I've been considering starting a blog, mostly for myself just to vent to somewhere the thoughts going on in my head. I am not an articulate person when it comes to talking to anyone face to face, I freeze up and I forget what I want to say, my friend describes me as cheap internet, it takes me forever to load anything and sometimes the connection just drops. XD It's so true. I also just have this thing against airing my dirty laundry as it were, I have a lot of opinions, as does everyone, but I always have felt like mine don't matter, or people are going to think I am just whining or bitching, or wrong, and the idea of that scares me a lot. Its why I stay away from commenting even on art or other peoples journals on here, cause I just feel like no one is going to care what I have to say. But yeah, onto why I am considering the blog. I think everything I mentioned above as to why I don't is a hindrance to me going forward with the life my severe depression has pretty much put on hold, and I think in speaking my mind and just what is really going on in there to somewhere, even if no one would read it might just lift some weight off my shoulders. Truly though, I'd love if it was helpful to even just one person. I've been going through the battle with depression for over 11 years now, and I had defiant signs of it before then but was too young to really understand, its been 11 years of it being medically real to me, and to tell you the truth, I've only recently in the past few years actually started coming to terms with it and seeing it for what it is, and being able to tell people, I suffer from Depression and its not something I should be ashamed of or feel like I am overdoing the disease, making it out for more then it is, like most people believe. I just found, recently, cognitive therapy I have been the most receptive to. Though the booklets are a little cheesy, even just getting one sentence from a workbook that sticks with me is a wonderful feeling. Though, I still doubt myself, cause even writing this was hard, and then I'm going to sit here and stare at the go button, pondering if I actually should post it cause my mind is going to the worst case scenario as it always always does. I wish someone could just install an off switch at the back of my head, so I can take a break from my cognitive brain for awhile.