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Its come to this...
18 years ago
I don't really care how emo this journal sounds. Doesn't matter anymore. Most of the people i watch or who watch me probably won't even read this. That's okay but this goes out to everyone who does pay attention.
I am out of the fandom. I know, pretty general statment. hey look at the emo kid crying in the corner so everyone can see. No its not like that. I simply have decided i am through drawing. I am not involving myself anymore. So i guess this will matter to the people who actually pay attention to my site. Don't expect anymore ppictures, mmaybe not for a long time, maybe not ever. It depends i guess. I don't know if i will be able to stay away. Its been a part of my life for a while, i've always felt comfortable here. But lately things have been different. I've seen things about the fandom that just make no sense to me. It sucks too cause i just spent a grand on a fursuit that i will probably just burn.
Now my reason? Well, i just went through a terrible break up. Uh oh its the emo kid again, haha. Well whatever.. My relationship ended because of sex. Not that he sucked at it, he was the best i'd ever had. In fact he was the best boyfriend i'd ever had. Cute, funny, gentle, affectionate, amaaazingly sexy in bed. But you know.. in the end it all boiled down to one thing. He wanted to fuck other ppl, and i can't do that. He couldn't keep his paws to himself, or his pants on. I've done well not to use certain words on him, that i've been thinking. Do i still love him? I don't know, maybe. Being hurt like this pretty much takes the luster out of any love.
So why the fandom you ask? Why take it out on you all? Well because its the fandoms fault. The fandom as i've seen it in the last few years is just too sexual for my taste. Its blurred the lines between friend lover and yes, even aquaintence. When my mate tells me he has been fucking since he was fifteen, not only am i mad that ppl subjected him to it and messed up his perception of a relationship, but i am mad that some of those fucking perverts wanted a fifteen year old. Well... I am not going to make threats, or say mean things because its all pointless. I am not going to come across as an internet tough guy (military trained or not, heh) But.. i will say my only mmethod it seems in ridding myself of it, is to leave the fandom completely. I don't wanna be around these child molesting fucks. Or any of you who think are in some way a cause for why the younger furs are such sluts.
So if any of that applies to anyone who is reading it. Well.. i hope you burn for it. And to those who are so good to me. And have appreciated my art. I thank you. You were a good support but its over. I had a good run i suppose. I hope everyone else is happy with their lifestyle.
Byebye..
Jes
(ps.. i do not know how to delete my account. Damn..)
I am out of the fandom. I know, pretty general statment. hey look at the emo kid crying in the corner so everyone can see. No its not like that. I simply have decided i am through drawing. I am not involving myself anymore. So i guess this will matter to the people who actually pay attention to my site. Don't expect anymore ppictures, mmaybe not for a long time, maybe not ever. It depends i guess. I don't know if i will be able to stay away. Its been a part of my life for a while, i've always felt comfortable here. But lately things have been different. I've seen things about the fandom that just make no sense to me. It sucks too cause i just spent a grand on a fursuit that i will probably just burn.
Now my reason? Well, i just went through a terrible break up. Uh oh its the emo kid again, haha. Well whatever.. My relationship ended because of sex. Not that he sucked at it, he was the best i'd ever had. In fact he was the best boyfriend i'd ever had. Cute, funny, gentle, affectionate, amaaazingly sexy in bed. But you know.. in the end it all boiled down to one thing. He wanted to fuck other ppl, and i can't do that. He couldn't keep his paws to himself, or his pants on. I've done well not to use certain words on him, that i've been thinking. Do i still love him? I don't know, maybe. Being hurt like this pretty much takes the luster out of any love.
