Well...it's January 4th, and that means it's time to break out the party hats and noisemakers because it's my 3rd anniversary on FA *plays intro to Super Smash Bros. Brawl while fireworks go off in the background (those who watch Atop the 4th Wall will know exactly what I mean)* I don't really have any new stories ready to be put up to mark the occasion, so I'll do another one of my top 10 lists in the meantime.

This top 10 list is a personal one of mine. Over the course of several years of going through various sites and looking at various types of porn. There are certain types of porn that make me do a Jim Varney impression (my personal favorite is when he does it after kissing the troll). While I'm not a douchebag about it like some people who whine about it in public, these things do turn me off and as a result are things that I will never write about in stories. Without further ado, this is my top 10 things that I will never write a story about.

DISCLAIMER: The following opinions are my own and reflect my own PERSONAL feelings for said things mentioned. It does in no way indicate that I have any malice toward people who are interested in some of the things on the list. It's just that these are things that I do not want to touch with a 10 foot pole when it comes to porn and/or writing. Well, with one exception...but I'll get to that when we get there.

10. Human females from American cartoons: Let me state this for the record, I don't find these females to be sexually appealing to me...at all. Yes, that includes the ones that are drawn that are supposed to look sexually appealing (prime examples would be Jessica Rabbit or "Hello Nurse"). Admittedly, I can see why some people find them attractive, but personally...I do not. When I think of human females that are sexually attractive I think of either REAL-LIFE human females or those portrayed in anime. To be fair though, there are a few (very rare) instances where I see something fappable enough for my taste based on an American cartoon, which is why this is only #10.

9. Characters from superhero comic books: 1. See my explanation for #10, 2. I do not find overly muscular females to be physically appealing. Plus, I have never thought at any point in my life that "OMG, Wonder Woman (or some other random shero*) is so hawt I want to put my dick in her". Finally, these are characters who have far better things to be doing than being eye candy anyway...like, fighting crime, saving the planet/universe, or something like that.

8. Family Guy/Simpsons Characters: Same reasons as I stated for #10...but with even more hatred for porn of this type. 1. There is WAAAY too much of it already on the internet. Yeah, we've all heard the song "The Internet is for Porn", but too much of a certain type can get boring and excessive. 2. None of the characters aren't really that attractive anyway. At least Jessica Rabbit and "Hello Nurse" were drawn to be sexy, while Lois and Marge were drawn to fit into the maternal role. Admittedly though, Lois is definitely closer to being sexually appealing than Marge is. 3. WHY?!! Why would you put either one of them in Playboy Magazine...especially Marge?!! If I wanted to look at Playboy, I'd be looking at it for REAL-LIFE girls...not Marge Simpson. Also, to paraphrase the Nerd..."They're NOT REAL! Stop pretending that they're fucking real!"

7. Yaoi: OK...everyone saw this one coming a mile away. First of all, let me make two things perfectly clear. 1. I don't hate yaoi...I just don't care for it. 2. I'm not like some asshole such as Fred Phelps or those other "religious" jackasses who despises homosexuality, I just don't have any preference for it. Although, there are a few rare instances where I do make some sort of indirect reference to it in stories...though I will never ever go into detail with it.

6. Political Satire: Y'know, there's already enough of this shit floating around, with stuff like Family Guy, The Simpsons, American Dad, just to name a few examples. I don't need nor do I want to do this kind of crap. I consider myself to be independent, with no real loyalty to either side since I think that they're BOTH flawed. Besides, I get riled up enough during campaign season when I'm bombarded with about eight hours of fucking political ads just so I can watch 5 minutes of football. Political ads should be BANNED during broadcast of sporting events. People who tune in don't give a rat's ass about the nine million ads shown throughout the game, they care about the fucking game.

5. Pleasure Bon Bon: Here's something that you'd be surprised to see on this list, but it's here...but it's not because I dislike it. Far from it, I actually enjoy PBB...a lot and this may actually be one thing that I may change my mind on in the future. The main reason why I don't want to do this is because I'm not sure if I'd be able to do any justice to the series/characters if I did...even if I do find them to be sexually appealing. If I can find a way around it, I may change my mind about it, but for now I have to say no.

4. Vore (of all kinds): No...I do not find eating/getting eaten by others to be sexually stimulating...at all, and this is coming from someone who has a mate who is interested in this kind of stuff. However, that being said, this is merely my opinion that I'm stating here and if I don't feel comfortable about it then I don't want to do it. Sapphire and I have an understanding about it and while I personally don't care for vore, I don't give hir a hard time about it either. If that's what certain people like, that's fine, but as for me...the only things that I want to stick into my mouth are from things that are already dead.

3. Guro (again of all kinds): What exactly is sexually appealing about someone getting mutilated, decapitated, or vivisected. In my opinion...absolutely nothing. That's not saying that I wouldn't do stories with some level of violence in them. However, the violence level would have to be at a tolerable level and also there would have to be a valid reason for it.

2. Stupid Shit Like This: The people who make this kind of crap are not funny and the people who POST this kind of crap on various sites are not funny, and as the Nostalgia Critic has already indicated...Not Funny + Not Funny = NOT FUCKING FUNNY! All the people who do this prove is that 1. they officially have NO life whatsoever, and 2. they are an embarrassment to nature. Yeah, it's not like I'd ever do anything like this garbage to begin with, but I'll mention it here anyway, because I FUCKING HATE IT!

1. "Bathroom Antics" (BKA: Piss and Shit): Of all the things that I will never ever do, this is the one where I put my foot down the hardest. I do not care for this at all, nor do I wish to see, write, or read anything that has this in it. There is zero chance that I will change my mind about this either, so don't even bother asking for it.

REMEMBER...these opinions are my own and are not directed at the people who actually do find certain things on this list appealing. Just because you like something doesn't mean I have to, just as you don't necessarily have to like something that I do.

*: I prefer to use this term rather than the one that sounds similar to an illegal narcotic.