I'm envious of those who do what they love...or even those with a passion for something - to have something that you feel you simply *need to do* must be an amazing feeling. I've always been a fairly dispassionate person, so even when there's something that I'm okay at, there's never anything that I feel compelled to do.

I look at all of the artists who just crank out amazing piece after amazing piece, day in, day out...some even posting jaw-dropping stuff as simple "warmups", or "a last quick one for the day"...and I find myself slowly despising them. Not because they're so good - I mean, it just takes talent and tons of practice to get good - it's because they feel this need to create, even if it's just a quick something between the other larger somethings.

I know some folks are probably reading this in disbelief, since I cranked out a decent number of sketches last year. Well, that was simply a trick - I made myself a promise that I'd try to get as many birthdays as I could, and the potential guilt of missing someone and making them sad drove me to draw....but I didn't really *want* to - I just tricked myself into it.

I used to write - shoot, I was even a writing major in college - but I never wrote a single thing that wasn't an assignment: something I was basically forced to do. I never was the type to sit around writing for myself, or even going as far as to join the school paper. It's the same with drawing - the pics you see here on my account are *every thing I've ever drawn*. Period. There are no sketchbooks lying around full of doodles and studies and concepts and characters. Nope, not a one. Okay, I *do* have a little one with three pages of eyes and an awful catgirl attempt, but that's it. It's simply not something I'm passionate about. Shoot, it's actually *work*, and I've avoided drawing far more often than I've felt an actual urge to do so.

I just want to *want* to do something, y'know?


Anyway, as I mentioned in the last journal (not sure anyone noticed the comment), I'm killing my "To-Do" list. If you're on there and have been waiting, I'm sorry....I'm just never going to get around to them.

I'm also canceling the upcoming kiriban.

...and formally going on an artistic hiatus...at least until I get my act together. Whenever that is. You'll likely still see me around faving and commenting, but not as much.

See ya around!
=^^=

tl:dr - Hiatus, killing to-do list. Later! ;3