Not that it truly matters...I have what...10 people watching me? Thus is the life of being a ninja fur.

Anyhoot, I felt the need to post this because I've been thinking about this a lot lately. And by 'this' I mean my part in the community, how other furs view me (Those who know I even exist) And why it is nobody can ever find me.

I'm going to say this right now, and those of you who know me personally already know this. But I look absolutely nothing like a fur, and by that I mean I don't dress like your typical fur, I don't act like your typical fur, I don't talk like your typical fur. Absolutely NOTHING about me suggest's at any point I'm a furry. For god sakes what about me is furry? The answer is, on the exterior, absolutely nothing. For all intents and purposes I'm your everyday Southern Vermont red neck, carhart everything and big red pick up truck included. And up until a day or so ago, that didn't bother me at all. It still really doesn't, that nobody knows who I really am when just looking, or even talking to me.

But what I realize does bother me, is that when I joined the community and started to call myself a fur. I had an idea of what I wanted to do here, and what I wanted to take away from the fandom. But somewhere along the line that changed, not by choice by any means, but it did happen. I realized the other day, while having a conversation with a fur of not so high standards. That I had let myself slip into the darker regions of the community, the ones included in the stories all the normal folks talk about when they think of furries. And when I realized this, I felt incredibly ashamed of myself. I hadn't become part of the true furry community, I joined the minority that most furs denounced with great conviction. The past couple of days, I questioned if I really was a fur, if maybe I had made a mistake. I started to doubt who I was...Doubt myself...Give up on something that brings me a lot of joy and an escape from the everyday.

"Being reminded of past mistakes, or told that you really fucked up is no reason to give up. If there is anything I'm going to carry with me until I meet my end, is that the only failure in life is to give up on yourself. And anyone who tries to convince you otherwise, is someone who themselves have met that failure. Never stop believing in yourself and who YOU are. And you'll never fail."


I know this sounds sappy, and silly and generally stupid to most. But what I'm trying to say is, I made a mistake. Kind of a big mistake in my eyes...I strayed from the pack, and found myself somewhere I really didn't want to be. I failed to take my own god damn advice, I stopped believing in who I was for a bit there. And on top of it all, I had people in my life telling me that I wasn't a fur...That I was just doing it to try and fit in. To try and impress a women...I wondered if they were right? Was I a fur for all the wrong reasons? And after all this was said and done, and I found myself sitting on my recliner. Wondering what I should do next, I suddenly remembered back to watching con video's when I first came into the community. How awesome I thought it all was, how excited I was to get my own fursuit and go there. Be one of the furs in those videos. To make friends, people who understood me and loved me for me.

That was the answer I was looking for...Because right then and there I remembered why I came here, and why I am a fur. I may not look like it, act like it, and my friends may think I'm a moron and weird or strange or stupid....And god damn I may have made a few bad choices and a mistake or two. But I love it here, I love being a fur...and God damn it nobody is going to tell me otherwise any longer. Here is to starting over!

Thanks for listening folks.