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Get Rich or Go Insane Trying
15 years ago
Hey, how's it going, everyone!
My account's been somewhat dead ever since my scanner grew weary of existing and subsequently loosed itself from its own mortal coil. This is mostly due to the fact that I've been a blend of too lazy/too broke to be bothered with the idea of buying a new one. It's not that I flat-out can't afford it, it's just that not buying one means I can afford other stuff more easily. Which is nice.
Anyway, due to the aforementioned lack of account activity, I figured I'd just post something up here in the journals, just to give my watchers something to look at. Not that they don't watch other artists, mind you, but it's the principle of the thing.
However... I really have nothing relevant to say, so I figured I'd just share a short list of some of my ever famous Get Rich Quick schemes. Enjoy. ^.^;
Lawn Care
=======
Step 1) Buy a goat. Any goat will do. Cattle also work but they're difficult to transport.
2) Make fliers: A good place to start is marketing. Nobody is going to purchase your lawn care service if they don't know it exists, now are they?
3) Once you have a client, the next step is to take your goat to their house. Turn the goat loose on the lawn, and watch the grass get shorter.
4a) Fertilizer: When the goat poops on their lawn, charge extra for fertilizing.
4b) If 4a fails, then simply start a pooper-scooper business and charge extra to clean the lawn.
Results: Money, free goat food.
======================
Raffle tickets!
=========
1) Find a farmer or rancher who recently had a horse die. It is critical that you contact them before they bury the horse.
2)Purchase the horse carcass: There's actually a pretty good chance that the farmer will just give you the horse, just to get rid of it. It's dead. He doesn't want it anymore. If not, offer him 20 bucks. If he tries to talk the price higher, remind him that the horse is dead.
3)Sell tickets!: Obtain a roll of raffle tickets, then proceed to sell them at the reasonable price of $2. Advertise that the grand prize for winning the raffle is a horse, but don't specify what -kind- of horse.
4) Once you have sold 1000 tickets, the raffle is over.
5)Choose a ticket, and announce the winner.
6)Now, when the winner of the raffle discovers that horse is, in fact, deceased, and by now is starting to get a bit ripe, he's quite likely to be upset about this, so....
7) Refund his $2. He can no longer complain because he didn't get ripped off. He started with that 2 dollars and ended with that 2 dollars.
Result:
1000 tickets
x 2.00 dollars
= $2000
$2000
-$2 refunded to winner...
-$20 that you paid for the horse
Leaves you with a net profit of $1978! Repeat as necessary.
===========================================
A unique dining experience
====================
Surprisingly enough, themed restaurants are becoming a bit of a rare sight. This is strange considering that atmosphere is usually quite important in the food service industry, and themed restaurants have atmosphere out the wazoo.
Incidentally, I once had an idea for such a place.
It would be an all-venison, cervine themed restaurant!
It would be great! My customers would come in and sit at their tables. As they settled in, the server present would begin working on their order, starting, of course, with drinks!
But what kind of drinks would I serve? Oh all kinds, really!
Perhaps you're in the mood for a nice, hot cup of doe?
Or maybe you'd prefer a tall, cold, frothy glass of deer!
And the best part?
All of the drinks only cost a buck! That way you don't have to fawn over your budget. ^.^
================
Well, there you have it! Jackalope's Ever-so-amazing list of Get Rich Quick schemes! (Also known as, "The list of reasons that the Jackalope is not rich.")
So, until next time, keep your guard up, protect your face, and always move away from the power hand!
And have a lovely day,
Leafers
My account's been somewhat dead ever since my scanner grew weary of existing and subsequently loosed itself from its own mortal coil. This is mostly due to the fact that I've been a blend of too lazy/too broke to be bothered with the idea of buying a new one. It's not that I flat-out can't afford it, it's just that not buying one means I can afford other stuff more easily. Which is nice.
Anyway, due to the aforementioned lack of account activity, I figured I'd just post something up here in the journals, just to give my watchers something to look at. Not that they don't watch other artists, mind you, but it's the principle of the thing.
However... I really have nothing relevant to say, so I figured I'd just share a short list of some of my ever famous Get Rich Quick schemes. Enjoy. ^.^;
Lawn Care
=======
Step 1) Buy a goat. Any goat will do. Cattle also work but they're difficult to transport.
2) Make fliers: A good place to start is marketing. Nobody is going to purchase your lawn care service if they don't know it exists, now are they?
3) Once you have a client, the next step is to take your goat to their house. Turn the goat loose on the lawn, and watch the grass get shorter.
4a) Fertilizer: When the goat poops on their lawn, charge extra for fertilizing.
4b) If 4a fails, then simply start a pooper-scooper business and charge extra to clean the lawn.
Results: Money, free goat food.
======================
Raffle tickets!
=========
1) Find a farmer or rancher who recently had a horse die. It is critical that you contact them before they bury the horse.
2)Purchase the horse carcass: There's actually a pretty good chance that the farmer will just give you the horse, just to get rid of it. It's dead. He doesn't want it anymore. If not, offer him 20 bucks. If he tries to talk the price higher, remind him that the horse is dead.
3)Sell tickets!: Obtain a roll of raffle tickets, then proceed to sell them at the reasonable price of $2. Advertise that the grand prize for winning the raffle is a horse, but don't specify what -kind- of horse.
4) Once you have sold 1000 tickets, the raffle is over.
5)Choose a ticket, and announce the winner.
6)Now, when the winner of the raffle discovers that horse is, in fact, deceased, and by now is starting to get a bit ripe, he's quite likely to be upset about this, so....
7) Refund his $2. He can no longer complain because he didn't get ripped off. He started with that 2 dollars and ended with that 2 dollars.
Result:
1000 tickets
x 2.00 dollars
= $2000
$2000
-$2 refunded to winner...
-$20 that you paid for the horse
Leaves you with a net profit of $1978! Repeat as necessary.
===========================================
A unique dining experience
====================
Surprisingly enough, themed restaurants are becoming a bit of a rare sight. This is strange considering that atmosphere is usually quite important in the food service industry, and themed restaurants have atmosphere out the wazoo.
Incidentally, I once had an idea for such a place.
It would be an all-venison, cervine themed restaurant!
It would be great! My customers would come in and sit at their tables. As they settled in, the server present would begin working on their order, starting, of course, with drinks!
But what kind of drinks would I serve? Oh all kinds, really!
Perhaps you're in the mood for a nice, hot cup of doe?
Or maybe you'd prefer a tall, cold, frothy glass of deer!
And the best part?
All of the drinks only cost a buck! That way you don't have to fawn over your budget. ^.^
================
Well, there you have it! Jackalope's Ever-so-amazing list of Get Rich Quick schemes! (Also known as, "The list of reasons that the Jackalope is not rich.")
So, until next time, keep your guard up, protect your face, and always move away from the power hand!
And have a lovely day,
Leafers
That horse thing.
HOLY BALLS ITS A GRAND IDEA.
If I keep this up, I'll be a millionaire next year. ^.^
But holysnap, these are amazing ripoff--err, scam--err, money making ideas!
I invented chicanery, you know.
It's mostly just a matter of me putting forth the effort to go buy it. Working nights, you tend to be a tad short on ambition during normal business hours. ^.^;