tomorrow is my 29th birthday.
part of me wants to say "whoopdee freakin do" because of the stress i have been under.. doesnt make it much of a good thing.

another part is happy i made it this far. when i was growing up and after the last time i died, i honestly thought i would be fully dead by 26. i thought there was no way i would last this long with all my demons and angels haunting me. then when my grandpa died i was so scared. scared i would follow. i became happy for him in the end. he is with his god now, and he is happy i am sure. i see him all the time, so why should i be sad for him. i do miss him though. so much. my baby and her mom are dead. my grandfather is dead.. it is like i am a bad omen.
then again i am dealing with it better. i am able to cry now, instead of cut. infact i havent cut badly in about 4 years.. i suppose that says something.

i suppose i should be happy so ill try. i am having a hard time being strong for my family, maybe i can be a little real with myself and my bunny though. she is so supportive. i love her so much.

happy bday to me i suppose.