seriously! Garcia Hall is god awful! I have a roommate who likes to watch infomercials and those crappy shows that come on late at night on History Channel until fucking 3 am. Tonight my neighbor is having some sort of fight in his room. Shouting, things breaking, people senseless demeaning others, guys acting tough, etc.
I've been so damn perplexed and depressed as it is. I don't know what I want to do in my future for the first time in my life, and it feels strange. I always knew there'd be challenges to studying music, but the problem is when it passes being a hobby, and into something you have to do. Some people say that I should explore my possibilities since I'm young now anyway. I thank those that have supported me, and given me helpful advice.
However some showed doubt and disappointment in my contemplations, one in particular really hurt. Honestly don't shoot me down if you have NEVER even been there, and you have your head up so far up your ass you never seem to think of any snags that might come up in a years time! Shit happens! All the damn time too!
I'm most likely changing my major, because HAVING to make music is a lot different than doing it as a hobby. What happens is that you play for one group, you play simple tunes for 90 minute gigs and such, and then you have about 4 pieces that are much harder for recitals and concerts. Then you have classes that test you on performance, that give you about 5 songs to prepare for each week, then there's the wind ensemble which very often plays VERY challenging music, about 8 difficult pieces for that. Then you get chamber group which plays 3 challenging pieces. Now know this all has to be prepared within one's free time. You can't look at the paper with music on it, and finger and blow it all out, it takes care to create music, you practice line for line, beat by beat in order to cover precision, style, and consistency. This might take hours for just one piece! It's a very VERY stressful field, because if you're good, more people will want you. Those people will have faith in you and give you harder pieces to prepare. It all piles up and snowballs.
In all reality i'm not cut out for that, no one is, there are just people dumb enough to continue with the onslaught and live unhappily. I have yet to talk to any professional musician that is truly happy to be there. Most I've talked to really wish they would've done something else.
I'm not sure what I want to do really... I don't know what else I'm good at... My professor told me that it's good that I'm think about this now rather than later. She agrees that music is an awful field. It's way too hard to get a job with a music degree, and it's hardly ever enjoyable. I probably should look over what my options are, explore a little more, find out more about myself, before I really decide what I want. I'm just a kid really, sure I'm 19 and out of the house and everything, but I'm a kid that still needs growing up...
I'd like to thank  locketjql for being so caring for me, he's a great guy. He's the nicest person ever to me. I'd do almost anything for him.
Also thanks to  ziggy_costello for asking me all the right questions to get me thinking, and helping me learn a little more about myself.
Thanks to  vinylwolf for the food and drinks, and having a great place to hang out in. It's good to unwind after the day over there. I'll also include all the "pack" aka "fuzzbutts" (local) for being awesome friends, and giving me good laughs even though you all love to pick on me.
Last but not least, thanks to  demonwaffle for being funny as hell lately.
[hooray for random thanks at the end of journal]