So why the fandom you ask? Why take it out on you all? Well because its the fandoms fault. The fandom as i've seen it in the last few years is just too sexual for my taste. Its blurred the lines between friend lover and yes, even aquaintence. When my mate tells me he has been fucking since he was fifteen, not only am i mad that ppl subjected him to it and messed up his perception of a relationship, but i am mad that some of those fucking perverts wanted a fifteen year old. Well... I am not going to make threats, or say mean things because its all pointless. I am not going to come across as an internet tough guy (military trained or not, heh) But.. i will say my only mmethod it seems in ridding myself of it, is to leave the fandom completely. I don't wanna be around these child molesting fucks. Or any of you who think are in some way a cause for why the younger furs are such sluts.
So if any of that applies to anyone who is reading it. Well.. i hope you burn for it. And to those who are so good to me. And have appreciated my art. I thank you. You were a good support but its over. I had a good run i suppose. I hope everyone else is happy with their lifestyle.
Byebye..
Jes
(ps.. i do not know how to delete my account. Damn..)
To be honest... for a while I hoped for it. But recently you and I were cool with eachother and now... I feel bad. I hope you are able to cool off for a while and come back. It might not be what you want to hear, but it's usually what happens. As for [trying not to use his name since you didn't in your journal] I can only imagine how upset he must be too.
*sigh*
"This too shall pass"
Have a good cry, mope for a while. Everyone needs it sometimes.
If you guys get back together eventually, that's great. If not, it's not the end of everything (as unbelievable as you must think that is)
I have to ask myself.. am i wrong? Was i wrong for only wanting to be with him and no one else..? Was i wrong for wanting that from him?
And yes, I have felt that way. After I lost my first mate. He told me that he was 'incapable of love.' He was the first person who ever actualy said to me 'I love you.' After him I felt like there would never be another person who would care about me, and the I started to yiff with furs left and right to feel needed. I've lost count how many.
As of now, I consider two of these furs my closest intimate friends. You obviously know one of them.
All I can say is to not do anything stupid while you wait for your heart to heal. It will.
Aaaw. Go cry to someone who cares. I commented on a public journal. Boohoo.
Actually get that thing you call a cock up, we'll work from there. Just don't go crying to mummy when you fail.
Like i said. Go try to hurt someone else's feelings.
This journal was for those i consider "my friends" to get an idea of what is going on and why. Its for THEM! Now unless you have something positive to say, a legitimate question, or an unbiased, UNNEGATIVE remark, then stay the fuck off here. All you are doing is wasting my time, and yours because despite what you think i am NOT emo and you aren't going to hurt my feelings my saying "Boohoo". All that is going to happen is you are goig to get blocked and i am going to forget your existence.
That being said... no more flaming. Including you wolfbeardog. You don't even belong here. You abandoned me a long time ago.
i know this may very well not concearn me. i saw your icon and found it pretty and interesting, reading your current mood and this journal and actually thinking (correct me if i am wrong, i only mean well) that i understand why you want to leave. i wish you luck, honestly. you seem like a decent guy that really did not need the troubles that was in your way to come to this conclution. but that´s just my opinion. i hope you are doing better someway or some day
*offers a mint*
i read through somewhere on FA that if you wish to get deleted the thing you can do is go to your avatar option, delete it, and submissions, in your control panel, then view the left side of the screen, there is a link to what you have submitted on your page, delete them plus your avatar and recent or old journals to really show you have left. i dont know any other way then that. other then asking a administrator, im not one myself but if you wish to bring this to real end i advise you to speak your matter to them
(why would i care? because i just do for no reward or words of thanks at all... i really just like seeing others happy making me happy. if you think thats a dimwitted goal or just silly thinking dont share it with me because then you are writing to deaf ears and blind eyes)
sincearly and honestly - timril
In any case, thank you for your opinion and your advice, but this is all old news now hehe. I mean it was maybe a month ago yea. But i've spent most of that time thinking a lot about what happened and its actually all better now. As far as being in the fandom i cannot say that i am as into it as i used to be. But the fact is i have been a furry long enough that i can't just stop it. And most of my friends are furs so it would be dumb just to walk out on them. Anyway i'm still hanging around, collecting art and commenting. And i am doing much better now, thank you. *noms mint* >3