But I just have to sound off somewhere and here seems like it'd be the most... accepting place to do it. I don't know.

I'm in the middle of a long-going, huge gender crisis. It kind of just came to a head with that last drawing, the one of me as a guy, because I very seriously considered taking on the persona of that person online - and in real life, if I could pull it off.

I've always felt like a guy inside. I don't just mean "o lolol I'm one of the guys I play video games hurr durr", I mean I feel awful and out of place if I'm in a dress or wearing makeup, and I always identify way better with guys than I ever have a girl. I really can't explain it, but I don't feel like a girl. At all. I've always, ALWAYS felt like I was supposed to be a guy.

That having been said, I am also a straight female - meaning, I am attracted to males, if only superficially. I really just want nothing to do with chicks in my life, which is strange, I guess.

I've always wished I could grow a beard and awesome sideburns and wear boy clothes without looking weird, and be tall and just be a guy.

I don't know what I'm supposed to make of all this. This is an extremely confusing time for me. I:

I guess what I really wanna ask is if masquerading as a male would be a good idea. Even just online. I don't know if it'd help me "get this out of my system" or ease into it or what... I don't know anything right now djfhkgdf