announce publically my undying love for you. Maybe you and I and this girl can work something out. I love you, I find you to be my soul mate, and your voice makes me smile and brings warmth to my heart. God bless you.

And to others, I hope this clears up any questions you had. I won't be on the computer for the next months to come, so those of you that know me well have my cell. Please do call. I need someone to talk to...especially you, Darin. We're not alone. We both need to get out of "here". Goodbye.